Well, the Lilly-South conference was over. It was an interesting
conference for
me. It was my first outing since the pneumonia. None of the usual on-the-go
frenetic
attending of session after session, giving my presentations, having on-going
intense
conversations, night time schmoozing. On orders from "the boss," reinforced by
the
concern of my friends, I had to take blocs of morning and afternoon breaks in
my room to
rest She was right, they all were right, since I nearly gave out as I and my
good
friend, Todd Zakrajsek, closed the conference with a two hour plenary. At the
airport, I
thought all that rest would be for naught since a surprise glitch in Delta's
computer was
going to make for a less than comfortable and restful six hour layover in
Atlanta. But,
gods were looking over me. There was an unexpected but soothing, heart-warming,
energizing, and fulfilling Lilly-like conversation with Naomi at the Greensboro
airport;
there was the mechanically delayed Valdosta bound flight at Hartsfield that
allowed me to
get the last seat literally five minutes after the plane from Greensboro landed
at the
next door gate to the Valdosta flight; and, there was being in Susan's
comforting arms as
my original itinerary had scheduled.
We went out for dinner at a local restaurant, and who should come over
as our
server but Beth (not her real name). I hadn't seen her for almost two years
though I had
thought about her on and off over the years wondering if she was still in
school, even
still alive.
"Dr. Schmier," she literally screamed out.
"Beth!" Then, I immediately asked, "You clean?"
"You beat me to it," she said proudly. Her face lit up, and with a
nodding of her
head, answered crisply, "Yes!"
I knew, just by the way she held herself. I beamed and gave her the
thumbs up
sign. She knelt on her haunches as if she was taking our order "I want to tell
you that
I've been clean for a year and a half now. Thank you for saving me. I wasn't
clean right
after we finished class no matter how hard you tried to keep me that way, but
you knew
that. I went back to my old ways, feeling sorry for myself, being down on
myself, blaming
myself for everything, selling myself to the lowest bidder. But you and your
damn 'you
clean" kept creeping into my heart and mind. You don't know how many times I
called you a
'son of a bitch" when I took a drink or smoked a weed or screwed around. But,
you kept
haunting me. Deep down I guess I knew I really wanted to be another one of
your 'Kims."
Deep down I knew I had failed up and myself. Then, finally, one day I saw you
were right
and I asked myself 'you clean'. I didn't like the answer. I suddenly heard
you and
wanted another kind of answer. Have been clean ever since. You're in my heart
and soul
every day. I should have told you that earlier. But, you saved me by helping
me save
myself. I'm so happy with myself now, and kicking ass in school. Now, what do
you and
Miss Susan want to drink?"
That bit of soul food so satiated me, I almost lost my appetite for the
steak. As
I struggled force down that delicious steak Susan and talked how I had
struggled to help
Beth. In fact, I had written a "quickie Random Thought" about her I called
"53." As we
left the restaurant, Beth bounded over, hugged me, and gave me a peck on my
cheek.
"Thanks for being there and still being there," she whispered with a tear I
could hear in
her voice. "Thanks for always seeing me, and always giving a damn about me when
I didn't,
and for never stopped loving me in spite of everything until I started doing
all that for
myself."
"Thank you," I whispered with a tear in my voice. "And, thank yourself
as well."
The gods were looking over me yesterday. Beth got me thinking--and
feeling. I've
never known a student who wasn't worth the trouble and effort required to make
her or his
life whatever it could possibly be. Why? Because I've never known a student
who didn't
have the unlimited potential for success, happiness, significance, and
worthiness; I've
never known a student who wasn't worth the discomfort, and even frustration, to
help her
or him learn to weave the thread of her or his life into a magnificent fabric;
I've never
known a student who ultimately didn't have the inner strength to resist every
temptation,
overcome every tragedy, control attitudes and actions; I've never known a
student who
didn't have worthy dreams within her or him; I've never known a student within
whom laid
the love to embrace, to care, to feel gratitude, and to forgive; I've never
known a
student who didn't have the capacity for great joy and astounding achievement;
I've never
known a student to didn't have the inner courage that could be tapped for her
or him to
believe in herself or himself, to come to terms with frustrations and failures,
to
withstand unkind words, and to overcome unexpected betrayals; I've never known
a student
who didn't have the potential wisdom to choose her or his own path and to
choose the right
path; I've never known a student who wasn't worth whatever it took to help her
or him find
a special purpose and a meaningful place; I've never known a student who
wasn't a new
experience from whom to learn, a new possibility to explore, a new way to grow,
a new
direction to take, and a new world to experience; I've never known a student
who didn't
have everything she or he needed to be lying within her or him.
If--and there is really no "if" about it--I unconditionally love each
studentand
love is the right word, I'll work long and hard to become an alchemist of the
heart and
mind, as well as of body and soul, helping each student transform herself or
himself into
a nugget of gold. And, as I love each student, I consciously hold my feet to
the loving
torch to model these loving behaviors and attitudes and feelings. Are there
bumps in the
road, disappointments, sadnesses, inconveniences, challenges, frustrations,
discomforts,
problems, and annoyances? Sure. I dont always succeed. But, when a setback
happens, as
I told my good "Lilly friend," Shoes Johnson, I see that inability to touch a
student as
one less victory rather than as a surrendering and paralyzing defeat. That's
the power
of having a purposeful "Why." Knowing that everybody is an invaluable
somebody, gives me
the strength to persevere and the energy to keep chasing after the Muses rather
than being
chased away by the Furies. You see, life in the classroom is no more or less
complex than
each human being in that classroom, than life outside the classroom, than life
itself.
Things will not always go the way we plan; we can't control anything other than
ourselves,
nothing works 100% for everyone all the time and everywhere; nothing important
comes easy
or instantly. But, can you eat with gritted teeth? Can you smile with
tightened lips?
Can you run with shackled legs? Can you embrace with folded arms? Can you see
with jaded
eyes? Can you truly dream with blighted perceptions? Of course not. Deepak
Chopra is so
right. To paraphrase him: to be alive is to be a lover, and to be a lover is
to live. I
find that is an ultimately truth with my Susan, my children and grandchildren,
my friends,
and each student. And, no amount of pretending otherwise will alter that
reality.
Make it a good day.
--Louis--
Louis Schmier
http://therandomthoughts.edublogs.org/
Department of
History http://www.newforums.com/Auth_L_Schmier.asp
Valdosta State University www. halcyon.com/arborhts/louis.html
Valdosta, Georgia 31698 /\ /\ /\ /\
(229-333-5947) /^\\/ \/ \ /\/\__/\ \/\
/ \/ \_ \/ / \/
/\/
\ /\
//\/\/ /\
\__/__/_/\_\ \_/__\
/\"If you want to climb
mountains,\ /\
_ / \ don't practice on mole
hills" -
---
To make changes to your subscription contact:
Bill Southerly ([email protected])
