>I demand that Netflix and Hulu develop an ASCII art browser video plugin for those of us who are still using dial up!

nice incipit!

>I mean I tried running Debian once and it was just miserable. Websites all felt broken; DVDs useless; mp3s, m4a of course don't work...unless I install about a million packages and convert my computer to Deb-buntu.

absolutely not true. I can guarantee this. Debian works just fine out of the box (both 8 and 7) and you can do all of these things without having to install anything.

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