at 3am in the morning it's the dark night of the soul part 69
23 days into the residency, i've done nothing i am waiting for my physicist to tell me the yes/no of the wave equation i am waiting for a job to descend from god forever i am waiting for death so everyone will be relieved this body will be relieved, that's for sure, maybe my sister for that matter when i die i will miss azure forever, now i just do not deserve her my guitar and shakuhachi will miss me and my long lonesome sound dear god, i am tired, as my friend tom might say, of scrambling upon the face of the earth, it is hard scrabble times i might say, now god, do something about it, and while you're at it, cure disease, save the animals and plants, save the innocent, almost all of us, end disease, end poverty, paint a smile upon heaven's face 24 days and i still will have done nothing today we are releasing a california toad back into the wild, we are searching for surplus equipment, our teeth are fine, i no longer sleep, do not want to return to new york where there is so much sickness and pollution, dear god i may want to die before my time, but not that way i want to echo space into space, i do not know enough electronics, this space loop magnetic field receiver transmitter antenna, such a sudden pulse! i am about to lose my website, jim andrews, august highland, simon biggs, simon penny, will be glad, it is ragtag, just a bunch of stupid files, last night i would step on them, they didn't budge, they just sat around, sometime soon i will sneak in and erase them my meditation on analog and digital, i can't even distinguish between digital and discrete, is unbearably lazy, i know that in my heart, but today i wanted to see the one-armed teenager in the fourth of july parade in huntington beach, but she passed invisibly by, she was a wonder-surfer and is still a wonder-surfer, i am reading microbiology microbiology says, 'exchange with me' now i will try to sleep again, recently it has been all plane and car crashes, violent beatings, houses falling apart, einstuerzende neubauten, curved roads narrowed to points, all in the 3am dark night of the soul, and a war and a war and a war soon i will have my forty-three lines, i did not mention the measure of all things _
