Re: Demons
I see what you're saying, although I think there's actually two ways my visual problems manifest themselves, and I think this problem is rooted in another issue.
Physically, my vision is normal, currently. My mom has a history of severe nearsightedness but she was able to receive surgery for that. I may develop a sudden drop in my vision for this reason, although considering nothing has happened yet it may not occur at all.
Mentally, my problems either surface in two ways - either a complete disconnect or discomfort.
Discomfort can occur in any sense really, it only requires too much stimuli. I'm sensitive to loud noises, certain textures, and foods, for example. This is what you're describing.
The complete disconnect seems to only happen visually, and manifests itself in forms like face blindness and other conditions that are caused by errors in mentally decoding visual information.
Both of these are likely connected with autism.< /p>
In terms of thought processing, I sometimes think visually (usually in regards to visualizing ideas for art or locations) but most processes occur either through a voice saying them or thinking about them through touch in the form of a machine or system. I've always been this way which is why I need to learn with my hands.
My symptoms related to this condition are quite different than what I experience in terms of overstimulation. It usually happens regardless of stimulation level, although I'm more prone to worse issues when I'm tired, upset or worn out. It doesn't usually have a "trigger" of sorts, although seeing certain things can "trigger" these thoughts. Most of the time it's more like an intense desire, sense of jealousy, feeling like you've been denied something, which eventually transform into feelings of shame and disgust due to the nature of these feelings. These feelings begin to turn into thoughts about doing certain things or imagining myself in situations but blinded. This can have a sort of "feedback loop" which causes the feelings to get more and more intense to the point of extreme anxiety. In most serious situations the feeling may physically manifest itself as interpreting high pressure on the eye - although this is not actually happening. Remedies include eye twitching, closing the eyes, applying pressure to the eyes, going into the dark room, acting out the things being thought up, or, in some rare cases I have also damaged my eye to reduce the feeling. In addition, the feelings of "incorrectness" are very specific and are different in each eye - the left feels more "right" than the right, but it feels like both are problematic. However, sometimes this and overstimulation intersect and I will try to reduce stimulation by using the same strategies I do here. These symptoms do not appear with any other sense or part of my body.
The symptoms als o are cyclical, in that they go up and down in intensity. Earlier this week it was very intense but now it's recovered. This was problematic since I would think that because I wasn't having any thoughts (or they were very subtle) that it wasn't real or I was just freaking out or something... then they come back.
Again, this may be really severe OCD, or an issue with physical identity, I'm not sure yet. It may be possible that the condition is neurological and is derived from my autism, but this also means that there's no real "fix" for it.
_______________________________________________ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
