You know what happened to me today?  I was supposed to work 6 a.m. to 3 p.m. but ended up going home at almost 7:30.  I was outside gathering shopping carts and all of a sudden, started a coughing fit and couldn't stop.  I literally almost passed out in the parking lot.  I pulled myself over to a bench and was heaving in and out to catch my breath.  I'm still too sick to be doing too much labor and I found out the hard way.
 
Inside the store at 7 a.m., I had to help a lady and two girls with blowing up 12 latex balloons and 1 mylar in the floral department.  When it's early like that before the actual floral person comes in, a courtesy clerk has to do it.  So, I'm standing there blowing up the balloons, heaving quietly and feeling my fever rise higher and higher as the three of them are staring at me, the lady checking her watch every so often.  Hey, I wasn't trained in floral, so my method for blowing up balloons, tying and adding strings, is kind of slow.  Excuse me!  After I got them all done, I got a quick 'thank you' and they rushed out the door, obviously late to wherever they were going.
 
As I was standing around in the front, the sickness hit me harder than usual and I told the checker I could not make it the rest of the day.  Some other courtesy clerk was there to cover me so that I could go home.  I called Mom, who was half way to work in Vista, and told her what was wrong.  As soon as I got home, I took my medication and collapsed in the bed.  I just now woke up to take my pill again.
 
Okay, so what's my point to all this?  I've talked about suicide a couple of times because I think about it every now and then.  But, with this illness hitting me, if I really wanted to die now, I wouldn't have gone to the hospital on Saturday, wouldn't be taking my medicine, and would have stayed at work and hid the infection on the inside.  My work, if you're not physically healthy, can actually kill you or make you wish you were dead.  With too much going on in my life, I'm not ready to check out just yet.  For one thing, I'm needed at my job and I believe I apologized a hundred times to everyone before Mom came and got me.  With suicide thoughts being a far thing from my mind, I think something else will kill me before I have the chance to do it myself.
 
I plan to be well by the time Comic Con rolls around.  Eesh, that's another month, I can't stand another week with it!  And Dave, I also plan to see you at the Comic Con.  I know you're coming, I read my email and was very excited to hear I'll be seeing you again since the Turtle Con in 2000.  GW will be there and you can talk to her as much as you need to.  I don't think she can bring her large leather sofa for you, but the Convention Center does have nice, quiet areas with comfy seats.  ;)
 
On that note, I think I'm going to go lay down again.  Be strong, Dave, I'm trying to be.
 
Brinatello
----- Original Message -----
From: ~tOkKa
Sent: Monday, June 16, 2003 8:33 PM
Subject: [NTML] ..happiness ..

-->> .. when your dead.. 

..  why process the bullsh7t of this exsistance with continual 'pretending it's ok '  .. none of this.. 

..or will be..  i have a million reasons i can justify my own demise..  it would never 'sit' with anyone for as long as i'm here.. i am a continual cog.. 

.. i bet my 'babysitter'  is just at 'ease' knowing that the plastic that rules is genuinly all this has amounted up too..

.. f7ck..  i don't feel anything but deep hatred for myself,the need to bleed profusly.. and the fact that none of this is real..   as always.. 
..i'm about to do somthing very rash to myself.. i think i need the babysitter.. 

..  f7ck all this.. 

Donna ..please don't say..'it is just a feeling, it goes away..' .. that's bull and you know it..   f7ck this weekend.. f8ck all this .  
.. yes.. and f7ck the topical..
.. the feelings of nothing DON't GO AWAY..
..  they haven't.. they don't..  they won't..
..  but i can.. if i could just pry the dog off my leg and get the babysitter to realise i am better off dead..

..>v< ..

..

yir buddy, ~tOkKa  >v<
!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!
"..quoting 'Macbeth' scince 1991.."
"MARTHA STEWART's Cabin Boy scince 2001.."
aim: tOkKAb2
-->> >> >> >> >>> >> >>
tOkKa'Z KriB!! & "T" iz FER tOkKa!!:
K mart-culture ..  - @http://www.terrible2z.com
@MIKEY's TMNT @ http://www.mikeystmnt.com
@ http://kmartcorp.com/
!! me am tOkKa @ http://www.tokkazkrib.mikeystmnt.com/meamtokka/
+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+
"..I catnap now and then, but I think while I nap, so it's not a waste of time."     -Martha Stewart.
-->>
c0ntact@
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
     >v<
GRAhhhh.. A ,B C D E D B D b ??
M R Not A b !!
O S A R A b !!  C M R D E D B D WANGS??
L I B!! M R 2  A E D B D b !!


tOkKa'z self-hatred and emotional fear of all things lentil  paid for by ::

Sign up for Internet Service under $10 dollars a month, at http://isp.BlueLight.com

Reply via email to