|
Let’s talk... Sex! with Carolyne Nakazibwe
That is a game involuntarily played by many couples. Men capable of having ‘turbo engines’ in their pants, and that is about it. Once he gets to the races, the ‘engine’ revs once, sputters and goes dead, leaving a huge cloud of smoke and disappointed spectators in its wake.
You know what I mean, right? Obviously, you figure this has nothing to do with Muhangi’s Ekitaguriro, but everything to do with the inability to hold off an ejaculation once you get into ‘business’.
Many men have wild sexual fantasies about making their women scream and rant in pleasure during lovemaking, but never last long enough to witness this. Just as she opens her mouth in amazement and probably begins to let out a lung-clearing scream, you shudder, let out a scream of your own and it is all over.
Premature ejaculation. It keeps so many men awake wondering why it is always over so soon for them yet they hear their friends bragging about 30-minute escapades that allegedly leave a trail of bedazzled women in their wake.
However, two things before we launch into possible remedies: Not all that glitters is gold. Watch those people who love bragging about their prowess in bed publicly. Most likely, he goes through the drills abnormally faster than your miserable self does.
Secondly, drop the notion of time vis-à-vis good sex. It can last five minutes and still be called the romp of ages, or it could last one hour and the girl never wants to set eyes on you ever again.
Whatever time it takes, just make it memorable. It has been proven through therapists’ surveys that even an occasional quickie beats the drawn out boring lovemaking sessions.
Premature ejaculation is described by sex therapists as that climax that comes too soon – probably within seconds of making love. Some men with the problem can ejaculate even at the beginning of foreplay and never go further than the first intimate touches. What the girls in Kampala call ‘beeping’.
“The fast ejaculation may be the result of guilty feelings, fear of getting caught while masturbating, being out of touch with one’s own body, or honesty and trust issues with one’s partner,” The Everything Great Sex Book by Suzie Heumann and Susan Campbell says.
In addition, excessive alcohol, too much anticipation or anxiety may end the race before the shotgun signal to start even goes off. “Ejaculation mastery is the first step toward multiple orgasms for men. Once you’ve learned to last, you will recognise how close you are to having orgasms when you are on the edge of the pleasure plateau,” the book continues.
“It’s reported that up to 75 percent of all men ejaculate within two to five minutes of beginning intercourse. A survey of 1,370 men conducted by Tantra.com revealed that less than 35 percent felt they had any control over when they ejaculate.”
However, you can gain this control. The writers list some of the remedies as changing positions while making love, learning the correct breathing (from chest breathing to belly breathing) and deliberately pausing to let that sensation die down a bit as helpful mechanisms. Of course, you need a cooperative spouse for some of these remedies. The pause, for example, may not guarantee results if she is not cooperative, because even during your pause she can easily push you over the edge with subtle movements or sounds.
And I foresee a situation where some people will be flipping their spouses over and about every two seconds because he almost climaxed before the alarm clock went off at the targeted time.
You can also do something before you actually get to the bedroom. For example, try doing kegel exercises as often as possible. At work, in the taxi, as you wait in the jam, during dinner, every single time you remember, squeeze down on that pubococcygeus (PC) muscles and the exercise will teach you to hold back ejaculation if you are not ready.
“Having strong PC muscles aids in stronger erections that last longer and increases libido,” the writers say. If you know what it feels like trying to hold back the flow of urine when you have already started, then you know what I am talking about.
This exercise requires you to regularly contract and release these muscles to eventually tone and strengthen them for better control. This is the muscle women use during sex to have a better grip on the spouse’s penis and hike enjoyment.
If you work on the same muscle, you are improving your chances of lasting, because you hold back when you want to and let go when you are ready.
“Men can test their PC muscles by trying to use them to lift the erect penis. The higher you are able to lift your erection, the stronger your PC muscles are.” There. Now, start squeezing. Good, like that!
|
DATING TIPS
What to order on a night out
You do not want yourself looking like a toddler trying to feed herself after your long-awaited date. For this reason, it is important that you choose places and foods carefully for your date.
And again, like I love to emphasise, know yourself perfectly. Do not try being part of the gang when you know you will only make an embarrassing picture. In all situations, being you is the perfect way to go. If your date gets embarrassed by the you that is really you, then start thinking about what he or she really wants from this relationship.
Leopards don’t change their spots, remember?
Dealing with the menu
Supposing your date takes place in some up market restaurant or five-star hotel and waiters are pulling out chairs for you, laying napkins on your laps before you ask them and presenting you with a menu? Don’t shriek in terror.
But again, don’t act too clever and mess things up. You have heard about the joke on the ‘know-it-all’ girl who heard her date asking for a menu, and she also piped, “I think I will also eat the menu…!” Avoid such embarrassing moments. If you don’t know, make light of the moment and romantically ask your date to choose for you what to eat. If you are the more knowledgeable about these things, you can take your date out of his or her misery by offering quickly to order for both of you if that is okay with the other person.
And then the utensils
This is a tacky part. People hold forks like spears; put table knives in the left hand and forks in the right hand; gesture with the utensils as they eat; or even try chopsticks without having a clue how they work!
This can make you want to hide under the table and die if possible. So, be careful. You don’t want that piece of chicken flying across the room from under your fork like it is coming from a catapult. Or scooping the spaghetti with your fork, only to have it slither back onto the plate halfway to your open mouth each time? Or when it gets there, strings stay hanging from your lips to the plate and your remedy is to suck them in noisily like a kid! Man, if you don’t know how to roll the noodles on your fork like it is supposed to be done, you don’t have to eat them! Order for something easier on the public eye.
And now for the easy part
Wash your hands and tuck in. Go native, even if this is not proper etiquette depending on where you are hanging out. But it will save you some trouble if again, you make light of the moment and drop a line like “I enjoy food better when I use my fingers!”
You are better off than the other person who fiddles with chopsticks and comes short of hitting her own head with them! Better still, go to the kafunda where you feel more at home. A good date does not necessarily come with Western trimmings. Go to the places where no one will frown when you pick up a piece of meat with your fingers. And in the meantime, practice and learn what is done in the “other” societies. |
|
