From a Debian developer blog:
Many of you have seen the net classic If Operating Systems Were
Airlines. Today, let's consider what the world might be like if
version control systems were airlines...
Before anyone gets mad, this is all in fun, OK?
RCS Airlines: One of the first airlines, from way back when this whole
aviation thing was new and exciting. Each RCS flight carries exactly
one passenger, which RCS believes is a superior way to fly. Although
most RCS airplanes are rusty and battered today, RCS Airlines still
retains its historic dedication to security. Each airplane is kept
locked as much as possible for safety. Occasionally flights will be
delayed for hours because the pilot can't open the locked plane. When
this happens, the pilot will frantically try to get the cell phone
number of whoever it is that has locked the plane. When the plane
finally gets unlocked, you may be tempted to ask why it was locked for
so long. Veteran RCS users have learned that the answer is usually
disgusting, and never ask anymore. Main competitor: CP/M airlines.
CVS Airlines: Founded on the belief that they could be more efficient
than RCS by carrying multiple passengers per flight. They still carry
each passenger in a separate RCS-built airplane, but the airplanes fly
in a goose-like ",V" formation. Watch out for layovers, though. It can
take hours to merge new passengers into the formation properly, and it
might take several attempts to take off afterwards.
CVS flights often feature fights over who gets to fly. CVS piloting
fights are legendary; rumor has it that OpenBSD got started after CVS
airlines refused to allow a passenger to board on the grounds that he
had in the past refused to stow his tray table in the upright and
locked position.
CVS airlines mostly counts as customers the "over-50" crowd who grew
up using CVS and don't like change. Its in-flight magazine features
advertisements for balding-reversal treatments and uuencode tools.
Main competitor: AIX airlines.
Subversion Airlines: Started by some grey-haired CVS executives with
long, wispy beards, Subversion airlines got started by trying to be
"CVS, but better". Subversion airlines was the first major airline to
use planes that seat more than one passenger. Unlike CVS airlines, all
passengers on a Subversion flight travel in the same plane.
Subversion airlines is famous for its Soviet-like centralized control.
All operations must be approved by the Kremlin, and you are allowed,
by the grace of the Party Leader, to gaze at the massive airplanes.
Those that have served the Party and Airline well for many years are
allowed to enter the Great Shrine of the First-Class Comitter, and
actually make changes to the airplanes themselves. Plainclothes
Subversion Airlines security agents lurk on every flight, and you
should not be surprised to be thrown out an airplane window if you
make a joke in bad taste about the pilot's flying skills.
Subversion airlines thrives on the concept that "photocopying is
cheap". You are encouraged to make photocopies of your ticket, or to
photocopy your photo ID, and give copies of each to as many people as
you can. At checkin time at the gate, if more than one person arrives
with a copy of the same ticket, they are ushered into the "merging
room" and each person is given a brick. The door is closed, something
magical occurs, and the one person that emerges still able to walk is
allowed to board the plane.
Main competitor: Windows airlines with no Administrators allowed.
tla airlines: Founded by one of those eccentric British noblemen, Lord
Tom's airline is the utopian philosopher's airline. Chafed by the
heavy-handed control of Subversion Airlines, tla airlines wants every
passenger to be created equal. As you approach the gate area in the
terminal, you will find many philosophers occupying the gate area,
extolling the virtues of tla airlines. They compare tla airlines to
reaching out and touching the heavens, leaving behind the bonds of a
ground-based life, actually merging with the stars. Oh, the gorgeous
beauty of it all! The things we will see!
As you see people arriving from another flight, you observe that some
of them have burn marks. One of them comments that "merging with the
stars doesn't work." Immediately, a dozen philosophers get in a fight
with him, claiming that he simply doesn't understand what it means to
merge with the stars, and that if he gets his inner being in the
proper state first, he'll have a much better experience.
As you board the tla airplane, you obvserve that the jetway is a mile
long. The airplane itself reminds you of something of a cross between
a gothic cathedral and a level of Doom. There are spectacular archways
everywhere, sometimes where they don't really belong. Each archway is
supported by ornate curly braces which you don't normally see on
airplanes, and frankly, you'd rather not, because they look all pointy
and confuse the kids.
As you arrive as your destination terminal, you see it too is full of
philosophers, most of them dining.
Main competitor: VMS airlines.
Darcs Airlines: Unlike every other airline, this one uses physicists
instead of engineers to design its airplanes. One brilliant Darcs
physicist has finally come up with The Theory of Everything, and as
such, Darcs knows where you want to go before even you do. Darcs
airlines prides itself on customer service, and asks your preference
for even the tiniest details about your trip.
Each seat pocket features a copy of the Theory of Everything for your
reading enjoyment, but nobody actually understands it.
Occasionally, you will find that Darcs pilots get into angry conflicts
with the control tower in mid-flight. This results in the control
tower revoking your permission to land. Legend has it that one Darcs
pilot of a plane with exceptionally large fuel tanks actually resolved
his conflict with the tower and landed two weeks after taking off.
