Re: Demons
I've considered it, and it would be an interesting discovery if studied, but I'm not sure 100% of the correlation.
I have trouble with some visual processing. For example, I have face blindness, which means I can't remember people's faces, usually I come up with a coping strategy to work around this. Also I'm photosensitive although that may be due to the damage I inflicted on my eye in the past. Overly complex visual stimuli is very uncomfortable. To compensate for a lot of these things, I have to learn through listening and working with my hands - I have tremendous difficulty by learning through watching or just reading; I had a lot of trouble with teachers since most teachers present things mainly visually and sometimes almost completely cut out "working with your hands" completely. I realized that I'm not even really attracted to people sexually based on their appearances, so maybe my brain is wired strangely because of sensory iss ues or something (I thought I was ace for the longest time thanks to that...)
Even as a kid I taught myself how to do most things with just my hands and not to watch myself visually since I just learned better that way but I notice that I have trouble accommodating for if I need to use a visual reference, for example most sighted people don't usually have the "accidentally shift your hand across the keyboard and type gibberish" problem but I do and I know blindies get that shit sometimes too.
A large part of it feels physiological though, as in sometimes I physically feel like it shouldn't be there and that it should be removed or disabled. I'm not sure what that's about. A few weeks ago it had the physical sensation of high pressure and instability. At its worst state it feels like I have to do that to myself or else I get really self harming. That only happens rarely though.
A lot of the feeling is also emotional, it feels lik e an intense pressure to change and achieve a lower level state or something.
One of the techniques I learned pretty young to deal with both the visual processing stuff and this thing is to twitch my eyes upward, so that the visual data is "scrambled"; you can't see properly so it kind of resets the buffer on both accounts.
I still think the contacts are the best bet, but I have no idea how to obtain them; I've thought about buying costume lenses and seeing if I can just blot out the pupils but that might be problematic and I'd rather have a professional just provide opaques.
...Yeah I've spent a lot of time introspecting, lol. I wish I could work with someone else, but I'm just really scared, like, if I could work with someone else I could have more of an unbiased opinion on what's going on and they could help me out. Then again you guys are helping with that so yeah.
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