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Okay, this is the real deal as you will see when you read this win I had
last night with using Trom Level 4 commands followed up by RI:
Level 4 session with auditor rudely stripped away big chunk of
ego-protective and limiting way-of-being. Appears to have been picked up
from Mother (which she picked up from her mother, etc.).
Kept repeating "I Know" .... it had already started to come apart in my
solo work, and I was ready for it, but still lots of tears ("I'm melting,
I'm melting" - from "Wizard of Oz") and feeling very naked, soft - no
longer brittle and hard - defenseless. Feelings of fear and loss.
Then for balance, ran "I don't know" which brought up scenes of degradation
- both done to me and what I had done to others and had been my "reason
why" for keeping the armor in place. Flipping back and forth between
arrogance and self-deprecation.
Felt like crossing of the Rubicon -- no ships or bridges to go back -- and
the game is now exposed and I can't do that anymore, neither do I want to.
I cannot say the whole issue is 100% resolved, but am more resolved to get
on with my "exit, stage left" plan -- doing my practices. Truthfully, I
would appreciate more sessions like that, in spite of the death throes.
Now, that is something new I probably have not done for a few eons -
actually clear the mind. I feel that when I first cracked from the Egg, I
left the starting gate with a strong "something's just not right here"
feeling and am finally starting to deal with it.
I know it was a long time ago but it has always been with me through
existence as if it had happened today. Today is all that counts. Need to
learn to put the past back into the past...to let go like I did last night.
I love and trust my practices even more.
My follow-up RI was awesome too: I created the importance of a "silent
person" and kept putting that around me until I felt comfortable /resolved.
I saw how that silence is within me, and can optionally be expressed as a
beingness, however the zero within me is built over with layers of stuck
postulates. (RI is a crucial component of this practice)
Now I am ready to do the other side and have another create an importance,
and wanted to get this posted before the day got busy.
A imparted insight from my auditor re "peacefulness of just being": ...
"as long as you are not concerned in any way by how that beingness is being"
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