---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: krnarayanan2013
*Subject:* Fwd: : Driving in India
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: *K.Govindan K*
Subject: Fwd: : Driving in India
*Driving in India !!!*
*This hilarious article was written by an Architect from Baan, Netherlands,
who spent two years in Hyderabad.*
*For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to
drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are
applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a
vehicle is only marginally safer.*
*Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do
your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are
as follows:*
*Do we drive on the left or right of the road?*
*The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless
it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also
occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess.
Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence
to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers
don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction. Don't
you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in
reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position.*
*Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross
the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is
moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town.
Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of
the dead.*
*Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn
to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk
blasts), or, just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.*
*Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during
traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for
the rainwaters to recede when over ground traffic meets underground
drainage.*
*Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored
lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus,
full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck
speed, seeking contact with the Almighty,*
*often meeting with success.*
*Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi):*
* The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this
three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a
mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron
rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at
an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are
folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the
periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school
bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor
collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of
course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn
Newton's laws of motion en route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow
the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.*
*Mopeds: *
*The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric
shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at
break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the
moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather
drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped"
off the tarmac.*
*Leaning Tower of Passes:*
* Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is
absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in
turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously,
defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get
paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are
ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.*
*One-way Street:*
*These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise
drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one
direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two
directions at once. So drive, as you like, in reverse throughout, if you
are the fussy type. Least I sound hypercritical; I must add a positive
point also. Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented
by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house.*
*This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that
residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation
authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.*
*Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those
with the mental makeup of Chenghis Khan). *
*In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who
amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the
horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering
it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon
passes. Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not
blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck
is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at
the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a
naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to
kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six
feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck
approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be
the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your
point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk
roads. During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers
will never show any Signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals;
they are the greater threat). Only, you will often observe that the cleaner
who sits next to the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically.*
*This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The
waving is just a statement of physical relief on a hot day.*
*If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons
between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone home and The citizen is
then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF SPEED' enshrined in our constitution.*
*Having said all this, isn't it true that the accident rate and related
deaths are less in India compared to US or other countries!!??*
Best regards, Govindan
--
With regards,
Dr.T.V.Gopalakrishnan
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