[UC] delete this if toilet learning is not an issue at your house this week

[M Sweet]

At The Parent-Infant Center we try to think of it as "learning", rather than "training." There follows an article that we share with parents whose kids are reaching that stage. Toilet learning is different from toilet training. While toilet training is something that an adult does to a child, toilet learning is when children play an active part in their own learning. Toilet learning begins with knowing the signs that tell you children are ready to use the toilet. Learning will happen when you teach in a way that does not punish and does not use treats or rewards. Children who are ready need no rewards to make them want to learn. Most children will be happy and proud when they can go to the potty by themselves, and that is reward enough. The key to toilet learning is teaching--not training--children. It is important to teach them to listen to their bodies, to talk to others clearly about their needs, to get their own clothes off (sometimes with a little help), and to feel good about learning something new. The goal is for the child to feel proud of what she has done. When are Children Ready for Toilet Learning? Every child is different. Just as each child learns walk in his own time, each child becomes ready for toilet learning in his own time. Most children show signs of being physically, mentally, and emotionally ready between the ages of 24 and 38 months. Often, children will have some but not all of these signs of readiness. Here is a checklist of readiness signs to look for in the children. Toilet learning is possible when children are not fully ready, but it is smoothest when children are ready in all three areas. Signs of Readiness Checklist Physical Readiness Child can stay dry for longer periods of time, or overnight Child knows the feelings that signal he/she needs to use the bathroom Child can pull down own pants, and pull them up Child can get him or herself to the toilet Mental and Language Readiness Child can follow simple directions Child can point to wet or soiled clothes and ask to be changed Child pays attention to the physical signals even when she is doing something else (a challenge for many children, which is why accidents are so common) Child knows the words for using the toilet, and can tell an adult when he/she needs to go Child has asked to wear grown-up underwear Emotional Readiness Child seeks privacy when going in diaper Child shows interest in using the toilet--may want to put paper in and flush it Child shows curiosity at other people’s toilet habits Child has decided he/she wants to use the toilet Child is not afraid of the toilet The Normal Ups and Downs of Toilet Learning The course of toilet learning is not always smooth. Accidents and setbacks can happen. Accidents are very common and are a normal part of the learning process. When young children are playing, they can forget the physical signals that they need to use the bathroom. Also, children might be interested in using the toilet one day, and not the next. Many children will insist on wearing diapers and refuse any suggestion of using the toilet. Setbacks like these are normal. Here are some common reasons for setbacks: Often, children are afraid of change and want to be a baby again. This is normal and natural when children are learning to use the toilet. Try to respect the child's timing and let her take time off from the hard work of learning to use the toilet. Sometimes, fear is at the root of a child's refusal to use the toilet. Children may be fearful that their bodies might be giving up something important, or simply afraid of the loud flush of the toilet. Watch for signs of fear. Sometimes just putting the feelings into words for the child can help: "You seem afraid of using the toilet." or "That toilet sounds very loud, doesn't it?" Just like adults, children want to be alone when they are using the toilet. Some children do not want to use a toilet in a group setting. Provide as much privacy as you can while still being able to watch over things. Some children have trouble with constipation and do not want to use the toilet. Also, while some children have regular bowel movements, others do not. Increasing fiber in the child's diet can help make children more regular, and sometimes this can help a child to succeed in using the toilet. Encourage families to serve high-fiber foods to children, such as fruits, vegetables, or whole grain products, and serve these as snacks whenever you can. Toileting can also become a power struggle between parent and child. Parents do not always have the control they would like to have--while you can make a child sit on the potty, you cannot make him use it. Sometimes this can force a parent into insisting that the child go, but this is a losing battle that can lead the child to refuse to use the toilet. Setbacks are also normal when children are under stress. Moving, the birth of a baby, and starting a new child care program are all stressful events, and children may have many accidents and setbacks at these times. Handling Accidents and Setbacks Because most children are upset when they have an accident, it must be handled in a way that will not hurt feelings. Accidents can be learning experiences if they are handled gently, but they can cause setbacks for children if they are handled poorly. It is best to handle accidents in a matter-of-fact way. You might say, "All kids have accidents once in a while," and then help the child get cleaned up and redressed. No child should feel bad about having an accident. Saying "I thought you were a big boy" or insisting that a child wear diapers is humiliating to growing children. They should not be punished for making an honest mistake. Let the child redress herself after an accident. Whenever possible, follow the child's lead about whether she would like to wear diapers or underpants. Show the child you believe she can wear underpants again. The greatest gift we give to children is our confidence that they can succeed. About Diapers Today’s disposable diapers are so absorbent that children may not feel wet when they have an accident. Modern diapers may not always be best because accidents serve a purpose: They help children connect feelings of urinating with feelings of wetness. Pull-up diapers are also popular today. Some child specialists believe that pull-up diapers could slow down toilet learning. Pull-ups send a mixed message, saying to use the toilet and to use diapers at the same time. Working Together with Parents and Children There are many ideas about the best way to teach children to use the toilet. Differences among generations and cultures are common. But one thing seems to be true for almost all families: Toilet learning brings up strong feelings in children and parents. This is one reason why the role of the child care provider in toilet learning can be a sensitive one. The adult's job in toilet learning is to set the stage for success. The timing and the rhythm of toilet learning is up to the child. Allowing the child the freedom to decide to take the lead in his/her own toilet learning can be hard for many of us, especially if we have learned that it is an adult’s job to "train" a child. The child care provider supports the family by both following the lead of the child and listening to the ideas, feelings, and concerns of the parents. This can be hard to do.