I am also going to face same problem, I also have such appearance that nobody can judge my blindness! I am partially blind. Few of families are interested for having a marriage tie with me, but recently one of my mother's friend has become too close to my mother and I was told by mother that her her friend wants to engage me with her daughter who is M.A student in Aligarh Muslim University. Friends I showed my reluctance in this matter with out stating the reason, but my mother took it otherwise, she thought that I am already committed to any girl! But the reallity is that I do not want to make realise my mother that her son is not capable to perform matrimonial home's formalities in future like a normal person as I am gradually losing my sight. Friends what is our opinion, how should I divert the matter?
On 12/10/11, B. R. Nautial <brnaut...@gmail.com> wrote: > oh! this is the part of life, no need to disappoint. Since beginning, the > ladies are struggling for their rights and equality not only in India but > also in all the developed nations too and it can't be change in one night. > This is equally true that the situation is more critical for the blind > women. > With Regards > B. R. Nautial > - Original Message ----- > From: "Sushmeetha" <sushmee...@voicevision.in> > To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> > Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 7:41 PM > Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage > > >> Its easy for a guy to disclose & still get a wife, but its not possible >> for >> a lady to get a husband. >> >> As whatever we have achieved or however modernised we are, a man still >> looks >> his wife to be a good house wife only. >> >> Still my personal view is to disclose in the beginning & get rejected, >> than >> disclosing later and getting divorced. >> >> Regards >> Sushmeetha >> -----Original Message----- >> From: accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in >> [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf Of Shadab Husain >> Sent: 10 December 2011 16:03 >> To: accessindia; unitee-education-c...@googlegroups.com >> Subject: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >> >> Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >> There was a time when my mother and sister were searching a bride for >> me. I had insisted to have my visual 'disability' (as others call it) >> be totally disclosed. People initially showed interest and willingness >> in my proposal, but the moment my Retinitis Pigmentosa-caused >> blindness was disclosed, either they did not carry the issue further >> or politely tendered their refusals. >> >> My parents and sister used to feel sorry for this, and they found it >> difficult to tell me that I again am being refused for the fear that I >> will get disheartened. But I had not committed a guilty or shameful >> act due to which I was facing rejections, so I saw no reason to get >> disheartened. Indeed, the fact that people were interested in me until >> my blindness was disclosed was a positive point for me. I have not >> caused my blindness; it is caused due to reasons beyond my control, >> then why to feel sorry over it? Yet, I must confess that sometimes I >> used to feel dejected, but there was light at the end of the tunnel. >> >> We had a very old friendship with a family. They used to frequent us >> often, and once all of a sudden my mother kept my marriage proposal to >> them. They gladly agreed, the mother of my supposed wife merrily >> telling us "What is the use of asking? My daughter is yours, we know >> your son, he is our child, everything is settled." >> >> Both the families came in the mood to have a great celebration. >> Marriage celebrations or their preparations seem to be so divine that >> we feel as if everyone, even our bloodthirsty enemies, are loving and >> blessing us in their hearts. The noteworthy thing was that we had >> visited each other so much that it was clear that they know about my >> blindness. Moreover, my sister too has RP, and they had helped her >> often. Yet my sight problem was impressed upon them. But they just did >> not listen to us and even told my sister not to talk about that issue >> again as if it was hurting them. >> >> Marriage is a big thing. Everything was clear but I felt some >> uneasiness and requested to talk with the girl because I did not want >> to take chances. >> >> We went to meet them. It turned out that they were not taking my sight >> problem seriously because they were thinking that I have enough sight >> to do my work on my own. For instance, they knew that I work on >> computers and move around the city and out of the city independently >> (at the time these talks were taking place I was out of station). But >> the astonishing thing was that they could not realise that in the >> course of time I have become blind. >> >> I told her mother point-blank: "I can only see light. I am looking >> towards your face because of your voice. I