In most of the cases cheated? Have you conducted any empirical study? Please share the sample size and the results?
-----Original Message----- From: accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf Of BHAWANI SHANKAR VERMA Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2011 7:41 AM To: accessindia@accessindia.org.in Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage in most of the cases a blind partner have been cheated by their sighted partners. whether is male or female. ----- Original Message ----- From: "Rohiet A. Patil" <patil_ro...@dataone.in> To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 11:03 PM Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage I think what you say regarding mobility and eye contact, is equally true in the contest of VI women also. Don't you think so? ----- Original Message ----- From: "ekinath ekinath" <ekin...@gmail.com> To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> Cc: "B. R. Nautial" <brnaut...@gmail.com> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 10:55 PM Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage I am struck! Let me start with congratulating Shadab, lucky indeed both the spouses. Can't believe in a co-incidence of this topic just propping up like that. Just before opening my mail I was going through these thoughts. Well, I had couple of playful and couple of serous relations, but guys its time I think that I hang my heart to hooks. I am convinced that however of a hero you are. If u r blind and marrying a sighted girl, you wont be able to give her normal yes normal life. I think, normal mobility and eye contacts really matter and unfortunately we are helpless here. No technology, no training can compensate. Well, I assume that probably, life for VI woman would be better in relationships as girls don't pick up their partners, and again normally the lead is usually a male in terms of driving, outing etc. I painfully imagine fathering an active kid which whom I can't run, play or even show him the way. Therefore, think best thing is to seek pleasure in others happiness by doing little good that u can. But you got to go on, so i am. Hopes of substituting love with love from my friends, family and kith kins. Note: My thoughts are just my personal views involving emotions. Apologise if I have invoked negative feelings in someone. On 12/10/11, Anirban Mukherjee <sparsha.anir...@gmail.com> wrote: > Dear Shadab bhai, > > you have raised an issue which is a thing of my present life. i got a > job at the age of 21 years and it was a farely good job and of a > farely good salary in spite of my visual disability. i am visually > disabled from my birth, in my college days, i met a girl who was > junior to me by 1 year. she was interested in me but could not totally > go for the relationship due to uncertainty of our future. but 3 months > after my getting the job, she herself proposed me. we were deeply > engaged. many a night i spent with her by talking over phone. it's me > who inspired her to aspire for a job. she got one 2 years later. but > when talks of her marriage began in her family, she disclosed our > affair. but as soon as she was opposed emotionally and in all other > ways, she started fumbling and a month after the disclosure, she > called it quits with me. the reason she sighted was my visual > disability. (my fingers stumbling as i type) > > she left me emotionally bancrupt. now, a few months later my parents > are searching a bride for me but i've been refused from all quarters > as soon as my disability was intimated, in spite of that i believe the > disability should be clearly disclosed. anyway, now the attitude of my > parents is to settle for whosoever agrees to accept me disregarding > all or most of my aspirations. > > but still i sincerely believe that there is always a light at the end > of the tunnel. hope the light of my life would emerge from one such > end of the tunnel. otherwise, the quest for freedom and light would > continue in all possible ways. hope you will have a splendid married > life. > > sorry for a longish mail. > > with warm regards, Anirban Mukherjee, mobile: 09433305139 > > On 12/10/11, B. R. Nautial <brnaut...@gmail.com> wrote: >> oh! this is the part of life, no need to disappoint. Since beginning, the >> ladies are struggling for their rights and equality not only in India but >> also in all the developed nations too and it can't be change in one >> night. >> This is equally true that the situation is more critical for the blind >> women. >> With Regards >> B. R. Nautial >> - Original Message ----- >> From: "Sushmeetha" <sushmee...@voicevision.in> >> To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> >> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 7:41 PM >> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >> >> >>> Its easy for a guy to disclose & still get a wife, but its not possible >>> for >>> a lady to get a husband. >>> >>> As whatever we have achieved or however modernised we are, a man still >>> looks >>> his wife to be a good house wife only. >>> >>> Still my personal view is to disclose in the beginning & get rejected, >>> than >>> disclosing later and getting divorced. >>> >>> Regards >>> Sushmeetha >>> -----Original Message----- >>> From: accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in >>> [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf Of Shadab >>> Husain >>> Sent: 10 December 2011 16:03 >>> To: accessindia; unitee-education-c...@googlegroups.com >>> Subject: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>> >>> Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>> There was a time when my mother and sister were searching a bride for >>> me. I had insisted to have my visual 'disability' (as others call it) >>> be totally disclosed. People initially showed interest and willingness >>> in my proposal, but the moment my Retinitis Pigmentosa-caused >>> blindness was disclosed, either they did not carry the issue further >>> or politely tendered their refusals. >>> >>> My parents and sister used to feel sorry for this, and they found it >>> difficult to tell me that I again am being refused for the fear that I >>> will get disheartened. But I had not committed a guilty or shameful >>> act due to which I was facing rejections, so I saw no reason to get >>> disheartened. Indeed, the fact that people were interested in me until >>> my blindness was disclosed was a positive point for me. I have not >>> caused my blindness; it is caused due to reasons beyond my control, >>> then why to feel sorry over it? Yet, I must confess that sometimes I >>> used to feel dejected, but there was light at the end of the tunnel. >>> >>> We had a very old friendship with a family. They used to frequent us >>> often, and once all of a sudden my mother kept my marriage proposal to >>> them. They gladly agreed, the mother of my supposed wife merrily >>> telling us "What is the use of asking? My daughter is yours, we know >>> your son, he is our