Louis, my eternity
Lost, in centuries of your own innocence.
Steeped in the history of the ancients
Yet unable to resign yourself to your Fate.
You were the first to bravely come forward –
Your courage never failed you then.
Yet how hard it was for you to understand your power.
You saw it as a curse, never a gift.
Eternity awaits you, but your melancholy eyes
Long ever more for the light of mortal day.
How I long to help you. As I hold you
In my arms and kiss your ivory skin –
The soothing embrace of the mother you never knew –
I hear your silent cries for mercy.
You want me to release you, but I know
I never will. Your agony is mine –
Our hearts will always beat in time –
But I cannot give you your freedom.
Mine is not the hand that heals –
Not this time. God, but, Louis, how I wish
You could understand. Your curse is my life.
Without you I am nothing. I guess in our own ways
We need each other.
My Louis, unwilling victim of another.
Beguiled by his beauty, as I was by yours.
A preternatural love, this, to last so long
Without consummation.
And sometimes, beyond your sadness, I can see
The bitter reality in your tear-stained face –
In streaks of blood I see your pain, your anger
Unstoppable flow of anguish.
And my eyes bleed for you, Louis, tears are
Blood and salt on my mortal skin as I share
A part of your suffering.
Oh, my love...
You've seen so much. I can but marvel at your life,
That is beyond life, and grieve at your fears,
At the wonderful gift
That is slowly destroying you.
I can but grieve...
[10th December 1992]
