Thanks, all. My aim in writing this post was to underscore the importance of learning how to assert yourself, even when it is against your own family. Just yesterday, as I was exploring accommodation options for my upcoming fellowship in London, my father was insisting that I travel by taxi from my hotel to my workplace, even though it is an accessible 10 minute route or take a more expensive hotel just across the street from the office. You are not going there to exercise, he said. If we need to pay personally to opt for more expensive accommodation, we will. Someone from office can help you cross the street.
For someone who has always had sight, imagining a world without it always remains impossible. Sometimes, persuasion is the solution; on other occasions, simply learning to back yourself and the choices you make. Best, Rahul Best, Rahul Sent from my iPhone > On Aug 1, 2019, at 9:15 AM, Rohith P <p.roh...@gmail.com> wrote: > > Enjoyed reading it, Rahul. > I too can relate to many of your experiences. I recall how my > "protective" family did not allow me to join JNU for MA. > Regards, > Rohith > >> On 8/1/19, Ajay Minocha <ajayminoc...@gmail.com> wrote: >> Rahul, This makes me recall all your emails/posts which are rightly >> mentioned in this outstanding piece. >> >> Although you certainly deserve a pat on your back for all your >> achievements but according to me, your biggest achievement has been >> the ability to trust yourself and ask all your doubts without any >> hesitation. >> >> Saying this from my personal experience, it takes ounces of will power >> to take that first step! >> >> All the best for all your future endeavors! >> >> >>> On 31/07/2019, George Abraham <geo...@eyeway.org> wrote: >>> Enjoyed reading the piece. Certainly inspire many of us. I like your >>> style. >>> >>> Best >>> >>> George >>> >>> -----Original Message----- >>> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On >>> Behalf >>> Of shahid.se...@gmail.com >>> Sent: Wednesday, July 31, 2019 3:51 PM >>> To: 'AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues >>> concerning >>> the disabled.' >>> Subject: Re: [AI] Living independently in a faraway land >>> >>> FYI >>> LIVING INDEPENDENTLY IN A FARAWAY LAND >>> Posted on July 26, 2019 by Rahul Bajaj >>> >>> I have often made references on this blog to how living alone for the >>> first >>> time has been a key reason why the last year has been so transformative >>> for >>> me. I can see why that might seem odd to some. Why should a 25-year-old >>> man >>> living away from his family be noteworthy? Isn’t that just how things are >>> supposed to be, they might wonder. However, when I step back to reflect on >>> how my life has thus far unfolded from the standpoint of independent >>> living, >>> it becomes apparent why this has been such a significant development. >>> Until >>> I moved to Delhi to take up my first job, my life in my home town was very >>> circumscribed. >>> I’d have always access to a driver to get to places. Things like doing the >>> laundry independently, cooking my own food or washing my utensils had >>> never >>> even crossed my mind. I always took what was at once both a privilege and >>> a >>> burden and a blessing and a ‘golden cage’ for granted. >>> In a country like India, in which the status quo essentially results in >>> the >>> disabled being relegated to the fringes of society, I have always >>> recognized >>> my good fortune in having access to the resources critical for me to make >>> good the major deficit of having a severe impairment. However, the same >>> resources which freed me from the shackles imposed by my disability >>> sometimes handicapped me in other ways. >>> When I was in school, I’d always be accompanied by a sighted helper who >>> took >>> me everywhere, took my notes for me, dropped me home after school and so >>> on. >>> Some of my classmates would sometimes speak with her rather than me when >>> they wanted to find out how many marks I had scored in an exam, for >>> instance. >>> When I was around 17 and in junior college, I felt socially isolated, >>> having >>> no group of friends from school or junior college with whom I met on a >>> regular basis. I posted about this problem on a mailing list for blind >>> people, Access India. I got uniformly lambasted, and in retrospect >>> rightly, >>> for always going everywhere in the company of a sighted helper even at >>> that >>> age. It was then that I first recognized the importance of breaking free >>> of >>> my chains which I had until then perceived as a privilege. >>> After examining from close quarters the superficial relationship that many >>> children share with their parents, I have come to acquire a newfound >>> appreciation for my family’s concern in my well being which, though >>> sometimes misplaced and unfounded, is always rooted in a sense of being >>> deeply invested in my welfare. I still remember the heated arguments that >>> I >>> would have with my family every time I would voice a desire to go for a >>> conference to a different city or pursue an internship. >>> I found myself locked in a vicious cycle. Because of the patterns of >>> dependence that I had gotten habituated to, I always had to be accompanied >>> by a family member if I wanted to travel to a new city. This naturally >>> meant >>> that the cost to be incurred and resources and energy to be invested in >>> the >>> project, got doubled. When this was the investment that had to be made to >>> so >>> much as travel to a nearby city for a conference, naturally, few things >>> seemed so important as to justify this investment. >>> One of my role models whose journey never ceases to inspire me is American >>> Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor. I suppose the key reason for this >>> is >>> the grace and equanimity with which she has dealt with her impairment, >>> childhood diabetes and never allowed her impairment of childhood diabetes >>> to >>> limit the scope of her aspirations. In her book, My Beloved World, she >>> movingly talks about the difficulty she faced in convincing her family >>> about >>> the importance of pursuing ambitions with which her family was unfamiliar >>> and then achieving them. While her grandmother eventually allowed her to >>> go >>> study at Princeton, she recalls, the former never fully grasped the >>> significance of this opportunity in Sotomayor’s life, viewing it as just >>> one >>> of the many things her granddaughter wanted to do. >>> Around 2 years ago, when someone with whom I was close friends at the time >>> was getting married and I expressed the wish to travel independently for >>> the >>> marriage, I got a series of worried