POWER METAL: He arrives on a mighty steed wielding an
enchanted sword.... slays the dragon, rescues the
princess and makes her his queen. The bards continue
to write songs about his exploits to this day.
POWER METAL: the trend representative arrives in the
castle riding a
pegasus, cowardly avoiding the dragon, saves the
princess and then fly
away to have sex.
TRUE METAL: This hero arrives to the castle, faces the
dragon and defeats
it in a rough battle with his sword. Has sex with the
princess all covered
with the dragon's blood
Tr00 Metal: The protagonist arrives on his valliant
LEATHER steed with his Manowar tee-shirt! He slays the
dragon with all his might, he finds the princess, asks
her "What's the best fucking music on the planet?",
she says "60s rock," aghast he chants a spell and
sends her to an eternal burning in the flames of HEAVY
METAAAAAAAL!
GOTHIC METAL: The princess in a velvet costume starts
singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duett
by adding the beast part, while the dragon plays the
flute. Suddenly he swallows up the pipe and accidently
scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to
death. All their souls are damned in hell's eternity
SPEED METAL: Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is
confused, someones screaming weird stuff, princess
realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and princess
are still looking for the one who did this.
NU METAL: (we all hate this ... don't you?) he gets to
the castle bragging about his fighting abilities. The
dragon laughs and gets the sh*t
out of this poor 15 year older. The boy looses in
shame and runs out into
the castle, meets the princess and talks to her about
his disgraceful
childhood, the princess slaps him on his face and he
leaves crying going
back home to record a "best of" cd
CLASSIC ROCK AND ROLL: Arrives on a motor bike smoking
some pot and offers a bit to the dragon who happened
to be his friend, then he sleeps in a tent with the
princess in the bottom of the garden and after much
sex,
loads of drugs and Rock 'n' Roll he chokes in with his
own vomit and dies
PUNK: (This one's the very best cowards) Throws a rock
to the dragon and
runs away, the dragon burns his mohican hairstyle and
he writes the A symbol of anarchy on the castle's
wall. He meets the princess and grosses her up with
his cheap vodka breath. The princess dies and the
punky takes over the castle and sets a punk store.
HARD ROCK: This one arrives in a red 56er Cadillac
with two big-boobed blonde girls drinking a Jack
Daniels bottle. Kills the dragon with a knife and
makes up an orgy with the blonde girls and the
princess.
THE HIP HOP WHIGGER: (This one must be the most hated
by us... isn't he?) Gets there jiving and talking in
ibonics and "singing" "Snoop Dogg" shit and his
ghettoness and stench scares the dragon off. Meets the
princess and jumps her to steal her goods to buy some
weed and glue to sniff.
THE DEMOCRAT HIPPIE: Gets there fucking the dragon
around about being an imperialist lizard and that it's
a black gold exploiter, throws some molotov bombs at
it and kills it. Then the pigs (police) get to the
place and get the shit out of the hippie, they arrest
him and he refuses to save the princess because she's
part of the oligarchy.
BOY BAND DUDE: Gets there but the dragon tells him to
record an album coz he sings good, he gets the hell
out of the place and records his shity stuff. He tells
the press he's a virgin, but later he kisses Michael
Jackson and later on he marries Britney Spears's fan
club president
Metallica Fan - The protagonist sees the Dragon, does
NOT fight him but instead threatens to sue him, the
fearful Dragon lets him in, he sees the princess, he
does not say anything to her but instead looks for her
chest of gold, steals it, and runs away.
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