Mark, am sorry you had a bad day with it. I have enjoyed the digital
copy of the TC and have them backed up safely, knowing that I'll
always have them :)
Cavers are usually very environment friendly, but I wonder why there
are so many hold outs with the hard copy edition?
Paper, time, money are all wasted with the printed version.
I'd understand if you are still on dial-up and don't want to view the
TC online, or if you don't have a computer (can't be reading this
otherwise).
Charles
On Fri, Dec 11, 2009 at 9:57 AM, <mark.al...@l-3com.com> wrote:
> My day yesterday began calmly enough.
> I woke up from a Benadryl induced haze at around 4 AM and, mistakenly,
> thought it was Saturday and, for whatever reason, I turned off the alarm on
> my clock radio.
>
> I then proceeded to snooze soundly and woke up 2 hours later but,
> unfortunately, 45 minutes past the time I should have gotten up for work.
>
> After struggling to brush my teeth, take a shower, and drop the kids off at
> the pool (not necessarily in that order and definitely not at the same
> time), I dashed down the stairs to get my daily caffeine injection and hit
> the road.
>
> I was greeted in the kitchen by Buddy, our faux Man's Best Friend, and all
> of the calling cards he had left around the kitchen floor. (He's had
> digestive issues of late, due to my over-indulgence with him and giving him
> people food. I suspect the leftover Thanksgiving turkey I gave him earlier
> in the week. Is green stuff on turkey OK for consumption?).
>
> After cleaning up his disgusting mess and hating my life, I stumbled out
> the door.
>
> Ordinarily, I make a ritual of listening to the traffic reports over a
> pleasant breakfast. But, being in a rush, having no coffee, and having to
> tap dance around Buddy's little friends on the said linoleum floor, I
> neglected to pay attention.
>
> While barreling down LBJ and munching on the toast and warmed over coffee (I
> also forgot to set up the coffee machine for yesterday AM!), I ran into a
> solid traffic jam and, having missed my usual short cut turn off, sat in
> traffic for nearly an hour before reaching my place of employment.
>
> (I love my job, hate the commute, but was most certainly having a better day
> than the folks involved in the wreck ahead of me, them having needed an
> ambulance, and all).
>
> Finally reaching my desk, I ruminated on my day, thus far, and heaved a sigh
> of relief for having gotten here in one piece and pleased with FINALLY
> having mailed out the latest issue of The TEXAS CAVER.
>
> (I love our new printer and the quality work they do, but, speed is not one
> of their best attributes. I sent the files to them Nov. 19th, received HALF
> of the order December 4th and the other half on the 8th! Thanks USPS!)
>
> Thus begins my rant concerning the USPS and why, I implore you, to consider
> receiving your TC electronically...
>
> After a uneventful day of work, including a tortuous three hour meeting and
> feeling the life force being sucked out of my body and wishing I had a
> pistol, I headed for home and hearth.
>
> This would not be my last pistol-related thought on this day of Our Lord.
>
> I was greeted at the door by a turd-free Buddy, the digestively challenged
> dog, and a lovely pink note from my favorite public servant, the USPS.
>
> Having finally mailed out the last TC of the year at a price per newsletter
> of $3.05, plus $.88 in postage, the lovely Snail Mail folks wanted an
> additional $.51 per issue before they could be mailed out.
>
> Ah, the joy of insufficient postage!
>
> My goal of keeping the TC under $4 per issue was shattered!
>
> I swore at Buddy the Wonder Dog, cursed every government entity in
> existence, again questioned my life, grabbed the lil' ol' pink slip,
> thankfully left my pistol at home (I didn't feel like doing 20 to life at
> Huntsville for a TEXAS CAVER induced incident) and motored to that 5th level
> of Hell called "The Post Office Waiting Line at Christmas".
>
> Thankfully, the line wasn't THAT long and I only had to wait 20 minutes to
> be told I was in the wrong line and needed to go the parcel pick up line at
> the OTHER end of the building.
>
> Heart rate rising, I trudged down to that window, waited five minutes for
> the clerk to come to the window. (The half door was closed and I seriously
> wondered if anyone was actually behind Door #2) and she took my slip.
>
> I waited an additional 10 minutes and looked for the Most Wanted Posters (I
> always enjoyed looking at these as a kid and, as a currently hot-headed
> adult, was trying my best to not see my face joining them on this day!).
>
> The clerk finally came back and said she couldn't find the 149 newsletters
> and her manager would look for them unless, of course, they had already gone
> out.
>
> At this point, I would like to mention that insufficient postage has NEVER
> been an issue with the TC.
>
> I waited another five minutes and her boss came out and said that they had
> not gone out (dammit!) and I would have to go back to the original line, (Do
> Not Pass Go! and Do Not Collect $200), and pay for the additional postage
> there.
>
> Rolling my eyes skyward and reconsidering the wisdom of leaving my pistol at
> home, I wandered back to the now considerably longer line, as you'll recall
> being affectionately referenced as the 5th level of Hell called "The Post
> Office Waiting Line at Christmas".
>
> Having started this odyssey before 4 PM and the clock on this level of Hades
> now approaching 5 PM, I finally reached the ESL attendant.
