When your child acts up, often the best way to nip the behavior in the bud is to remove him from the activity at hand and give him some quiet time alone. This technique, known as a time-out, is an effective, nonviolent way to shape behavior. There are some keys to successful time-outs, though:
Understand what a time-out is -- and isn't A time-out isn't a punishment; it's an opportunity to teach your child how to cope with frustration and modify his behavior. While your child is in a time-out, he's on his own, so try to let him sit in solitude for a few moments. Any attention from you, positive or negative, will serve as reinforcement for his behavior. Instead, quiet time alone will allow him to switch gears and calm down. (If you manage to step aside, you can do the same instead of getting caught up in his struggle.) What's great about a time-out is that it can defuse and redirect an escalating situation in an unemotional way. It lets you teach your child without setting a negative example, the way yelling does. Don't implement formal time-outs before your child is ready for them Because toddlers find it hard to sit still, trying to make your little one stay in a certain place for a prescribed length of time may well disintegrate into a chase scene. Here's what happens: Your child runs away from his time-out spot. You catch him, then struggle to make him stay in one place. You threaten, he laughs, delighted with this new game - or cries, frustrated by the requirement. You grab, he bolts. Meanwhile, because he has a short attention span, your toddler forgets why you wanted him to sit still in the first place. Instead of helping your child regain his self-control, you find yourself in a power struggle. For this reason, traditional time-outs won't really work until sometime between your toddler's second and third birthdays. Watch for signs that he understands what's acceptable and what's not. One clue is if he reminds you of the rules when you break them, too. For example, if he catches you doing something you normally wouldn't allow him to do - say, eating a snack on the sofa - he may say, "You're not supposed to do that, Mommy." Until your toddler shows this kind of appreciation of the need to follow rules, hold off on time-outs or he won't understand why he's being punished. And you may get frustrated and abandon the strategy prematurely. Meanwhile, try to distinguish between your toddler's natural inquisitiveness and willful disobedience. Childproof your home to reduce the opportunities for mischief, and use distraction to redirect your child to more suitable activities. When your young toddler is doing something he knows is wrong and just won't stop, you can modify time-outs to work as described below. Start by taking time-outs together Before your child is ready for a solitary time-out, you can introduce the idea by taking what some parenting experts call a "positive" time-out together. When your child gets revved up and borders on losing control, say, "Let's take a time-out to read a book until we feel better." Any quiet activity, such as listening to music, lying down, or putting together a simple puzzle, will work. Taking a time-out with you disrupts the spiral of negative behavior while avoiding the battle of wills that a more formal time-out can incite. It also painlessly introduces your child to the idea of a cooling-off period. Show and tell When your child can follow simple directions and has a slightly longer attention span, he's ready for a more traditional time-out. Between the ages of 2 and 3, you'll probably notice that he's better able to understand cause and effect. But don't spring the tactic on him in a burst of frustration - a time-out works best if it's explained ahead of time. Use simple terms: "When you get too wild or act in a way that Mommy and Daddy don't think is a good idea, I will call, 'Time-out.' That means you will sit in this chair for a little while until you can calm yourself down." Some parents find it useful to act this out or to use a doll or teddy bear to demonstrate taking a time-out. Be flexible on the specifics With a toddler, your goal is simply to introduce the idea of an enforced break in the action. Such an interruption can be upsetting enough to your hard-charging, egocentric 2-year-old; insisting that he sit in a certain place, in a certain way, for a certain length of time may be too much for him. Instead of marching him to a special chair, consider just having him sit still, right where he is. Go easy, too, in determining how long he needs to stay there. (Don't start following the commonly suggested one-minute-per-year rule until your child is at least 3.) Thirty seconds to a minute is generally appropriate for a toddler. The period should be long enough to refocus his attention but not so long that he gets frustrated. One option: Have him sit long enough to say his ABCs once or twice, then redirect him to a different activity. Don't expect miracles As you've no doubt discovered, toddlers are notoriously active, willful, and unpredictable. Testing limits and gauging your reactions - over and over again - is your toddler's way of establishing a secure understanding of his world. Your child may repeatedly toss food off the table to establish that gravity continues to exist, for example. And he may repeat an action just to make sure it's still "not okay," with you, so consistency and patience are very important. No single disciplinary approach, including time-outs, will transform your toddler into an obedient angel. You'll want to experiment with a variety of discipline techniques throughout his toddlerhood to find out what works best for both of you. In fact, if your child is usually obedient, you may be lucky enough never to need a time-out. Requests and redirection may be sufficient ways to teach him. Or you may find that using the positive time-out technique - changing the pace to a quieter activity - works well throughout your youngster's childhood. At every stage, learning what behaviors are normal (or unavoidable) at your child's age will help keep your expectations realistic. Regards, Kristi ===================================== Wanna Be A Stay At Home Parent? http://www.AhiradanInternet.com ======================================
