Since this is Friday: How about a little Monty Python *Receptionist:* Yes, sir?
*Man:* I'd like to have an argument please. *Receptionist:* Certainly, sir, have you been here before...? *Man:* No, this is my first time. *Receptionist:* I see. Do you want to have the full argument, or were you thinking of taking a course? *Man:* Well, what would be the cost? *Receptionist:* Yes, it's one pound for a five-minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten. *Man:* Well, I think it's probably best of I start with the one and see how it goes from there. OK? *Receptionist:* Fine. I'll see who's free at the moment... Mr. Du-Bakey's free, but he's a little bit concilliatory... Yes, try Mr. Barnard -- Room 12. *Man:* Thank you. *[...] The man knocks on the door.* *Mr Vibrating:**(from within)* Come in. *The man enters the room. Mr Vibrating is sitting at a desk.* *Man:* Is this the right room for an argument? *Mr Vibrating:* I've told you *once*. *Man:* No you haven't. *Mr Vibrating:* Yes I have. *Man:* When? *Mr Vibrating:* Just now! *Man:* No you didn't. *Mr Vibrating:* Yes I did! *Man:* Didn't. *Mr Vibrating:* Did. *Man:* Didn't. *Mr Vibrating:* I'm telling you I did! *Man:* You did not! *Mr Vibrating:* I'm sorry, is this a five minute argument, or the full half-hour? *Man:* Oh, just a five minute one. *Mr Vibrating:* Fine. *(makes a note of it; the man sits down)* Thank you. Anyway I did. *Man:* You most certainly did not. *Mr Vibrating:* Now, let's get one thing *quite* clear... I most definitely told you! *Man:* You did not. *Mr Vibrating:* Yes I did. *Man:* You did not. *Mr Vibrating:* Yes I did. *Man:* Didn't. *Mr Vibrating:* Yes I did. *Man:* Didn't. *Mr Vibrating:* Yes I did!! *Man:* Look this isn't an argument. *Mr Vibrating:* Yes it is. *Man:* No it isn't, it's just contradiction. *Mr Vibrating:* No it isn't. *Man:* Yes it is. *Mr Vibrating:* It is not. *Man:* It is. You just contradicted me. *Mr Vibrating:* No I didn't. *Man:* Ooh, you did! *Mr Vibrating:* No, no, no, no, no. *Man:* You did, just then. *Mr Vibrating:* No, nonsense! *Man:* Oh, look this is futile. *Mr Vibrating:* No it isn't. *Man:* I came here for a good argument. *Mr Vibrating:* No you didn't, you came here for an *argument.* *Man:* Well, an argument's not the same as contradiction. *Mr Vibrating:* It can be. *Man:* No it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a definite proposition. *Mr Vibrating:* No it isn't. *Man:* Yes it is. It isn't just contradiction. *Mr Vibrating:* Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position. *Man:* But it isn't just saying "No it isn't". *Mr Vibrating:* Yes it is. *Man:* No it isn't, an argument is an intellectual process... contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says. *Mr Vibrating:* No it isn't. *Man:* Yes it is. *Mr Vibrating:* Not at all. *Man:* Now look! *Mr Vibrating:**(pressing the bell on his desk)* Thank you, good morning. *Man:* What? *Mr Vibrating:* That's it. Good morning. *Man:* But I was just getting interested. *Mr Vibrating:* Sorry the five minutes is up. *Man:* That was never five minutes just now! *Mr Vibrating:* I'm afraid it was. *Man:* No it wasn't. *Mr Vibrating:* I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more. *Man:* What!? *Mr Vibrating:* If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes. *Man:* But that was never five minutes just now... oh come on! *(Vibrating looks round as though man was not there)* This is ridiculous. *Mr Vibrating:* I'm very sorry, but I told you I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid. *Man:* Oh. All right. *(pays)* There you are. *Mr Vibrating:* Thank you. *Man:* Well? *Mr Vibrating:* Well what? *Man:* That was never five minutes just now. *Mr Vibrating:* I told you I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid. *Man:* I've just paid. *Mr Vibrating:* No you didn't. *Man:* I did! I did! I did! *Mr Vibrating:* No you didn't. *Man:* Look I don't want to argue about that. *Mr Vibrating:* Well I'm very sorry but you didn't pay. *Man:* Aha! Well if I didn't pay, why are you arguing... got you! *Mr Vibrating:* No you haven't. *Man:* Yes I have... if you're arguing I must have paid. *Mr Vibrating:* Not necessarily. I *could* be arguing in my spare time. *Man:* I've had enough of this. *Mr Vibrating:* No you haven't. -- "You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it float on its back." ~Dakota Jack~
