Many people thought that Winston Smith died back in 1984. But someone
spiked his Victory gin, and it turns out that he just had a thirty year
hangover.
In 2011, Winston decided to take a funky vibe dollar stroll up the
brightly lit Baltimore Ave commercial corridor looking for cleaner safer
walkability amenities in the special democracy district. On the way, he
spotted the Green Line Cafe and decided to stop in for an upscale
Victory coffee to celebrate world peace as ordered by CNN.
After the upscale real estate lady ordered her third triple latte and
passed a little gas, it was Winston's turn to order. Before asking for
his Victory Coffee, Winston decided to compliment the owner for his new
expanded seating area on 43rd St. Winston said to the owner, "I really
like the ugliness of your new upscale seating area. I'm sure our dear
big brothers at Penn Praxis approve."
Before Winston could end the compliment with the obligatory, hail to
UCD; Siano pulled his pants up to his shoulders and sprang to his feet.
In another corner of the room, Mr West from the Ministry of Truth
started bouncing around like a Mexican jumping bean.
The smart Love drones from the Ministry of Justice could already be
heard circling above the newly redesigned park when Van Helshit shouted
into one of the many gadgets he was plugged into, "we've got a
thoughtcrime at the parklet! Swarm! Swarm!"
As all the good parklet people ran quickly away from Winston, jackbooted
riot police swarmed through the parklet door with their Love tazers.
With helpless resignation the insane Winston asked his torturers, "Are
you going to vaporize me in Clark park where you vaporized Glenn Moyer"
At that, West, Siano, and Van Helshit burst into approved laughter. "No
such leftist wanker named, Glenn Moyer, ever existed," they cackled in
unison.
And big brother had greatly improved since 1984. All parklets in the
village had had telescreens covering every nanometer of the Democracy
district installed years earlier. Controlled from the Franklin
building, the smart Love drones had been deployed to neutralize the
thoughtcrime the moment the insane Winston uttered the heresy. In a
flash, Winston was vaporized right at the door of the parklet.
As West, Siano, and Van Helshit obediently went back to their lattes and
the lightly moderated UCNeighbors happy listserv, all thoughts went back
to the happy good children. There hadn't been a proper hanging at Clark
Park since all the whores, drug addicts, and gangs were locked up in a
chain gang. Now that CNN declared world peace, how were the good
children going to be properly prepared for Hate Week in a world free of
wars and public executions?
Gotta go now. I hear civic association leaders knocking at my door.
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