I am a man who is not loved by love.
I read out all the articles in a webpage, I also do a Google for a long time, some time I readout the things what others say.
But also I am not able to write a single sentences of my own. What’s this? Yeah it’s a huge problem many people encountered these, themselves.
Somewhere I find myself. Being very lonely, at that time I just try to write something that is above my head, which boarder me all the time.
I feel very stupid, I can’t judge myself, what I am being all the moment and why I am forgetting all the responsibility? This question again feel ashamed for me. Oh god! If you are there listening to me then why you can’t help me? I think some time, god left us in the world and they went somewhere. Where? I don’t know in fact.
Hahaha, huge laugh come out from my mouth. Such A mischievous thought.
I am missing and remembering you in these days, you blocked me on a Facebook. When world was enjoying the 2018 FIFA world cup at that very time you just separate me from your life, sorry for my broken English. I am not so much intelligent then you but also today I am writing some of my heck moments of my life.
So, so! What to say next? I wanted to be in a relationship with you cause I loved you from grade 10 to mid of the grade 12. I am blind by birth, I was loving you blindly, nothing is here to hide from my side I was willing to get you but time just slapped on my face. It said, “you are blind and you can’t love the sighted people.” You are too pretty girl. Now also I can forcefully remember your Voice, that is charming. Yeah I can’t see you but I can say you are the most beautiful girl by just listening to your voice. When you became somehow near and close to me, I put you inside my heart. I can examine your behavior towards me as I realized now A days you were just giving me the small space of friend, just A friend.
And one thing let me remember, yes, that was the time of grade 10 all my friends were busy on study. They were extreme serious by just looking to the upcoming board examination, now also we say SEE examination. I was very careless. I don’t wanna study, I always blame upon the education system of Nepal. Nothing will happen by just studying the course content. I think myself as all-rounders person let’s say like an extra ordinary boy.
From the very child age I am introvert type of person, who always wanted to be in a silent environment not very talkative and being alone, enjoying own company.
as I mention earlier examination was knocking at the door. That was the time of winter, our school had arranged extra classes for all the students of grade 10. Many students were not good on mathematics and science.
I was also attending the morning classes, but know study, know serious. at that time I passed my all the time just writing poems for you. All the poems were only for you all dedication for you. But I never gave any poem to you, I never confess my love towards you cause I was afraid from my inside.
Eventually the time passed by its own way, we all completed our examination and result published out. Fortunately, I got a good mark of 3.50 GPA. After that period we all friends also separated. Someone went some colleges for the study of high school.
Now I am almost at the end of my writing. When I was in grade 11 you were not in my contact in the Facebook. And one more thing to say, we both are not in the same college. When I reached in grade 12 suddenly you came to my contact, you did message in my Facebook inbox, I became extremely happy and again I became hopeful and optimistic. We keep on chatting and talking in online, sometime I readout my poem and share with you. You were very interested to listen to my poems of course you liked my poetry.
I thought, I have to confess my feelings towards you. My mind was telling “this is the right time to express yourself.” I was giving some clue of my love from my poetries but exactly I was not confidence to confess the keyword of the love.
When I gave you the hint of my feelings, I thought you got the exact thing. After some days I found that you blocked me from the Facebook.
I am a man who is not loved by love.
-- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
