zoher bro, please don't compare the two aspects of child and partner in life. For children we say cause we don't want the kid to entangle the trouble and problem we undergo, then, why to do intentionally? Life partner is different which we can't compare with any. Ignore the disable tag when you look for a partner. It's only your compatibility that matters.. During social gathering, does your partner is comfortable with your presence? Do they feel great of having you ignoring your disability? Are you supportive in their chorse? Can you amend yourself as per their expectation? Are you a person of complete integrity in your married life? Is your love being frank to discuss with you about a new interesting person whom they met? Are you prepared to forgo your partner with that new person, since your partner wish? Even if it happens that your partner has cheated on you, are you ready to accept with same love? Do you stand on his/her side, even if your parents, relations, society neglects? Can you live for your partner and for his/ her family? Is your love unconditional not only for him/her but also for his/her family?
and many more.... maybe a experienced person can come out with a lot. First stand, if you give your truth you'll get back the same. no one has the right to impose a abled or disabled partner with the other without desire. Think then step down to serve your married life, never ever turn back once you've fixed one. On 5/20/15, Zoher <zos...@gmail.com> wrote: > Hi Friends, > > AS many of us are not favor of programmed disabled babies, Here 1 question > comes to my mind, & this topic has discussed and debated on this list. > > > > If we cannot accept predecided disabled child then how can we expect the non > disabled peoples to accept disabled life partners, when they have an ample > choice of non disabled partners. > > It does not mean that I subscribe the view of programmed disabled baby but > looking the issue with a different angle. > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: <r.radh...@gmail.com> > To: "AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues > concerningthe disabled." <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> > Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2015 12:39 AM > Subject: Re: [AI] 'How would we feel if blind women claimed the right to > ablind baby?' > > >> Thank u >> >> Sent from my iPhone >> >>> On 19 மே, 2015, at 11:03 PM, avinash shahi <shahi88avin...@gmail.com> >>> wrote: >>> >>> Radha,I've googled your queries and pasting below an article based on >>> questions and answers on the issue. >>> http://www.sexualityanddisability.org/reproduction/adopting-a-child.aspx >>> 'The law speaks about the "welfare of the child" and the >>> interpretation by the administrators is that the welfare of the child >>> would not be served if there is a disabled person adopting...I know at >>> least two recent cases where one of the disabled parents is visually >>> challenged. They were first discouraged by adoption agencies and then >>> when force and influence was used, relented.' >>> >>> Kanchan Pamnani, Visually Impaired Lawyer and Solicitor, Mumbai >>> >>> Question1 Can any woman adopt a child in India? Will my age (I am 41) >>> or disability be considered negative factors? >>> >>> According to the law External Website that opens in a new window, >>> prospective adoptive parents who have a composite age (your age and >>> your spouse's age added together) of 90 years or less can adopt >>> infants or young children. A single parent who is not older than 45 >>> years is also eligible to adopt infants or young children. In case of >>> older and special needs children, the upper age limit can be relaxed >>> based on the merits of the case. In any case, you need to be an adult, >>> and the age difference between you and your child has to be atleast >>> twenty one years. >>> >>> If your concerns aren't about the law, then there is no 'ideal' age to >>> become a mother. Maybe in your community it is more common to see >>> someone with their first baby in their late twenties, and with a >>> complete family by their mid-thirties. However, it doesn't mean >>> anything that differs from this norm is incorrect. In fact, the norms >>> around marriage and children are themselves changing a lot, and what >>> held true five, ten or fifteen years ago is often no longer the case. >>> Women are getting married when they think it's the right age, and >>> having kids only when they are ready - whether it is giving birth to >>> them or adopting them. >>> >>> Similarly, while there is no legal barrier preventing someone with a >>> disability from adopting, you may still face stigma. Adoption agencies >>> may try to give you a negative mark stating you won't be able to look >>> after the child and his or her welfare, but don't get daunted by this. >>> A disabled woman who is a biological mother takes care of her child, >>> doesn't she? Some may argue that since you are disabled and need >>> assistance yourself, how will you raise a baby? Again, nondisabled >>> mothers often hire help to assist them in looking after their >>> children. >>> >>> Given your disability - and your partner's, if he or she is also >>> disabled - people may also make cruel remarks