use screen reading >> technology to work on computers. And I use a cane when I walk alone. I >> cannot see." >> >> She gave a pause. That pause clearly expressed that she was broken. >> (Later, I came to know from my mother that her hands were shaking at >> that time.) Then I talked with the girl who had already known about >> the new condition I was in. She sounded perplexed and disinclined. >> >> Their reaction, though, was normal. Anyone would have reacted in a >> similar manner after knowing about my blindness. My marriage date was >> to be fixed, but now they needed time and told us that they were >> unaware that I had lost my sight. I thought that the game was over. >> >> But I was wrong. >> >> Days passed. One good evening, the mother of the >> girl-who-could-be-my-wife came to our home and started showering >> praises on me. She talked to me in a tearfully sympathetic tone, >> though I had not needed it. Apologising from her expressions and tone, >> she told us that her daughter was not willing to marry me. I was >> thankful because if this condition had disclosed after marriage, I >> would have been in great trouble. >> >> At my home, I gave a small party to my friends, and called it 'In the >> name of my cancelled marriage'! It was meant to truly celebrate life; >> it was not one of those Bollywood parties in which bottles are >> uncorked, there is false enjoyment all around, and the main character >> ineptly tries to forget his grief in the make-believe. Thankfully, we >> really enjoyed our party, and since my room is quite separated, we >> made a lot of noise until the early hours of the morning. >> >> Days passed. Wham! The mother of the girl-who-could-be-my-wife told >> us that her daughter wants to marry me! She was deeply moved by that >> honesty stuff. Earlier too, that delicate creature had cried and >> prayed for me a lot, on hearing that I have become blind. Her family >> members, too, had prayed and cried, and now the girl was willing to >> marry me. It was a U-turn! >> >> Can you even guess what happened after that? Celebrations, excitement, >> religious and cultural rituals... no, nothing of the sort. >> >> I was not very impressed with prayers and tears. (Though I always beg >> for God's mercy and crave for prayers of His creations.) I had earlier >> told my sister that they have the right to reject me, but acceptance >> after rejection will not affect me. >> >> I remained a bachelor. >> >> I started to train myself to lead an unmarried life. I found many >> people (including two blind men) who were very sufficiently leading a >> lonesome life and asked myself: "If they can do it, why cannot I?" >> >> Living alone is difficult, but not impossible. Loneliness humbles you, >> brings forth your good qualities and teaches you how to be happy in >> need. It is a lovely teacher which urges you to be independent of all >> except God. >> >> I was not pessimistic to adopt such an approach; I only tried to be >> practical. Had I been pessimistic, I would have told my family members >> not to search a bride for me because "I want to live alone." Besides, >> I have a small rule of life, which is to try to be happy in an >> unnatural or adverse situation, but never to willingly prolong or >> embrace it. True, bearing pain patiently brings forth our good >> qualities, but this does not mean that we don't take steps to >> eliminate it. >> >> I lived and enjoyed the present without caring about the future. I >> pursued my hobbies (reading, writing and travelling) and tried not to >> miss a chance to improve myself. >> >> Days passed. The final shot readers! One fine evening I was introduced >> to a girl by my mother and sister to whom I told each and everything >> about my sight. It is close to midnight now, and guess what....that >> girl is with me because thankfully she is my wife! >> >> ----- >> Shadab Husain works as a receptionist at Chhatrapati Shahuji Maharaj >> Medical University, Lucknow. He has an MA in English literature, and >> has pursued a diploma in computer applications as well as a >> personality development course. He also writes a blog on personality >> development and improving English. To visit his blog, click >> PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com. >> >> http://retinaindia.blogspot.com/2011/11/of-disclosing-disability-before.html >> >> -- >> Develop your personality and English at >> http://PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com/ >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> >> >> -------------------------------------- >> Ascent Networks Pvt Ltd, Mumbai, India >> >> >> >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> > > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > -- M.Phil scholar at JNU Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ To unsubscribe send a message to accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in with the subject unsubscribe. 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