Article from ParentTime TERRIBLE TODDLER TANTRUM Question My 18-month-old son throws terrible temper tantrums. When he doesn't want to do something, he often throws himself on the floor and kicks his arms and legs. I'm a stay-at-home mom and I'm worried that I've given in to him too often. It's easier to give him what he wants when he's doing this. But now I can barely bring myself to take him out in public because he throws tantrums so often. What can I do? Answer: Most toddlers throw temper tantrums. It’s a typical stage of child development. To understand why your toddler throws a fit, put yourself in his place. A toddler has an intense desire to do and say things, but his mental and motor skills have developed more quickly than his ability to communicate. Because he doesn’t yet have the verbal skills to express his frustration, he does so by throwing tantrums. It's important to know that tantrums often come in two flavors: manipulative tantrums and frustration tantrums. If you feel that your child is using tantrums to blackmail you into doing things his way, give him verbal cues and use body language that says you don’t do tantrums. Make a face, for example. Be aware that toddlers know how to push their parents’ buttons. You send a clear message when you ignore his fits or walk away. This teaches him that tantrums are not acceptable. This is part of toddler discipline. Frustration tantrums, on the other hand, require empathy. Take these emotional outbursts as an opportunity to bond with your child. Offer a helping hand, a comforting "it’s okay." Help him out when he feels frustrated about being unable to accomplish a task. This way you establish your authority as you build your child's trust. Direct his efforts toward a more manageable part of a task. For example, if he throws one of the common "I’ll do it myself" fits about putting on his sock, slip it halfway onto the foot; then he can pull it on the rest of the way. Sit down with him at eye level and caringly say, "Tell mommy what you want." That encourages him to use words or body language to communicate his feelings and needs so that he doesn’t have to act them out in displays of anger. More strategies to try: Identify the trigger. Tantrums usually occur at the worse time for parents: when they are on the phone, at the supermarket or busy in some other way. Think about it. The very circumstances that make a tantrum inconvenient for you are what set your toddler up for an outburst. If you lie, keep a tantrum diary, noting what incites your child. Is he bored, tired, sick, hungry or overstimulated? Watch for pre-tantrum signs. If you notice that a few moments before the flare-up that your baby is tends to whine or grumble, intervene before the little volcano erupts. Don’t take tantrums personally. You are neither responsible for his behavior nor for stopping them. Your baby's behavior is not a reflection on your parenting ability. Tantrums are common when a child starts to lumber toward independence. Stay cool. Temper tantrums in public places are embarrassing, often making it difficult to consider a child’s feelings. Your first thought is more likely to be "what will people think of me as a parent?" If you feel trapped and embarrassed when your child is throwing a fit in a supermarket, don't lash out. He is already out of control and needs you to stay in control. Just calmly carry him (even if he's kicking and screaming) to a private place, like the bathroom or your car, where he can blow off steam, after which you can quietly settle him down. Plan ahead. To expect a curious toddler to be the model of obedience in a supermarket when he is tired and hungry is an unrealistic expectation. Shop when you both are rested and fed, and let him be your helper from the safety of his belted shopping-cart seat. The morning is usually the best time for toddler behavior; in the afternoon he’s more likely to be tired and hungry. Occasionally, a very strong-willed child will lose control of himself during a tantrum. It often helps to simply hold him firmly, but lovingly, and say, "You’re angry and you have lost control. I’m holding you because I love you.” You may find that after a minute or more of struggle, he melts in your arms, as if to thank you for rescuing him from himself. To help parents gain perspective on the tantrum stage, we've divided toddler fits into "biggies" and "smallies." Staying in the car seat is a biggie. It is non-negotiable, and all the theatrics in the world will not free the safely contained protester. But whether he should wear a red shirt rather than a blue one is a smallie. A clothing mismatch isn’t worth a fight. In general, don’t ignore a frustration tantrum. Turning away from any of his behavioral problems deprives your child of a valuable support resource, while you lose the chance to improve your rapport with your child. Once your toddler develops the language skills to express his needs in words, you'll be able to close the book on the tantrum stage. This usually happens between two and two and a half years of age, depending on your child’s language development. Bill and Martha Sears Untuk melihat diskusi milis ini sebelumnya, klik: http://www.mail-archive.com/balita-anda%40indoglobal.com/ -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Untuk mereka yang mendambakan anak balitanya tumbuh sehat & cerdas" Berlangganan, e-mail ke: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Berhenti berlangganan, e-mail ke: [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://pencarian-informasi.or.id/ - Solusi Pencarian Informasi di Internet
