Dear Netters,
Sepi sekali ya mailing list balita-anda, mungkin masih pada cuti ya :-)) Minal aidin
wal faidzin bagi umat muslim.
Saya punya artikel yang lumayan, maaf kalo udah pernah diposting sebelumnya.
Wasalam,
Ita-bundanya Gilang
Understanding the Goals of Negative Behavior
You can tell what the purpose of the someone's mischief is by the way it makes you
FEEL when it is happening. Instead of reacting to the mischief, you can ask yourself,
"How is this behavior making me feel right now? Which of the basic emotional needs is
being sought?"
If you feel annoyed and irritated...
His or her purpose is to get your attention. The most basic and
fundamental need of children is the need to belong -- to bond and feel connected to
the parent and family. To be esteemed and valued as a human being. This makes
attention one of the strongest motives underlying the child's misbehavior.
If you feel powerless and out of control...
His or her purpose is to gain power and control over YOU. Children also have
the need to be able to influence and control their environment. They strive to control
the outcome of the events going on around them in ways that are consistent with, and
in service to, their own wishes and desires. When they feel inadequate to do this,
they become rebellious and defiant.
If you feel hurt...
His or her purpose is revenge! Children also strive to protect themselves from
their "perception" of an attack or threat to their sense of self, whether real or
imaginary. They perceive every reversal, major or minor, as if they were being singled
out by others (i.e. parents, teachers) for special torture and punishment. They feel
victimized and seek relief from their hurt feelings through acts of revenge.
If you feel discouraged and helpless...
His or her purpose is to withdraw from the task/situation for which he feels
inadequate to cope. Children withdraw from overwhelming situations in order to
maintain their immature sense of ego and pride, to escape the reality of their own
inadequacies.
The solution: Disengage from the mischief
Disengage does not mean to ignore the emotional needs of our children. But now, you
know exactly what is going on. You are disengaging from the child's mischief and
misbehavior, not from them as a person. You are choosing to behave appropriately in
the reality of the situation.
After you have disengaged from the child's mischief, you will feel relief from the
tension, pressure and stress of the moment. You will feel in control, liberated,
mature and secure within your own self. You will not take the child's behavior
"personally" as if it was a true reflection of your own worth as a parent, and as a
human being. You will feel appropriately responsible and competent to handle the
situation. The more you practice disengaging from the child's mischief, the better you
will become at it, the more the child will respect you -- and the more you will
respect yourself!
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