Experienced Darcs users board with several parachutes: one for
themselves, and a few more for the newbies.
The Darcs physicists claim that the Theory of Everything predicted the
pilots would act this way, and that all pilots eventually act this way
throughout the entire universe. They toil day and night finding a way
to adjust the gravitational constant of the universe, thereby reducing
the anger factor of the pilots.
Main competitor: OS/2 airlines.
bzr airlines: Founded by a South African who had been injured by a
curly brace on tla airlines, bzr airlines aims to be "tla done right".
They have shortened the jetway, gotten rid of the curly braces, chased
out the philosophers, and no longer have a vision of merging with the
stars. Many that were injured on tla airlines fly bzr airlines, and
out of respect for tla airlines, bzr airlines will still honor tla
tickets.
bzr passengers consider themselves part of an exclusive club because
each flight takes off from a launchpad. They often can be seen
standing in the terminal passing out bzr literature, trying to get
passengers of other airlines to fly bzr, and can't understand how
other airlines continue to exist while people keep walking past their
airplanes.
Main competitor: BeOS Airlines.
Bitkeeper Airlines: One of the world's faster airlines, Bitkeeper
airlines occupied that obscure gate for rich people at the end of the
terminal for many years. Tickets on Bitkeeper Airlines were rumored to
cost thousands of dollars, and were rare and jealously guarded. Then
for awhile, Bitkeeper Airlines started giving away tickets for free,
though they also kept around the expensive tickets for those with
discriminating tastes. Free tickets were made widely available, but
the 3-point type on the back of tickets said that you were never
allowed to think about another airline before, after, or during your
flight, and some people claimed they actually saw the small print
morphing right before their eyes.
Bitkeeper flights often featured arguments over whether people were
harboring secret thoughts of other airlines. If you were caught
thinking about another airline, you were expected to scream vigorously
while being thrown out the escape hatch without a parachute. All of
this commotion tarnished the rarified air that the rich people paid to
experience, so one day it was decided that there would be a Great
Purge, because obviously all free ticket holders had harbored lustful
thoughts of other airlines, so they were all thrown off the airplanes
simultaneously. Today, people aren't exactly sure where the Bitkeeper
gate is, but everyone suspects it still lurks somewhere.
Main competitor: SCO Airlines.
Mercurial Airlines: The "there's one right way to do it" airline,
Mercurial is a sterile, agile, and shiny airline. Every Mercurial
airplane looks identical to every other one, shiny and clean. You
could swear that all the passengers look alike too, and as you
approach the gate, it seems like you too look like everyone else.
Mercurial passengers tend to be a happy bunch, who can't comprehend
anybody that flies Git Airlines. Specks of dirt and dust confuse the
pilots, so it is best to make sure you have showered before boarding.
It is rumored that, through bolting on more engines, some Mercurial
airlines can fly to as many places as Git airlines can, but most
Mercurial passengers are content to not worry about that.
Main competitor: Python Airlines.
Git Airlines: The "there's more than one way to do it" airline, Git
flies the world's largest and fastest airplanes. Git Airlines was
founded by some priests who were flying for free on Bitkeeper Airlines
and survived the fall after the Great Purge. Git airplanes start as
spartan, empty cabins, with no carpeting, chairs, or piloting
controls. At the departure gate, each passenger is handed a bag
containing 173 standard airplane components, accompanied by a 4x5"
sheet of information on the theory of flight, written in 1950. Once
onboard, the passengers use these components to finish out the
airplane for flight: installing chairs, rudder controls, etc. Every
flight results in a plane assembled in a different way, and passengers
on each flight believe they are flying the world's best airplane.
Arguments in the terminal after a flight are common, as passengers
from different flights debate the merits of their particular design.
Despite all this, Git planes turn out to be safe, and Git passengers
believe they get to their destinations in half the time it takes any
other passengers, though sometimes they secretly wonder if the
Mercurial flight got there faster. Occasionally, passengers on Git
airlines build an airplane that appears to go into a tailspin. When
that happens, they simply assemble a tool that lets them go back in
time and change history so that it doesn't crash, although it is
rumored that if you are a member of the public watching this happen
from the ground, it will lead to seizures.
Git airlines takes special pride in the one piece that passengers
don't have to assemble: the plumbing. Every Git lavatory is equipped
with state-of-the-art never-fail plumbing, and the best porcelain
washroom fixtures money can buy. None of these cheap plastic toilets
like you get on every other airline. Here, we have fine porcelain
fixtures.
During a flight, after passengers use the lavatory, they frequently
get into arguments with each other about which style of porcelain
toilet is the best. These arguments are only resolved by the Zen-like
Git Priests, who insist that only inferior passengers need to use a
toilet while in the air.
Main competition: Perl Airline
