the same result occurs whether I add user to club or club to user. The same IDs end up in the join table. Or are you referring to the WebObjects manages it's in memory graph. I can see that is different by the fact I got different results, but am I missing something else? I'd like to understand this better if I can.

You are worrying about the wrong thing. YOU worry about the Object Graph. Let EOF worry about implementation artifacts. That is what it does.
... and I'll reiterate again, because it's just that much worth it ... get eogenerator setup with some cool eogenerator templates (tons of examples of great templates are in the WO wikibook) and never think about addObjectToBothSidesOfRelationshipWithKey ever again.

ms

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