Jon,

While reviewing this document during AUTH48, please resolve (as necessary) the 
following questions, which are also in the source file.

1) <!-- [rfced] We had the following questions/comments about the
     document title:

a) Please note that the title of the document has been updated as
follows:

Abbreviations have been expanded per Section 3.6 of RFC 7322 ("RFC
Style Guide"). Please review.

Original:
Out-of-Band STIR for Service Providers

Current:
Out-of-Band Secure Telephone Identity Revisited (STIR) for Service
Providers

b) Should "Framework" or something be added after (STIR) (once
expanded, it doesn't seem like a noun anymore...).  See also our
change to the first sentence of the Introduction.

Perhaps:
Out-of-Band Secure Telephone Identity Revisited (STIR) Framework for
Service Providers
-->


2) <!--[rfced] We had a few questions about the following sentence:

Original:
Moreover, any additional information included in a PASSporT which is
not strictly redundant with the contents of a SIP request increases
data collection concerns; while baseline [RFC8225] PASSporTs only
contain information otherwise in the SIP request.

a) Please help us clarify the subject of "which".  Is it "information"
or is it "PASSporT"?

b) Could the "while" be removed?  This seems to be further
information, not contrasting information?

c) Please clarify "only contain information otherwise in the SIP
request". Does this mean only redundant information?


Perhaps:
Moreover, in a PASSporT, any additional information that is not
strictly redundant with the contents of a SIP request increases data
collection concerns; baseline [RFC8225] PASSporTs only contain
information redundant with the SIP request.




-->


3) <!-- [rfced] Please review the "Inclusive Language" portion of the
     online Style Guide
     <https://www.rfc-editor.org/styleguide/part2/#inclusive_language>
     and let us know if any changes are needed.  Updates of this
     nature typically result in more precise language, which is
     helpful for readers.

Note that our script did not flag any words in particular, but this
should still be reviewed as a best practice.

In addition, please consider whether "tradition" should be updated for
clarity.  While the NIST website
<https://web.archive.org/web/20250214092458/https://www.nist.gov/nist-research-library/nist-technical-series-publications-author-instructions#table1>
indicates that this term is potentially biased, it is also ambiguous.
"Tradition" is a subjective term, as it is not the same for everyone.


Original:
..may send SIP INVITEs to a gateway in front of a traditional PSTN...
-->


4) <!-- [rfced] We had the following questions/comments about
     abbreviation use throughout the document:

a) FYI - We have added expansions for abbreviations upon first use per
Section 3.6 of RFC 7322 ("RFC Style Guide"). Please review each
expansion in the document carefully to ensure correctness.

b) FYI - We will update to use the abbreviation only after the first
use for the following abbreviations in accordance with
https://www.rfc-editor.org/styleguide/part2/#exp_abbrev:

OOB-AS
SPC

-->


5) <!--[rfced] Please review the use of citation tags throughout the
     document: some are read as part of the sentence while others are
     not syntactically relevant.

Please see https://www.rfc-editor.org/styleguide/part2/#citation_usage
for further information/guidance.-->


6) <!--[rfced] We see the following similar terminology used throughout
     the document.  Please let us know if/how we may make these
     consistent.

STIR credential vs. STIR certificate vs. STIR [RFC8816] certificate

out-of-band STIR vs. STIR out-of-band vs. STIR out-of-band framework [RFC8816]

-->


Thank you.

Megan Ferguson
RFC Production Center

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--------------------------------------
RFC9888 (draft-ietf-stir-servprovider-oob-08)

Title            : Out-of-Band STIR for Service Providers
Author(s)        : J. Peterson
WG Chair(s)      : Ben Campbell, Robert Sparks, Russ Housley
Area Director(s) : Andy Newton, Orie Steele


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