Vote for the first ever (something) ... Todd Domke* | International Herald Tribune |22 November 2007
http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/11/22/opinion/edomke.php?page=1 You didn't hear it mentioned as a blessing in a Thanksgiving prayer or speech, but we should be thankful for the 2008 presidential contest. We, the people, criticize everything about it - the candidates, campaigns, contributions, commercials, coverage - but the contest in both parties is unusually interesting this year because the multi- candidate dynamic keeps it so unpredictable. There is one outcome, however, that we can safely predict: History will be made. First (something) president Everyone appreciates that Hillary Clinton would be our first female president, and, as a bonus, would give us another "first" - a former president as First Ladies' Man. And we all know Barack Obama would be our first African-American president. However, other candidates also have "first ever" claims to fame. Bill Richardson would be the first Hispanic-American president. Rudy Giuliani would be the first Italian-American president. Mitt Romney would be the first Mormon elected president. Mike Huckabee would be the first former minister (Baptist) elected president. John McCain would be the first former prisoner of war (Vietnam). John Edwards would be the first to have been on the board of a hedge fund (Cayman Islands). Fred Thompson would be the tallest president in history. At 6 feet 6 inches, he would beat out Abraham Lincoln, who was 6 feet 4 inches without his stovepipe hat. (Folks were much shorter in the 1860s, so Abe is probably still taller if we adjust for height inflation.) By comnparison, the first-ever claims for second-tier candidates seem third-rate. Joe Biden would be the first to have had hair plugs. If elected, he could plug a growing industry: "I'm not only a member of the Hair Club for Men, I'm also president of the United States." Chris Dodd would be the first to have claimed that his white hair shows he has the experience for the job, which is his mane argument. Ron Paul would be the first to have raised $4 million in one day through the Internet. (However, Mitt Romney could have easily beaten that record if he had sent an electronic check to his campaign Web site for the $17 million he's donated personally.) Bill Richardson would be the first to claim that the federal government hasn't revealed "everything it knows" about a 1947 flying saucer "sighting" in Roswell, New Mexico. Dennis Kucinich would be the first to have had a close encounter with an Unidentified Flying Object. President Jimmy Carter reported seeing a UFO, but, according to actress Shirley MacLaine in her book, "Sage-ing While Age-ing," Kucinich practically had a mind-meld at her house in Graham, Washington. "Dennis found his encounter extremely moving. The smell of roses drew him out to my balcony where, when he looked up, he saw a gigantic triangular craft, silent, and observing him. It hovered, soundless, for 10 minutes or so, and sped away with a speed he couldn't comprehend. He said he felt a connection in his heart and heard directions in his mind." I assume those directions were to Iowa. Anyway, you know this election is important if extraterrestrial aliens are bothering to spin second-tier candidates. First in irony: This is the first time in American history when there is no WASP (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant) male among the four leading presidential candidates (Clinton, Obama, Giuliani, and Romney). Ironically, while this is the most diverse field of candidates in history, immigration is the hottest issue. This is also the first presidential race to resemble a reality TV show. Who will survive to become America's Next Top Model Leader? Ironically, the two candidates considered most telegenic are also considered the most chameleon-like in changing their positions to reflect their parties' base voters. Mitt Romney and John Edwards were mellow moderates four years ago. Now Romney is an angry conservative (especially about immigration) and Edwards is an angry liberal (especially about Hillary). The TV networks sponsoring debates have also made history. They've set a record in the number of times their cameras have cut away to a candidate's spouse - the tall, glam Mrs. Dennis Kucinich, who is considered his better two-thirds. They added a "lightning round" ("Can you name the prime minister of Canada?") and featured a question from an animated snowman. Despite the sensational stagecraft, history is being made in another way: Record numbers of voters are not watching these debates. Apparently voters are pacing themselves, keeping their excitement to sustainable levels. They realize that there's still a year for candidates to debate the big issues, like: Should we give driver's licenses to extraterrestrial aliens? Meanwhile, be thankful - there are only 347 days until we make history. *Todd Domke is a Republican political analyst, public relations strategist and author. This article first appeared in The Boston Globe.
