“No Orchids for Miss Blandish.”  James Hadley chase

A once ubiquitous master of the hard-boiled shocker, British author James
Hadley Chase ( Real name: Rene Lodge brabazon Raymond) burst into the scene
with 1939’s “No Orchids for Miss Blandish.” This is a novel so stark and
“noir” it makes most of today’s thrillers look as colorful as a flowering
field. The plot couldn’t be more garden-variety, though: “a simple theft
goes awry, then snowballs into an avalanche of murders.” But the fast-paced
brutality of the events keeps the pages turning into developments that are
always shocking, and sometimes unpredictable.

Miss Blandish is a high-society debutante whose sole character trait is the
impression she causes on every man: she is “the most beautiful woman they
have ever seen.” A gang of sorta-harmless hoodlums tries to steal her
valuable diamond necklace during a night on the town. Then, a considerably
more harmful gang steps into the picture, one led by fearsome Ma Grissom
and her shifty, sadistic son Slim. Slim has never been interested in women;
it is well known. But something about Miss Blandish excites his interest,
which is how the titular girl goes from being a victim of theft to a victim
of a harrowing kidnapping and enslavement.

Drugged out of her gourd, subject to Ma’s beatings and Slim’s advances,
Miss Blandish is too much of a cipher to count as a damsel in distress.
She’s basically a warm, naked, tortured body-bag on a bed, waiting to be
rescued by P. I. Dave Fenner, the Philip Marlowe of this tale. Fenner is a
decent guy who loves to banter with his brassy secretary, Paula thusly:

“Perhaps you didn’t hear what I said,” Paula said ominously. “They’ll take
all the furniture away tomorrow unless you pay the third installment. So
what will I have to sit on?”

Fenner looked startled. “They’re not taking that away as well, are they?”

This is, to be honest, what passes for healthy male-female relations in
Chase’s bleak world. There, if Fenner spanks his secretary, he’s not
harassing her sexually: he’s merely showing his profound professional
admiration.

“No Orchids for Miss Blandish” is still unpleasantly violent today; in 1939
it must have read like degenerate snuff. Chase achieves most of his effects
by understanding that this material only works if the reader is first made
complicit in its horrors. He can genuinely protest: “Hey, I merely said
gangster A shot Gangster B’s nose off! It was YOU, the reader, who filled
in that picture with your own perverse imagination, you sicko!”

Consider the (kind of masterful) rape scene below. Notice Chase merely sets
the stage, and says very little; the reader provides the horror:

They looked at each other. She read the message in his eyes, and clutching
the shirt to her, she backed away.

“No… please…”

Slim shuffled over to her and snatched the shirt from her. His mouth was
pursed, his breathing suddenly violent, his eyes blank.

Shuddering and unresisting, she let him lead her to the divan.

The clock on the mantel ticked busily. The minute hand crawled on across
the ornate clock face. A large bluebottle fly buzzed excitedly over the
bloodstain on Rocco’s coat. The traffic in the street below halted, moved
on with a grinding of gears, then halted again.

Miss Blandish gave a sudden sharp cry.

As the minutes passed, the shadows in the room lengthened. Someone in the
apartment below turned on a television set. An impersonal voice began to
give loud instructions on how to bake a cake. The insistent, domineering
voice woke Slim who slowly opened his eyes. He turned his head to look at
Miss Blandish, lying flat on her back by his side. She was staring
sightlessly up at the ceiling.

“That punk makes it sound like a cake is the most important thing in the
world,” Slim said.

the dead stay dumb

Clay-faced criminal Dillon and his undergarment-averse moll Myra are the
main characters in 1940’s “The Dead Stay Dumb” (the title is not a comment
on the IQ of those who have passed away, but on their lack of snitching
abilities). Unlike “No Orchids for Miss Blandish,” this thriller doesn’t
even bother with anti-hero detectives: all of the characters are villains,
some are simply more successful than others at their villainy. Any one who
swears by “likable, relatable characters” will have a horrible time in this
slum-diving tale. This one is for people who like their eggs boiled into
tooth-breaking hardness.

Dillon, tough and unemotional, walks into a small-town the way a Jack
Reacher might in a Lee Child book- except that Dillon is actively looking
for trouble. He suggests to the local gamblers that he can fix a boxing
match, and in the process meets Myra Hogan, the hellcat daughter of blind
former boxer Butch Hogan, who still rules the ring from behind the scenes.

Myra Hogan is no Miss Blandish. She’s the sort of crime novel gal who poses
against the sunlight in flimsy summer dresses, expecting men to notice she
forgot her underwear at home. In a small aside that says a LOT about
American life in 1940, (even if it was written by a British man who
gathered what he could about the U.S. from books and movies), we learn that
when temptress Myra walks down the street, “even the n****s hesitated in
their work, but frightened to look up, keeping their heads lowered.” This
was a time, of course, when if you were the wrong color and you looked at
the wrong woman the wrong way at the wrong time, you could expect an
outcome considerably more violent than her angry #metoo Tweets.

The fixed boxing match goes wrong, and Dillon and Myra are forced to escape
into the Bonnie and Clyde life. But Bonnie and Clyde were genteel lovers
compared to Dillon and Myra. James Hadley Chase’s great virtue is that you
KNOW what will happen in his novels, (tons of people will die) but he made
it impossible to guess when and how those deaths would happen. “Abruptly”
and “surprisingly,” that’s for sure.

James Hadley Chase is due for a rediscovery, but it will happen in a less
sensitive future. He never achieved the literary acclaim of peers like
James M. Cain or Cornell Woolrich- but then again, us fans of “Double
Indemnity” or “Rear Window” probably over-estimate how “acclaimed” Cain and
Woolrich were in their time. As it is, I suspect your local bookstore
doesn’t carry any Cain beyond his three early hits (“Double Indemnity,”
“Mildred Pierce,” and “The Postman Always Rings Twice”) – and I doubt it
carries any Woolrich or Chase at all.

K R IRS 101124

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