messages from my father. “I wake up at >>> 5 >>> AM every morning,” he wrote in one anxious text, “overcome with anxiety >>> about how you will manage to travel and live alone in a new city.” >>> As is always my preferred approach, I tried to reason with him, to point >>> out >>> the concrete solutions to every problem I might face during the journey. >>> My >>> parents’ resistance, however, though doubtless based on unconditional love >>> and concern, was, beyond a point, irrational. It was rooted in the simple >>> thought: for someone who is blind, even one mistake might be one too many, >>> forever negatively colouring the rest of your life. And irrational >>> resistance can rarely be overcome through rational argument. >>> However, we argued, cried, fought and argued some more. And slowly but >>> surely, the wheels began turning. I did travel for that wedding alone. I >>> did >>> go alone to give talks and the like. >>> Still, living alone in a new country seemed like a bridge too far. To be >>> sure, my concern with a parent living with me in Oxford was not the >>> visceral >>> reaction you might expect from some people my age, I would like to think. >>> (When I told one American acquaintance that we were contemplating the >>> possibility of my mother living with me, she immediately replied “Yikes, >>> that would have been so suffocating!” >>> No, I fully realized that this arrangement would, as a practical matter, >>> make things easier. I would not have to worry about cooking my food, doing >>> the laundry, keeping everything in an orderly fashion and so on. However, >>> what outstripped all of these perceived advantages was a recognition of >>> the >>> fact that sometimes, doing what is hard and uncomfortable and seemingly >>> insurmountable is the right thing to do. >>> And so, after much back and forth, it was decided that my mother would >>> llive >>> with me for six weeks and then I would be on my own. Now, when I reflect >>> on >>> the last year, I think it would be fair to say that I have certainly made >>> progress. I can do all the things I was worried about on my own, though >>> perhaps not as skillfully as I might like yet. >>> However, I still receive significant support from the Rhodes Trust for my >>> nonacademic needs. In the coming year, my aim will be to make this human >>> support unnecessary to the extent I can. Because I don’t see this period >>> as >>> just being about growing academically, attending interesting talks, >>> writing >>> challenging essays and meeting celebrities. It is also a period of pushing >>> personal boundaries and finding new paths for self growth. >>> Recently, when I got selected to pursue a summer fellowship in London, our >>> same old conversation recommenced in my house. Making these arrangements >>> is >>> just a matter of a few years, my father said. Thereafter, you will get >>> married and always have the support you need. >>> Never having dated someone in my life, in part because of the >>> circumscribed >>> life I have lived owing to the self-imposed limitations I have often >>> placed >>> on myself, I vehemently resisted this idea. However, I did so in terms >>> that >>> would turn the very same argument on its head. Which girl, I asked him, >>> would like to marry a partner who does not even possess the wherewithal to >>> live alone in a city like London. >>> While I do not think finding a partner should be what motivates a person >>> to >>> strive for greater independence, this response did achieve its desired >>> goal >>> of making him recognize the sheer absurdity of that argument which is all >>> I >>> was hoping to achieve. What was until then an argument for dependence then >>> became an argument for greater independence. “You have truly become a >>> lawyer,” he sighed. >>> >>> >>> -----Original Message----- >>> From: AccessIndia <accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in> On Behalf Of >>> Asudani, Rajesh >>> Sent: Wednesday, July 31, 2019 2:21 PM >>> To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning >>> the disabled. <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> >>> Subject: Re: [AI] Living independently in a faraway land >>> >>> Please somebody post the contents of the piece as in office I am unable to >>> open the said site and read. >>> >>> >>> सादर / With thanks & Regards >>> राजेश आसुदानी Rajesh Asudani >>> सहायक महाप्रबन्धक AGM >>> बाजार आसूचना ईकाई MIU >>> भारतीय रिजर्व बैंक Reserve Bank of India नागपुर Nagpur >>> >>> 0712 2806846 >>> >>> President >>> VIBEWA >>> Co-Moderator >>> VIB-India >>> President >>> DARE-Disability Advocacy, Research and Education A-pilll = Action coupled >>> with Positivity, Interest, Love, Logic and laughter >>> >>> -----Original Message----- >>> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On >>> Behalf >>> Of Shruti Pushkarna >>> Sent: 30 July 2019 14:48 >>> To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning >>> the disabled.; rahul.bajaj10...@gmail.com >>> Subject: Re: [AI] Living independently in a faraway land >>> >>> Nice read, Rahul! >>> >>> Shruti >>> >>> On Tue, 30 Jul 2019 at 13:49, Rahul Bajaj <rahul.bajaj10...@gmail.com> >>> wrote: >>> >>>> Not my finest piece of writing, but might nonetheless be of some >>>> interest: >>>> https://isitjustmeorgroup.wordpress.noclick_com/2019/07/26/living-inde >>>> pendently-in-a-faraway-land/ >>>> >>>> Sent from my iPhone >>>> >>>> >>>> Search for old postings at: >>>> http://www.mail-archive.noclick_com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>>> >>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>> >>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>> please visit the list home page at >>>> http://accessindia.org.noclick_in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessi >>>> ndia.org.in >>>> >>>> >>>> Disclaimer: >>>> 1. 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AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails >>> sent through this mailing list.. >>> >>> >> >> >> -- >> Ajay Minocha >> Mob : +91-9584076767 >> E mail : ajayminoc...@gmail.com >> p13aj...@iimidr.ac.in >> Skype: ajayminocha2 >> >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Disclaimer: >> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the >> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; >> >> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails >> sent through this mailing list.. >> >> > > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. > Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ To unsubscribe send a message to accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in with the subject unsubscribe. 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