Re: I have no passion in life
Wanderer, as you can tell by the number of people who have responded to your comments what you are going through is quite common among the blind population. Even I can admit to having been through what you are experiencing a few times in my life as well. However, I can say if you are willing to motivate yourself, something easier said than done, there is a way to climb out of this situation. Although, it isn't a trivial or easy process. A lot will come down to how badly you want things to change.
First, though, let's start with the motivation and boredom issue. I'm no psychologist myself, but I think what you are experiencing here is some general depression. I've been treated for depression enough times myself over the years to realize the signs of moderate depression recognize it when people start mentioning symptoms. Some of the most common ones are a lack of motivation, easily bored by life, and feelings of uselessness, etc. Sound familiar?
In or der to get out of this funk or depression you are currently in you may have to do some self-analysis of the situation and see what is causing your depression or seek counseling. In any case there can be and are many causes for depression. Some are caused by poor diet, lack of adequate exorcize, lack of sleep, too much sleep, etc. All of those things will cause bio-chemical imbalances which can and do lead to depression in people. If that is the case trying to eat healthier, do a little more physical exorcise each day, and making sure you get on a good sleep schedule might go a long ways to helping you get motivated. However, that isn't the only causes of depression, nor will eating healthy food and getting exorcise solve all of your problems. Thus we address the other causes of depression.
As said before there can be many causes of depression, but for a lot of people, both blind and sighted, they get depressed out of a lack of fulfillment in their life. This is where I th ink you are now. Maybe they didn't make good grades in school, they don't have a lot of friends, maybe they got turned down for the school football team, whatever. The point here is that they are looking for something to make them feel happy, to make them feel right with the world, and whatever it is they think will make them happier be it lots of friends, good grades, or becoming a star player for the school team just isn't happening for them so they tend to become unmotivated, discouraged, and get into the "why bother trying" state of mind.
As this situation is different for everyone you need to be able to quantify what is making you feel unmotivated and depressed. As in write down some questions in Windows Notepad, and then try and answer them honestly such as are you feeling lonely, if you are lonely why, name some things you would change if you could, etc. Basically, take what you are thinking and feeling and commit it to some form you can read an d perhaps use as a springboard to clarifying why you feel the way you will do. Some things may not be fixable such as a surgery to give you sight or make your hearing better, assuming that was something you wanted, but you will find there are plenty of other things you might be able to take direct action upon and make them better for you personally. So my advice to you is write down your thoughts and feelings, keep a journal, and from that you will be able to find out the root causes of this lack of motivation.
Second, I know all too well your difficulties with making friends, and I can honestly say a lot of blind people do. Not all, but a lot find themselves in the same or similar situation making friends. What you and others may fail to realize is that you shouldn't take it personally. Speaking as someone who was once fully sighted and is now totally blind the mindset of a sighted person and a blind person regarding meeting and greeting is completely different.
Wh at I mean by that is that for sighted people there is a completely different level of communication that is unavailable to a blind person. Its basically non-verbal communication and it can be transmitted through the look in someone's eyes, a smile, a simple wave, or the good old thumbs up to a buddy in passing. Not only that but if your school is anything like my high school was most of the students were practically walking billboards with shirts proudly advertising the person's favorite band, favorite TV character, favorite sports team, etc. They may have a backpack or bookbag advertising something else, and there are pens, pencils, and other items they may be carrying or using that advertises their interest in something else. All of this non-verbal communication, of course, passes a blind person by because we simply do not see it and don't even know it is there. Even if we are aware it is there we generally fail to communicate on that level which is where the proble m begins with socializing with our sighted peers.
For any normal fully sighted person in the world they can be dropped off at a new school and on their first day make a good half-dozen friends in about a space of an hour mostly through non-verbal communication. Maybe he steps off the bus and a dude in a football shirt waves at him. He sees the wave walks over , sees the football shirt, and strikes up a conversation about football teams etc. A few minutes later he sees a decent looking girl smiling at him flirtatiously, walks over, and begins flirting with her. At lunch time he buys a sandwich and some chips, walks over to the lunch room area, doesn't see anyone he knows, so scans the faces for someone he might like to sit and have lunch with. He sees a dude in a Captain America shirt, he likes the Captain America movies and comics, so sits down with that dude and starts up a conversation about Captain America Winter Soldier. Do you see how that works?
Most sighted p eople young or old are constantly engaging in non-verbal communication weather through some direct physical action like a wave or a smile to more indirect communication like wearing a shirt with the name of their favorite football team or TV [personalities on it. Since most sighted people are unconsciously expecting some non-verbal communication from you and others they tend to respond to people who engage in non-verbal communication with them personally and filter out or ignore those who don't. That is why we, as blind people, tend to get overlooked. It is not necessarily any malice or outright dislike for us personally, but that we have failed to make the first move. We often sit in the class room, lunch room, stand around in the hallways, whatever expecting sighted people to walk up to us and make the first move and usually they won't because we have not done anything to get their attention that we are interested because we are unable to engage them in non-verbal commun ication. I'm not saying this to discourage you, am not saying this is hopeless, but only to get you to understand why a lot of sighted people may not be approaching you. They ignore you because you are essentially ignoring them by not engaging them in the usual forms of non-verbal communication. Fortunately, there are ways to deal with this problem once you realize what the problem is.
Speaking from personal experience here I wish I had figured this out a lot sooner, but just sitting on your duff waiting for people to walk up to you and say "hi" will not usually lead to long lasting friendships. You are going to have to get proactive, take some initiative, and put forth some personal effort to make those friendships happen because you can not fall back on a smile, a wave, a thumbs up, or body language to transmit information to people in your area that you want to talk to them. In fact, if you are just sitting at your desk, kind of zoned out, off in your o wn dream world, or sitting there writing down something in your expensive notetaker for school your body language will indicate to others that you are busy or that you don't want to be disturbed which might be the absolutely opposite of what you are thinking and feeling at the time. So be conscious of how your body language can and will be interpreted by others who can see you.
More to the point you are going to have to get up and communicate with people by direct communication. I understand your hearing isn't the best and your communication skills need work. However, its a case of the more you do it the better you will get at it. There is nothing wrong with bending over and saying "hello" to the person sitting in the desk next to yours or just walking up to another person in the hallway before school starts and striking up a conversation with them. When it is someone you do not know well you can sometimes get a conversation going by making a comment about the weather like "its really hot out there today" or "this winter is the coldest one in my life" or something along those lines. Most people will respond accordingly and add their two cents to the conversation. From there you can ask about there day, favorite classes, favorite TV shows, whatever. that's how conversation works. If you haven't developed those skills perhaps you need some help in building those communication skills. Communication skills is the only way to overcome the non-verbal communication problem, and you need to be what we call assertive. You need to be able to verbally express what you want, what you need, what you like, what you think, etc and communicate it clearly to others to get them to pay attention to you and take you seriously. Otherwise you are just going to sit around feeling alone and un liked because other people can't read your mind and they have no idea that you want to talk to them etc.
I would like to write more on this topic but I have already spent quite a lot of time on this message, and have other things I need to attend to. However, I truly hope this helps and if you want to talk more on this subject I am here to help in anyway I can. I know it is hard to overcome problems like this, but I have done it, and it is hard. I won't claim it is easy, but what most of it comes down to is pushing yourself to do things you are afraid of doing or stepping out of your emotional safe zone to make things better for yourself. If you can't or are unwilling to take those first baby steps then I don't know what anyone can do for you because a lot of it is in your own hands, and the best we can do is to guide you in which way to go.
URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=171376#p171376
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