Re: Proceeding to Startide Scene

[Wilbur07]

Michael writes:
<<
I am starting to think I have a fear of success. Probably because I resent
the idea of being stuck in a 9 to 5 job for the next 30-40 years, no matter
how good the job. Then to retire when I am too old to enjoy it. Then die a
lonely man, because the chance of me getting a woman to share my life with
is about as good as my odds of winning the lottery. Oops, I was supposed to
start the nervous breakdown only if I didn't finish on time. Well, it never
hurts to practice. Now it's time to sit down with my notebook and plan out
the Startide scene in detail.
>>

Just keep writing as you have written in this passage.  It's clear and it's fluent, and with a little imagination you can turn it into effective dialog.  Not as effective, quick, or witty as my stuff of course, but you can't be all things to all people all at the same time, can you?

Women like writing, not lengths and masses of flesh in the right places.