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For the collection: I remember very little physical
discipline, but I did have some; mostly symbolic. They are not the
incidents that stand out in my mind, though. This is one of the ones that
do:
When I was about six my sister and I (she's about
six years older than me and was always virtuous) went to the store for milk or
bread or something, and I furtively stole a bubble gum. On the way home, I was
swinging my arms and my sister saw something in my closed hand, and asked what
it was. It was the gum, of course, and she told me how wicked that was and what
a lot of trouble I would be in. When we got home she told my mother. I didn't
know quite what to expect; I'd never done anything that bad before. But my mom
didn't get angry. She didn't punish, shame, or lecture me. She didn't tell
me what a bad thing I had done. She knelt down and looked me in the eye and put
a hand on my shoulder and said, "That was stealing. [No need to say it was
bad; I gathered that.] Go back to the store and tell the man, and apologize and
give it back. Jesus is with you. [That was a favourite line of hers, Jesus is
with you.]" So I did. And that was the end of it. No more stealing,
ever.
The other memorable incidents are like that
too. That was the style in which important lessons of behaviour were taught
in our home.
Debbie
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2005 12:36
AM
Subject: Re: [TruthTalk] More wisdom from
Dallas Willard
Odd but my father never hit me. My mom only hit
me on 2 occasions and it was one slap on the shoulder out of sheer
frustration: once when I fired a nanny at age 5 and once at age 9? when I
shoved my little brother into the toilet. Mostly, they were indulgent or
negligent (easy with servants hanging around!). But love was not an issue and
neither was obedience or discipline. We just were: loved, obedient and
disciplined. I never got in trouble at
school or with the law. Neither did my 3 brothers. My little brother just told
me drugs were rampant in our high school and I said I was never offered any
and neither were you. He said they just knew better.
So now we have 2 personal anecdotes of child
rearing. For what it's worth, psych and social studies say physically
punishing a child does more harm than good.
Love,
Caroline
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Monday, April 18, 2005 10:19
AM
Subject: Re: [TruthTalk] More wisdom
from Dallas Willard
Debbie Sawczak wrote:
We are all in danger of mistaking
something else for God and loving it instead; you could say that this is
the definition of the fallen human condition. It is not only liberals
(none of whom are on TT anyway, so I hope the below wasn't aimed at
anybody) who are open to this. It often seems to me that
many "conservatives" identify Christ with their Correct Theology:
they ascribe salvation to their theology rather than to our
God, exalt it, and are in love with it. It is immutable,
because it is God. I guess I should be using the first person; I have been
in this situation myself and thought that what I loved was
God.
Rather than practise suspicion
or self-righteousness, then, let's encourage one
another. One test of whether we love God, after all, according
to the Apostle John, is whether we love our brother and sister. A
little phileo thrown in wouldn't hurt either. This of course sounds like
mush to some people.
Debbie ===============================================================
I
can only speak for myself,Debbie, and I speak as a conservative. Love
is sometimes overlooking the faults of others, but just as often, it is
attempting to correct the faults of others. When I needed correcting
as a child, my father blistered my butt. He did it because he loved
me. I would have been a monster if he had not done so. My dad
also spent time with me, taught me to hunt and fish and do other important
stuff.
My heavenly Father is the same way. You do not have to
read far in the Bible to be aware of this. Why you would expect me to
be different is a mystery to me. With examples like that, I want to be
like that. Neither of my examples were compromisers. I will not
be one either. If a brother or sister needs correcting, I will try to
correct them. If they deserve praise, I will praise them. Please
do not expect me to agree with that which I find false in order to be part
of the community. That is not the way I am built.
I will love you,
and I will pray for you, but I may never agree with you.
Terry
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