Saw Arlo live last Friday night in Keene,NH. Highlights here: http://speedwayfowler.blogspot.com/2008/11/arlo-guthrie-at-colonial-theatre-keene.html
(No Alice on this year's tour.) Happy Thanksgiving! -----Original Message----- >From: "Thomas Allen Heald, Esquire" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >Sent: Nov 27, 2008 4:33 PM >To: wnndl@googlegroups.com >Subject: You know, if one person, just one person does it they may think he's >really sick and they won't take him. > > >This song is called Alice's Restaurant, and it's about Alice, and the >restaurant, but Alice's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant, >that's just the name of the song, and that's why I called the song >Alice's Restaurant. > >You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant >You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant >Walk right in it's around the back >Just a half a mile from the railroad track >You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant > >Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on >Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the >restaurant, but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the >church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray >and Fasha the dog. And livin' in the bell tower like that, they got a >lot of room downstairs where the pews used to be in. Havin' all that >room, seein' as how they took out all the pews, they decided that they >didn't have to take out their garbage for a long time. > >We got up there, we found all the garbage in there, and we decided it'd >be a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the city dump. > So we took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red VW >microbus, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and >headed on toward the city dump. > >Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the >dump saying, "Closed on Thanksgiving." And we had never heard of a dump >closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes we drove off >into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage. > >We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the side of >the side road there was another fifteen foot cliff and at the bottom of >the cliff there was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big >pile is better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up >we decided to throw our's down. > >That's what we did, and drove back to the church, had a thanksgiving >dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the >next morning, when we got a phone call from officer Obie. He said, >"Kid, we found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of >garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it." >And I said, "Yes, sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie, I put that >envelope under that garbage." > >After speaking to Obie for about fourty-five minutes on the telephone we >finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go >down and pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to him >at the police officer's station. So we got in the red VW microbus with >the shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward >the police officer's station. > >Now friends, there was only one or two things that Obie coulda done at >the police station, and the first was he could have given us a medal for >being so brave and honest on the telephone, which wasn't very likely, >and we didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us >out and told us never to be see driving garbage around the vicinity >again, which is what we expected, but when we got to the police >officer's station there was a third possibility that we hadn't even >counted upon, and we was both immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I >said "Obie, I don't think I can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs >on." He said, "Shut up, kid. Get in the back of the patrol car." > >And that's what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and drove to >the quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about the town of >Stockbridge, Massachusets, where this happened here, they got three stop >signs, two police officers, and one police car, but when we got to the >Scene of the Crime there was five police officers and three police cars, >being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to >get in the newspaper story about it. And they was using up all kinds of >cop equipment that they had hanging around the police officer's station. >They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot prints, dog smelling prints, >and they took twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with >circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining >what each one was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of >the approach, the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and >that's not to mention the aerial photography. > >After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Obie said he was going to >put us in the cell. Said, "Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell, I >want your wallet and your belt." And I said, "Obie, I can understand >you wanting my wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell, >but what do you want my belt for?" And he said, "Kid, we don't want any >hangings." I said, "Obie, did you think I was going to hang myself for >littering?" Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was, cause he >took out the toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and >drown, and he took out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll >out the - roll the toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and >have an escape. Obie was making sure, and it was about four or five >hours later that Alice (remember Alice? It's a song about Alice), Alice >came by and with a few nasty words to Obie on the side, bailed us out of >jail, and we went back to the church, had a another thanksgiving dinner >that couldn't be beat, and didn't get up until the next morning, when we >all had to go to court. > >We walked in, sat down, Obie came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten >colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the >back of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All rise." We all stood >up, and Obie stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy >pictures, and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he >sat down, we sat down. Obie looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at >the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and >arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing >eye dog. And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures >with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and >began to cry, 'cause Obie came to the realization that it was a typical >case of American blind justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do >about it, and the judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven >eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a >paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be >used as evidence against us. And we was fined $50 and had to pick up >the garbage in the snow, but thats not what I came to tell you about. > >Came to talk about the draft. > >They got a building down New York City, it's called Whitehall Street, >where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected, >neglected and selected. I went down to get my physical examination one >day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, >so I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. `Cause I >wanted to look like the all-American kid from New York City, man I >wanted, I wanted to feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all American >kid from New York, and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung >down, hung up, and all kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in >and sat down and they gave me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the >phsychiatrist, room 604." > >And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, >I wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore >and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, >Kill, KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "KILL, >KILL," and he started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping >up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL." And the sargent came over, pinned a >medal on me, sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy." > >Didn't feel too good about it. > >Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections, >detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me >at the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four >hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty >ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was >inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no >part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see >the last man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing >there, and I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Kid, we >only got one question. Have you ever been arrested?" > >And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Alice's Restaurant >Massacre, with full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like >that and all the phenome... - and he stopped me right there and said, >"Kid, did you ever go to court?" > >And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten >colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on >the back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, I >want you to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W .... NOW kid!!" > >And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's >where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after >committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty >ugly looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father >stabbers. Father rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the >bench next to me! And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible >crime-type guys sitting on the bench next to me. And the meanest, >ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming >over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind >of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I >said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay $50 and pick up the garbage." > He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?" > >And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench >there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I >said, "And creating a nuisance." And they all came back, shook my hand, >and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother >stabbing, father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking >about on the bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes >and all kinds of things, until the Sargeant came over, had some paper in >his hand, held it up and said. > >"Kids, >this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna-know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting-officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", > > >and talked for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he >said, but we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils >on the bench there, and I filled out the massacre with the four part >harmony, and wrote it down there, just like it was, and everything was >fine and I put down the pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, >and there, there on the other side, in the middle of the other side, >away from everything else on the other side, in parentheses, capital >letters, quotated, read the following words: > >("KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?") > >I went over to the sargent, said, "Sargeant, you got a lot a damn gall >to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that >just, I'm sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group >W bench 'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn >women, kids, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug." He looked at >me and said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you >fingerprints off to Washington." > >And friends, somewhere in Washington enshrined in some little folder, is >a study in black and white of my fingerprints. And the only reason I'm >singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar >situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a >situation like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk >into the shrink wherever you are ,just walk in say "Shrink, You can get >anything you want, at Alice's restaurant.". And walk out. > >You know, if one person, just one person does it they may think he's >really sick and they won't take him. And if two people, two people do >it, in harmony, they may think they're both faggots and they won't take >either of them. And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three >people walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. >They may think it's an organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty >people a day,I said fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of >Alice's Restaurant and walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a >movement. > >And that's what it is , the Alice's Restaurant Anti-Massacre Movement, >and all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around >on the guitar. > >With feeling. So we'll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here >and sing it when it does. Here it comes. > >You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant >You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant >Walk right in it's around the back >Just a half a mile from the railroad track >You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant > >That was horrible. If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing >loud. I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes. I could >sing it for another twenty five minutes. I'm not proud... or tired. > >So we'll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part >harmony and feeling. > >We're just waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing. > >All right now. > >You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant >Excepting Alice >You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant >Walk right in it's around the back >Just a half a mile from the railroad track >You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant > >Da da da da da da da dum >At Alice's Restaurant. > > > >> --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "World News Now Discussion List" group. 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