Why am I not laughing? Dalton H. Garis, Ph.d. Associate Professor of Economics, emeritus Flushing, New York USA
From: <heyjude48...@aol.com> Date: Mon, 9 Sep 2013 16:21:53 -0400 (EDT) To: <tmic-list@eskimo.com> Subject: [TMIC] Fwd: Fw: Fwd: $5.37 (too funny) Jude Resent-From: <tmic-list@eskimo.com> Resent-Date: Mon, 9 Sep 2013 13:21:55 -0700 (PDT) > Hi All ~ > This is just for giggles ~ > Love, Jude >> >> >> >> From: ly3...@gmail.com >> To: alice.laush...@gmail.com >> Sent: 9/8/2013 11:03:52 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time >> Subj: Fwd: Fw: Fwd: $5.37 (too funny) >> >> >> >> >> are you feeling old,, this might cheer you up. >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> $5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something >>> that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a >>> five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when >>> the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to >>> me. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount." >>> >>> I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change >>> hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet? A mere child! Senior >>> citizen? >>> >>> I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with >>> Emo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? >>> >>> I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I >>> strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. >>> >>> Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of >>> me, like I could be that easily distracted! >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> What am I now? >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> A toddler? >>> >>> "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> I stared with utter disdain at the keys. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> I began to rationalize in my mind. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> It could happen to anyone!" >>> >>> >>> I turned and headed back to the truck. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> What now? >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> I checked my keys and tried another. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> Still nothing. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. >>> >>> Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. >>> Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut >>> on the dashboard. >>> >>> Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. >>> >>> >>> Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be >>> leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in >>> the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I >>> reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found. >>> >>> I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the >>> restaurant one final time. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> There Emo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think >>> was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my >>> food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to >>> help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social >>> Security benefits. >>> >>> Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad >>> came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a >>> drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck >>> by mistake." >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. >>> >>> She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this >>> all the time." >>> >>> All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was >>> racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not >>> too old to be driving this fast. >>> >>> As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I >>> handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in >>> my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky. >>> >>> The good news was I had successfully found my way home. >>> >>> -*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- READ BELOW ! >>> >>> Just in case you weren't feeling too old today. >>> >>> The people who are starting college this fall were born in 1991. >>> >>> They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up. >>> >>> Their lifetime has always included AIDS. >>> >>> The CD was introduced two years before they were born. >>> >>> They have always had an answering machine. >>> >>> They have always had cable. >>> >>> Popcorn has always been microwaved. >>> >>> They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. >>> >>> They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. >>> >>> They never heard: 'Where's the Beef?', 'I'd walk a mile for a Camel ', or >>> 'de plane Boss, de plane'. >>> >>> McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers. >>> >>> They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter. >>> >>> Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list. >>> >>> Notice the larger type? >>> >>> That's for those of us who have trouble reading. >>> >>> P.S. Save the earth.. It's the only planet with chocolate. >>> >>> >> >> No virus found in this message. >> Checked by AVG - www.avg.com <http://www.avg.com/> >> Version: 2013.0.3392 / Virus Database: 3222/6631 - Release Date: 09/02/13 >> >> >> >> >>
