Bernie Thanks I needed that! I'm still wiping my eyes! Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably . And never regret anything that made you smile.
Prayers and thoughts for you and yours, Candy K. ----- Original Message ----- From: "Bernie" <bpe...@austin.rr.com> To: "Bernard Pelow" <bpe...@austin.rr.com> Sent: Thursday, December 9, 2010 9:46:44 PM Subject: [TMIC] OT - Q & A JOKES & ONE LINERS. Q & A JOKES & ONE LINERS. Q: Why don't you let blondes take coffee breaks? A: Because it takes too long to retrain them. Q: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A: Because no one wants to quit. Q: What do you do if you see someone having a seizure in your bath tub? A: Throw in a load of laundry. Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put a 'scratch 'n sniff' sticker at the bottom of a pool. My ex-wife was a great housekeeper. She divorced me and kept the house... Q: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? A: The food is terrific, but there's no atmosphere. A husband explains to the guys at the bar. "Do you know why I left her? She started to use four-letter words like, 'Find work!'" Your mother is so fat she has to use a boomerang to put on a belt... Q: How do you get holy water? A: Boil the hell out of it. Q: What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall? A: "Dam!" Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? A: Polaroids. Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A: A stick. Q: What do you call Santa's helpers? A: Subordinate Clauses. Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? A: Quatro sinko. Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere... and let the air out of their tires. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite. Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A: A nervous wreck. Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs? A: Right where you left him. Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils? A: Because they have big fingers If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive? A: Because it scares the hell out of the dog. Q: What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? A: The location of the dirt bag. Q: Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down? A: Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat. Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK! Q: What do you call a man with a car on his head? A: Jack Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit? A: Unique up on it! Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit? A: Tame way, unique up on it! Q: What do you call skydiving lawyers? A: Skeet. Q: What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop, clop? A: An Amish drive-by shooting. Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges... Get a new car for your wife. it'll be a great trade...
