I am in love with Pig 0.12. One problem is that I can't install it. Of
course, I am better off using Linux, obviously, but I've been secretly
using Windows for the last 20 years. So it would be nice to install it on
Windows, especially because 0.12 works on Windows. (by the way I have some
experience with Linux and about 2.5 years of Mac OS).

I have couple of questions since after I spend 2 days following the install
directions to no avail.

1. What this means:

Mandatory
Unix and Windows users need the following:
• Hadoop 0.20.2, 020.203, 020.204, 0.20.205, 1.0.0, 1.0.1, or 0.23.0, 0.23.1

and then it says that if I don't have Hadoop, then it will use the embedded
version.

DO I NEED TO INSTALL HADOOP SEPARATELY?

2. "Windows users also need to install Cygwin and the Perl package:
http://www.cygwin.com/";, first of all, what do I need to install?

Cygwin? Cygwin dll? Where is the Perl package? Do I need Perl package?

because the other source says something about that you DON'T need Cygwin
for Pig 0.12.: https://issues.apache.org/jira/browse/PIG-2793

I do understand that this is too many stupid questions, but I simply can't
install it. And I'd love to. I mean, I can run the setups, but my "pig
-help" fails on me.

Please, help me and I'll spread the word, how to actually install in on
Windows.

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