Re: Some thoughts
Personally, I don't think your reputation is terrible, and I don't consider you to be as bad as you obviously see your self, but I get where your coming from.
Also, remember that this is just 1 community of many, both offline and online, so banking your reputation on it is probably going to end in sadness more than happiness, since allot of people here can be pretty immature, either because they are young, self entitled, or just that way.
I know from first hand experience how depressed you were just a few months ago even, and I already forgave you for what happened with me on the UP Betatesting team, and also accept that part of it was also my fault, for hounding you so much when you were obviously unable to cope with it at the time.
You aren't the only developer that leaves a scattering of unfinished projects in their wake, it's just part of the creative process, but if I had any advice to give, it would be to always try and be honest to
your self about how you truly feel, to accept it, and to work around it instead of banging your head against the wall trying to change it all the time.
Also try to remember the human connection, your customers are people, your betatesters are people, your co-developers are people, and they all have their flaws, but also their strengths, so you can't just ditch them, pick them up again, hate on them and then expect them to accept you, it will take a while for them to trust you again, but the respect was never truly lost for all but the most judgmental of them anyway.
I too struggled with quite severe depression for a good year or more, and still do today, though in a more moderate way, so I understand how you feel and have felt in the past.
But there is always hope, no matter how faint, and only you can distort it, it never leaves you, or at least that's how I see it...
It sucks to be an intelligent and visionary type of person sometimes, because
you depend on the admiration, respect, and acceptance of the people around you so very much, and when you attain it, your on top of the world, but when you feel you've lost it, you can't seem to find the motivation to try again.
You just have to take small steps, measure it out, and not reach for the sky all at once, so that eventually you'll look back and wonder at how you got up there in the first place!
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