about how you are >>> ruining the child's life by adding unwanted 'burdens' and >>> 'responsibilities' to his or her life. This is not true! Every mother >>> is different External Website that opens in a new window in ways that >>> impact upon a child - some are intelligent, some are argumentative, >>> some are working professionals with little free time, and others like >>> you, may be impaired. You may not have the unconditional support of >>> family, friends and the larger community in the same way that other >>> couples do. >>> >>> Single women, lesbian women, and other women who are seen as not >>> conforming to the societal ideal of womanhood - including working >>> women - face similar issues. Even when there is an outward show of >>> support, the decision is often questioned. 'Do you really think you >>> can handle this?' 'Are you being fair to the child you will adopt?' >>> 'What will people think if an unmarried woman has a child?' Society >>> often frowns upon single women who choose to bring up children, under >>> the mistaken belief that without a man and a woman, the family unit >>> cannot be complete. In reality, there are many different types of >>> families - joint families, single parents, gay parents - and the >>> happiness of a child does not depend on the family structure alone. >>> >>> By choosing to adopt a child, you are giving him or her a loving and >>> caring mother and family - you as a mother are more than your >>> impairment, and no one should make you feel otherwise. Many women with >>> disabilities have successfully adopted and raised children, and so can >>> you. >>> >>> Question2 My disability is genetic. Should I adopt a baby to avoid >>> giving birth to a disabled child? >>> >>> You can adopt a non-disabled child if you want to, but here's a few >>> things to consider. Even if you have a genetic disability, it is not >>> necessary that your impairment will be passed on External Website that >>> opens in a new window to your baby. Genetic disabilities do skip >>> generations. For example, if you and your husband are visually >>> impaired, your children may still be sighted. It's a popular myth that >>> 'disability breeds disability', but that's often not the case. >>> >>> Also consider that your adopted child may have her own set of genetic >>> issues, which may or may not manifest in her lifetime. Or your adopted >>> child may acquire an impairment later on in life. So if you want to >>> adopt to ensure you will have a non-disabled child, there is no >>> guarantee of that. And remember, you have lived your life up to this >>> point with an impairment - who or what's to say that your child won't >>> manage fine too? >>> (Source: 'Eugenics' on Wikipedia External Website that opens in a new >>> window) >>> >>> Question3 Can I adopt a child with a disability? If yes, then what >>> should I think about before taking the decision? >>> >>> Here's a few things to consider when adopting a disabled child. There >>> are varied impairments External Website that opens in a new window and >>> each has its own challenges. So it is important to think carefully >>> about the type of child you can best parent, and to be honest with >>> yourself in making this decision. For example, you may be comfortable >>> with a physically impaired child, but be unsure about adopting a child >>> with a mental disability. If you are considering adopting a child who >>> will have special needs, it is vital to get as much information on the >>> nature and limitations of the impairment. Spending time with parents >>> who have children with similar impairments can immensely help. Try to >>> realistically assess what you can handle - emotionally, physically, >>> financially and in every other way. >>> >>> If you are considering adopting a disabled child, please don't do so >>> out of charity or pity - a child with an impairment is equally capable >>> of navigating life and adding joy to your life as any other child, >>> given a loving and supportive environment. >>> >>> And got to know few tips,One of the member here Ka >>>> On 5/19/15, Radha <r.radh...@gmail.com> wrote: >>>> Avinash byeia, >>>> or anyone else, can please shed information on, if a blind married >>>> couple/ single can adopt a disable child from NGO/ state owned >>>> organisation? Do we have such privilege? I'm unaware of the real >>>> fact/ law pertaining to it. When I aspire to adopt a child when I >>>> was without disability, I was denied on the grounds that I was at my >>>> early 20's( exactly my age was 21 during ) and single. >>>> It may sound silly for asking such question, but I feel that it is >>>> the right platform to go with.... >>>> 1. Can a single disable woman can adopt any disable child? >>>> 2. Can a married blind(total) couple can adopt any child with or >>>> without disability? >>>> In both cases, adoption should be made from any orphanage and not from >>>> blood or any other relatives' kid. >>>> >>>> One more thing, if abled peers think that it is tough to take care of >>>> a child, there are many old age houses too, Can we adopt any? >>>> >>>> Do we have supporting law for us? >>>> >>>> In either cases, it should not be like receiving benefit from them. I >>>> meant to say, we should not be pointed that we adopt them for >>>> receiving benefit from their side at any stage. >>>> " you adopt me, since you want your daily chores to be fulfilled >>>> with my help" >>>> >>>> aforesaid, line will be applicable for any relationship when we have >>>> our love for them and in return, hear these words... >>>> Many are blessed with understanding / mutual love and cared >>>> relationship .... we really urge for it. >>>> Please enlighten with prevailing law that would support our desire to >>>> adopt . >>>> >>>>> On 5/19/15, avinash shahi <shahi88avin...