> THE FUNNIES ON LIFE
>
>
>
>
>
> My husband and I
> divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God,
> and I didn't.
>
> **********
>
>
> Marriage is a
> threering circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and
> suffering.
>
>
> **********
>
>
> For Sale: Wedding
> dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake.
>
>
> **********
>
>
>
> There are two
> times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before
> marriage and after marriage.
>
>
> **********
>
>
> Why were
> hurricanes usually named after women? Because when they
> arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they
> take your house and car
>
>
> **********
>
> An old man goes to
> the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been
> living with for the last 40 years.
>
>
> The Wizard says,
> "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
> that were used to put the curse on you." The old man
> says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and
> wife."
>
>
> **********
>
> I was in the
> express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely
> ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into
> the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with
> groceries.
>
>
> Imagine my delight
> when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked
> into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items
> would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it be great if
> that happened more often?
>
> **********
>
> Because they had
> no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor
> and his wife were told there would be a 45minute wait for a
> table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old,"
> the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes."
> They were seated immediately.
>
> **********
>
>
> All eyes were on
> the radiant bride as her father escorted her down he aisle.
> They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride
> kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The
> guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter.
> Even the priest smiled broadly.
>
>
> As her father gave
> her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit
> card.
>
> **********
>
> Women and cats
> will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and
> get used to the idea.
>
> **********
>
> Three friends from
> the local congregation were asked, "When you're in
> your casket, and friends and congregation members are
> mourning over you, what would you like them to
> say?"
>
>
> Artie said:
> "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a
> fine spiritual leader, and a great family man." Eugene
> commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful
> teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in
> people's lives." Al said: "I'd like them
> to say, "Look, he's
> moving!"
>
> **********
>
> Smith climbs to
> the top of Mt.Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
> Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a
> million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A
> minute."
>
> Smith asks,
> "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The
> Lord replies, "A penny."
>
> Smith asks,
> "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a
> minute."
>
> **********
>
> A man goes to a
> shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.
> Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men.
> In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going
> crazy What do you think I should
> do?"
>
>
> "Relax,"
> says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down.
> Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's
> bar?"
>
> *********
>
> John was on his
> deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last
> request, dear," he said. "Of course, John,"
> his wife said softly. "Six months after I die," he
> said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But I
> thought you hated Bob," she said. With his last breath
> John said, "I do!"
>
> **********
>
> A man goes to see
> the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and
> I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked,
> "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife
> is poisoning me."
>
> The Rabbi, very
> surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The
> man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain
> she's poisoning me, what should I
> do?"
>
> The Rabbi then
> offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll
> see what I can find out and I'll let you
> know."
>
> A week later the
> Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your
> wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want
> my advice?" The man said yes and the Rabbi! replied,
> "Take the poison."
>
> **********
--~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups
"VaniV88-89" group.
To post to this group, send email to [email protected]
To unsubscribe from this group, send email to
[email protected]
For more options, visit this group at
http://groups.google.com/group/VaniV88-89?hl=en
-~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
