some nitty gritty fun..merle
> > > >IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER. >>> >>>These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things >>>people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by >>>court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges >>>were taking place: >>> >>>ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? >>>WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' >>>ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? >>>WITNESS: My name is Susan! >>>_______________________________ >>>ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? >>>WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. >>>____________________________________________ >>>ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? >>>WITNESS: No, I just lie there. >>>____________________________________________ >>>ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? >>>WITNESS: July 18th. >>>ATTORNEY: What year? >>>WITNESS: Every year. >>>_____________________________________ >>>ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? >>>WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. >>>ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? >>>WITNESS: Forty-five years. >>>_________________________________ >>>ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? >>>WITNESS: Yes. >>>ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? >>>WITNESS: I forget.. >>>ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? >>>___________________________________________ >>>ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he >>>doesn't know about it until the next morning? >>>WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? >>>____________________________________ >>> >>>ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? >>>WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. >>>___________________________________________ >>>ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? >>>WITNESS: Are you shitting me? >>>_________________________________________ >>>ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? >>>WITNESS: Yes. >>>ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? >>>WITNESS: Getting laid >>>____________________________________________ >>> >>>ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? >>>WITNESS: Yes. >>>ATTORNEY: How many were boys? >>>WITNESS: None. >>>ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? >>>WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a >>>new attorney? >>>____________________________________________ >>>ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? >>>WITNESS: By death.. >>>ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? >>>WITNESS: Take a guess. >>>___________________________________________ >>> >>>ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? >>>WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard >>>ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? >>>WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. >>>_____________________________________ >>>ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition >>>notice which I sent to your attorney? >>>WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. >>>______________________________________ >>>ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead >>>people? >>>WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. >>>_________________________________________ >>>ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? >>>WITNESS: Oral... >>>_________________________________________ >>>ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? >>>WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM >>>ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? >>>WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. >>>____________________________________________ >>>ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? >>>WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? >>>______________________________________ >>>And last: >>> >>>ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a >>>pulse? >>>WITNESS: No. >>>ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? >>>WITNESS: No. >>>ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? >>>WITNESS: No.. >>>ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began >>>the autopsy? >>>WITNESS: No. >>>ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? >>>WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. >>>ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? >>>WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and >>>practicing law >>> >>> > > > >-- > >"The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the >pessimist fears this is true." > > - James Branch Cabell