child, everything is settled." >>> >>> Both the families came in the mood to have a great celebration. >>> Marriage celebrations or their preparations seem to be so divine that >>> we feel as if everyone, even our bloodthirsty enemies, are loving and >>> blessing us in their hearts. The noteworthy thing was that we had >>> visited each other so much that it was clear that they know about my >>> blindness. Moreover, my sister too has RP, and they had helped her >>> often. Yet my sight problem was impressed upon them. But they just did >>> not listen to us and even told my sister not to talk about that issue >>> again as if it was hurting them. >>> >>> Marriage is a big thing. Everything was clear but I felt some >>> uneasiness and requested to talk with the girl because I did not want >>> to take chances. >>> >>> We went to meet them. It turned out that they were not taking my sight >>> problem seriously because they were thinking that I have enough sight >>> to do my work on my own. For instance, they knew that I work on >>> computers and move around the city and out of the city independently >>> (at the time these talks were taking place I was out of station). But >>> the astonishing thing was that they could not realise that in the >>> course of time I have become blind. >>> >>> I told her mother point-blank: "I can only see light. I am looking >>> towards your face because of your voice. I use screen reading >>> technology to work on computers. And I use a cane when I walk alone. I >>> cannot see." >>> >>> She gave a pause. That pause clearly expressed that she was broken. >>> (Later, I came to know from my mother that her hands were shaking at >>> that time.) Then I talked with the girl who had already known about >>> the new condition I was in. She sounded perplexed and disinclined. >>> >>> Their reaction, though, was normal. Anyone would have reacted in a >>> similar manner after knowing about my blindness. My marriage date was >>> to be fixed, but now they needed time and told us that they were >>> unaware that I had lost my sight. I thought that the game was over. >>> >>> But I was wrong. >>> >>> Days passed. One good evening, the mother of the >>> girl-who-could-be-my-wife came to our home and started showering >>> praises on me. She talked to me in a tearfully sympathetic tone, >>> though I had not needed it. Apologising from her expressions and tone, >>> she told us that her daughter was not willing to marry me. I was >>> thankful because if this condition had disclosed after marriage, I >>> would have been in great trouble. >>> >>> At my home, I gave a small party to my friends, and called it 'In the >>> name of my cancelled marriage'! It was meant to truly celebrate life; >>> it was not one of those Bollywood parties in which bottles are >>> uncorked, there is false enjoyment all around, and the main character >>> ineptly tries to forget his grief in the make-believe. Thankfully, we >>> really enjoyed our party, and since my room is quite separated, we >>> made a lot of noise until the early hours of the morning. >>> >>> Days passed. Wham! The mother of the girl-who-could-be-my-wife told >>> us that her daughter wants to marry me! She was deeply moved by that >>> honesty stuff. Earlier too, that delicate creature had cried and >>> prayed for me a lot, on hearing that I have become blind. Her family >>> members, too, had prayed and cried, and now the girl was willing to >>> marry me. It was a U-turn! >>> >>> Can you even guess what happened after that? Celebrations, excitement, >>> religious and cultural rituals... no, nothing of the sort. >>> >>> I was not very impressed with prayers and tears. (Though I always beg >>> for God's mercy and crave for prayers of His creations.) I had earlier >>> told my sister that they have the right to reject me, but acceptance >>> after rejection will not affect me. >>> >>> I remained a bachelor. >>> >>> I started to train myself to lead an unmarried life. I found many >>> people (including two blind men) who were very sufficiently leading a >>> lonesome life and asked myself: "If they can do it, why cannot I?" >>> >>> Living alone is difficult, but not impossible. Loneliness humbles you, >>> brings forth your good qualities and teaches you how to be happy in >>> need. It is a lovely teacher which urges you to be independent of all >>> except God. >>> >>> I was not pessimistic to adopt such an approach; I only tried to be >>> practical. Had I been pessimistic, I would have told my family members >>> not to search a bride for me because "I want to live alone." Besides, >>> I have a small rule of life, which is to try to be happy in an >>> unnatural or adverse situation, but never to willingly prolong or >>> embrace it. True, bearing pain patiently brings forth our good >>> qualities, but this does not mean that we don't take steps to >>> eliminate it. >>> >>> I lived and enjoyed the present without caring about the future. I >>> pursued my hobbies (reading, writing and travelling) and tried not to >>> miss a chance to improve myself. >>> >>> Days passed. The final shot readers! One fine evening I was introduced >>> to a girl by my mother and sister to whom I told each and everything >>> about my sight. It is close to midnight now, and guess what....that >>> girl is with me because thankfully she is my wife! >>> >>> ----- >>> Shadab Husain works as a receptionist at Chhatrapati Shahuji Maharaj >>> Medical University, Lucknow. He has an MA in English literature, and >>> has pursued a diploma in computer applications as well as a >>> personality development course. He also writes a blog on personality >>> development and improving English. To visit his blog, click >>> PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com. >>> >>> http://retinaindia.blogspot.com/2011/11/of-disclosing-disability-before.html >>> >>> -- >>> Develop your personality and English at >>> http://PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com/ >>> >>> >>> Search for old postings at: >>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>> >>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>> >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>> please >>> visit the list home page at >>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> -------------------------------------- >>> Ascent Networks Pvt Ltd, Mumbai, India >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> Search for old postings at: >>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>> >>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>> >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>> please visit the list home page at >>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >> >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, > please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > -- "The waves breaking on the surface draw all the attention, but it is the current beneath the water that determines your direction." 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