>
> He had the tub of TC's behind him, along with a note that each TC needed
> $.51 in additional postage. This puzzled him, for some reason, and he had to
> spend the next several minutes conferring with his ESL manager.
>
> I could feel the daggers being shot from the eyes of the seething Snail Mail
> Hell prisoners behind me and knew, without a doubt, that they were wishing
> they hadn't left their pistols at home, as well! Whom they intended to use
> them on was an object of concern for me.
>
> The clerk finally came back and told me that I would need 3 17 cent stamps
> per newsletter and I would have to take them home, apply them, and bring
> them back.
>
> With my heart rate now reaching dangerous levels, I calmly stated, "Hang on,
> hoss! Y'all are doing this pleasant chore, not me!"
>
> He gave me a look reminiscent of Buddy the Digestively Challenged Dog and
> had to confer with his boss, once again. This boss stated that they probably
> wouldn't be going out until the next day and I thought, "No s***, Sherlock!
> They wouldn't be going out until the next day if I was doing them, either!"
>
> This completely befuddled the addled clerk and he had trouble calculating
> the postage for said TC's.
>
> He asked for the fourth time how many newsletters I had to mail ("149", I
> calmly stated while trying to restrain myself from wrapping my hands around
> his neck) and I explained to him that one would multiply 149 newsletters X
> $.51 postage (3X at $.17 per stamp), thus attaining a grand total of $75.99.
>
> Cheese and Rice Almighty, you would think I was explaining Quantum Physics
> to this puzzled Public Servant!
>
> After several gyrations, calculations, and scratching of his head and my
> bald one, the light bulb finally went off with my esteemed attendant.
>
> He counted out 447 17 cent stamps, placed them in the tub with YOUR TC,
> along with a note for the Graveyard Shift at your friendly local USPS
> querying, "Guess what y'all will be doing in this pleasant evening 14 days
> before the Birth of Our Lord?!".
>
> If the TC you do finally receive appears to have been run over repeatedly by
> a Brush Hog, you'll know whom to thank.
>
> Choking back an insane smirk and a hysterical giggle, I paid the bill while
> secretly dreading having to ask Darla for an additional check for postage.
>
> I thanked the clerk and lowered my head to avoid any of the bullets that
> would soon be flying towards me from the Snail Mail Hell prisoners that had
> observed this fiasco.
>
> After messing with the lovely folks at the USPS and attempting to pull my
> hair out, I shockingly discovered that I had been shaving my head for over 8
> years and had no hair!
>
> I managed to avoid any Road Rage incidents on the way home and, having
> arrived there, proceeded to commemorate this blessed day with six Wild
> Turkey and Diet Cokes (one must watch their weight during the Holiday
> season), in quick succession, I might add, while Buddy the Digestively
> Distressed Dog looked on in disgust with fear and loathing in his canine
> eyes.
>
> So, what is the moral of this Dickensian Christmas Carol, you may ask?
>
> My Christmas wish from you is, for the love of whatever Supreme Being You
> Believe/Don't Believe In, to become a badge wearing member of the online
> digital TSA community!
>
> Go to http://www.cavetexas.org/members/ and sign up and enjoy the current
> and back issues!
>
> Please remember to select how you want your TC: mail or digital. (Please
> save my last shred of sanity and select the latter!)
>
> There now are a total of 17 issues of the Pulitzer worthy TEXAS CAVER
> available for your reading pleasure and this most certainly is better than
> any gift you have or will ever receive from one of your loved ones!
>
> Not a TSA member? No problem!
>
> We still would like for you to contemplate becoming a TSA member. Send me an
> email for your complimentary past issue of the TEXAS CAVER and see what
> you've been missing.
>
> Visit the TSA website at www.cavetexas.org and become a paid member and/or
> become an online member of the TSA.
>
> You can still opt to receive a hard copy TC, but will have to wait a couple
> of weeks, at the earliest, to receive your latest newsletter via snail mail.
>
> The Members Area continues to expand very well and we currently have grown
> to 92 members, with 48 opting to receive their TC digitally.
>
> This is a substantial savings to the TSA and has helped us manage to stay in
> the black this year and will keep your esteemed editor out of Huntsville!
>
> I have heard from more than one caver that they thoroughly enjoy reading
> their hard copy of the TC, but then proceed to throw it into the trash.
>
> While being environmentally insensitive (they could at least recycle by
> placing it in the bottom of the kitty box or on the bottom of a human), this
> makes them the PERFECT candidate for perusing the TC electronically.
>
> If this describes you, please make a New Years Resolution and consider
> becoming an online digital TSA community member!
>
> It'll make you feel better, keep me out of the news/incarceration, keep my
> heart rate low, prevent an incident at the USPS, and keep the pitch fork
> bearing/torch carrying seething Snail Mail Hell prisoners from storming my
> house!
>
> I appreciate you reading this epic tome and hope y'all have a blessed
> Christmas, Hanukkah, Solstice, and New Year.
>
> No wonder I enjoy caving. None of the above!
>
> Thanks!
>
> Mark Alman - TSA Chairman and TEXAS CAVER Editor
> (with a tongue-in-cheek tip of the helmet to Hunter S. Thompson and Kinky
> Friedman)
>
