Bagian terakhit dari artikel Mengatasi rasa takut pada anak FEAR-BUSTING STRATEGIES Regardless of the child's age, basic strategies for helping him to cope with fears and phobias are similar: DETERMINE THE ACCURACY OF THE FEAR It is important to teach a child to evaluate reality. This is especially important for three- and four-year-olds, who don't know what is dangerous and what isn't. Give your child your message briefly and with confidence and authority. Discussion and questions can come later. "Some dogs are mean and scary, but this one won't hurt you." "Sometimes bad things hide in the dark—but they are not allowed in our house." REMOVE THE OBJECT OF THE CHILD'S FEAR When it is reasonable and practical, take away or avoid those things that make your child feel afraid. If your child is scared by vacuum-cleaner noise, try to vacuum when she is in another room. But if your child is afraid of taking a bath, give her the bath firmly and quickly while reassuring her with a calm and loving voice. ANTICIPATE YOUR CHILD'S FEARS You should not tell your child that you are going to visit Grandma and then show up at the dentist's office. But four days of preparation before going to the dentist will only worsen your child's anxiety. Practice sessions with dolls or toys may be helpful, but they should be done only a few hours or one day before the visit. GET YOUR CHILD'S ATTENTION This is so basic that it is sometimes forgotten. Getting your child to focus on you instead of on the source of his fear is important for making him feel better. Depending on the circumstances, you might simply say, "Jonathan, listen to me very carefully. I have something important to tell you." Or if he is very young or very frightened, you might choose to use a more physical strategy like hugging, rocking or stroking while calmly telling him, "Everything is OK." USE DISTRACTIONS Distraction is an especially useful technique for younger children and infants, who have such a short attention span that they will forget what made them afraid. "Look at this light (or pencil or button). Don't look at anything else. Let's see what we can do with it." BE REASSURING Children are very aware of their parents' anxieties. The concern that a parent feels for her child might easily be misinterpreted as meaning that the parent is afraid, too. Your facial expression and your words should convey the impression that everything is under control and that everything will be OK. DO LESS TALKING Modern psychologists have stressed the importance of having children talk problems out. Unfortunately, many of these discussions make the parent feel better, but they may make the child feel even more nervous. For most children, just saying, "There are no monsters allowed in our house!" is more reassuring than going room to room, checking closets, looking under the bed and then explaining why monsters exist only in our imagination. EMPOWER YOUR CHILD Fearful situations seem less scary when a child is given some control over them. Giving your child a good-luck charm is very effective for relieving anxiety. Holding a favorite doll or blanket makes a child feel that it will protect her from harm. Even grown-ups use a "lucky pen" to get better grades or wear a "lucky hat" when playing in a big game. A good-luck activity like whistling, humming, taking deep breaths or squeezing a parent's hand also works well. Similar to superstitions, such as not walking under a ladder, good-luck rituals can be very reassuring to older children. These rituals can be symbolic, like spraying an aerosol can keep monsters at bay, or they might be a bodily good-luck charm, such as crossing one's fingers. By suggesting good-luck (or special) thoughts, you can distract your child from a thought that is scary and replace it with one that is more pleasant. Blowing on a pinwheel or the imaginary candles on a birthday cake (your fingers) are good activities for controlling fears, such as getting an injection in the doctor's office. And the tried-and-true "kissing a boo-boo" still has the same magical healing effect on minor cuts and bruises. The more modern version of kissing a child's forehead to heal sad thoughts uses the same magic. PRACTICE IMAGINATION TRAINING Your child's active imagination has the potential to make a simple everyday event seem very frightening. But by changing her focus, you can turn that same imagination into a resource for peace that she can bring anywhere she goes and that can grow with her into adult years. ===== __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? 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