@gmail.com> wrote: >>>>> Though very few members have so far aired their views I could infer >>>>> those who are not blind by birth have very different standpoints from >>>>> those who are blind by birth on the issue. Experiential and >>>>> circumstantial accounts are more powerful than anything else. What I >>>>> think of the article is that these lesbians didn't adopd an already >>>>> born deaf child/children but they managed to get through surrogacy. >>>>> that decision to impose one's own decision on unborn child is >>>>> debatable and problematic. Author further rightly goes on to discuss >>>>> the value of free-will choice which we all yearn for. >>>>> >>>>> Further this article stimulated me to think about those who are blind, >>>>> abandoned just their post-birth and languishing in uncaring >>>>> institutions. There must be thousands of abandoned blind children >>>>> craving for love and care in state-owned or NGO-runned shelter hhomes. >>>>> Ideally, privileged and settled blind people should give a thought of >>>>> adopting those who have no one to fall upon. But these days very few >>>>> people carry such jestures. Perhaps they are so pained and troubled by >>>>> their disability that such thought doesn't germinate in their minds. >>>>> Hopefully, with growing prosperity and increased social standing, some >>>>> of us will adopt abandoned disabled kids and raise them with the best >>>>> resources we will have. >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>>> On 5/18/15, avinash shahi <shahi88avin...@gmail.com> wrote: >>>>>> In the long argument over designer babies, did anyone imagine that >>>>>> parents might prefer a designer disability? While we were all worrying >>>>>> about the bionic offspring of the super-rich, two deaf lesbians in >>>>>> America were going round sperm banks, trying to make a deaf baby. >>>>>> http://www.theguardian.com/world/2002/apr/09/gender.uk1 >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> It sounds like the start of a bad joke, except that they have now >>>>>> managed it twice, thanks to a friend with five generations of deafness >>>>>> in his family. They claim that they are especially well equipped to >>>>>> look after a deaf child, which I am sure is true, and had they adopted >>>>>> one such child, or 20, we would all be praising their goodness. >>>>>> >>>>>> The difference, of course, is that no child should be forced inside >>>>>> its parents' psychosis - whether they be from a hardline religious >>>>>> sect or Deaf Lesbians. The truth is that all of us have to contend >>>>>> with our parents, for good or ill, but at least we can't be committed >>>>>> at birth to spending the rest of our lives as circus performers or >>>>>> bank clerks, or missionaries. We have free will, and the great thing >>>>>> about growing up is personal choice. >>>>>> >>>>>> What choice is there if your parents have already decided that you are >>>>>> going to be deaf, and that deafness will be your defining identity, >>>>>> just as it has been theirs? This is not the beauty of compatibility, >>>>>> it is genetic imperialism. >>>>>> >>>>>> Deaf people, they say, have heightened senses, and a relationship to >>>>>> the world not shared by the hearing population. Fine, I have no >>>>>> trouble with that. But identity is going to be a big issue for the >>>>>> kids of the Deaf Lesbians, because both women belong to a radical >>>>>> group that defines deafness like blackness - not as a disability but >>>>>> as cultural difference. >>>>>> >>>>>> My closest friend is black. She married a white man and their eldest >>>>>> child looks like an English rose - pale skin, blond hair, blue eyes. >>>>>> Nature does this kind of thing, and it is a celebration of difference >>>>>> and sameness all mixed up together. Nobody knows what kind of baby any >>>>>> two people will produce - and surely this is a blessing, not a bore? >>>>>> Must we control everything? If the answer is yes, we are paranoid. If >>>>>> either of the Deaf Lesbians in the US had been in a relationship with >>>>>> a man, deaf or hearing, and if they had decided to have a baby, there >>>>>> is absolutely no certainty that the baby would have been deaf. You >>>>>> take a chance with love; you take a chance with nature, but it is >>>>>> those chances and the unexpected possibilities they bring, that give >>>>>> life its beauty. >>>>>> >>>>>> I am always on the side of risk, and always suspicious of control. The >>>>>> more controls we have, the less free we become. Parents usually try to >>>>>> control their children, and later their children hate them for it, >>>>>> while busily repeating the damage themselves. >>>>>> >>>>>> How would either of the lesbians have felt if their own parents had >>>>>> said that heterosexuality was such a beautiful thing that they had to >>>>>> screen out any potential gay gene in their children, just to make sure >>>>>> they had a good life? >>>>>> >>>>>> How would any of us feel if the women had both been blind and claimed >>>>>> the right to a blind baby? Even if we transform the language of >>>>>> disability into a dialectic of alternative functioning, should the >>>>>> medical system support parents who want their child to suffer a >>>>>> serious handicap? >>>>>> >>>>>> We can make our world as friendly as possible for people with >>>>>> different physical capacities, but we cannot change the simple fact >>>>>> that it is better to have five senses than four, however enhanced the >>>>>> loss of one allows the others to be. >>>>>> >>>>>> I believe that hearing, like sight, is a blessing, and if we are >>>>>> prepared to use technology to breed children we have deliberately >>>>>> disabled, it is not only the language of disability that will have to >>>>>> be radically reworked, but our entire moral perspective. >>>>>> >>>>>> What this case suggests is that we can do what we like to our >>>>>> children, even if the consequences of our actions are irreversible. >>>>>> >>>>>> As lesbians, the two women should know something about choice and >>>>>> personal freedom. They both practise as mental health specialists, so >>>>>> I hope they have a colleague who will be able to talk it through with >>>>>> two kids who turn up in 20 years, explaining that their mothers >>>>>> decided that they had to be deaf. >>>>>> >>>>>> -- >>>>>> Avinash Shahi >>>>>> Doctoral student at Centre for Law and Governance JNU >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> -- >>>>> Avinash Shahi >>>>> Doctoral student at Centre for Law and Governance JNU >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility >>>>> of >>>>> mobile phones / Tabs on: >>>>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Search for old postings at: >>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>>>> >>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>>> >>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>>> please >>>>> visit the list home page at >>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Disclaimer: >>>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking >>>>> of >>>>> the >>>>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >>>>> veracity; >>>>> >>>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >>>>> mails >>>>> sent through this mailing list.. >>>> >>>> >>>> -- >>>> Cheers, >>>> Radha >>>> "Everything you want in your life is waiting for you an inch outside >>>> your comfort zone, and an inch inside your effort." >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility >>>> of >>>> mobile phones / Tabs on: >>>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>> >>>> >>>> Search for old postings at: >>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>>> >>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>> >>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>> please >>>> visit the list home page at >>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>> >>>> >>>> Disclaimer: >>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >>>> >>>> the >>>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; >>>> >>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >>>> mails >>>> sent through this mailing list.. >>> >>> >>> -- >>> Avinash Shahi >>> Doctoral student at Centre for Law and Governance JNU >>> >>> >>> >>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility >>> of mobile phones / Tabs on: >>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >>> Search for old postings at: >>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>> >>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>> >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>> please visit the list home page at >>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >>> Disclaimer: >>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >>> the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >>> veracity; >>> >>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >>> mails sent through this mailing list.. >> >> >> >> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of >> >> mobile phones / Tabs on: >> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Disclaimer: >> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >> the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >> veracity; >> >> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails >> >> sent through this mailing list.. >> > > > > > Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of > mobile phones / Tabs on: > http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. > -- Cheers, Radha "Everything you want in your life is waiting for you an inch outside your comfort zone, and an inch inside your effort." Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of mobile phones / Tabs on: http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ To unsubscribe send a message to accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in Disclaimer: 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent through this mailing list..
