> -----Original Message----- > From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]On > Behalf Of J. van Baardwijk
... > >You have threatened (and seemed most intent and serious about > it, too) to > >post a wall of shame that would have very real life, damaging > consequences > >to many list members. > Let's say that you apply for a job. The employer does a Google search on > your name and finds your recent messages in the Yahoo!Groups archives. He > concludes from those messages that you are intolerant and decides not to > hire you. As those messages are *your* writings, you have only > yourself to > blame, not me. Nobody forced you to write those messages. Jon wrote about consequences, not blame. And now, unsolicited advice... You'd be a lot happier, I'm certain, if you could figure out how to drop your concerns about blame, focusing instead on the things you're responsible for. I know a man whose father was severely abusive. Like most kids in that situation, he "acted out," getting involved in sleazy sex, drugs, violence and so forth. The greatest peace he ever found was when he tracked down his father and apologized for his *response* to his father's abuse. He had decided to stop feeling sorry for himself and blaming his father for everything wrong in his life. The really wonderful thing is that by doing so, he opened the door for his father to apologize to him. It sounds entirely backwards -- a child apologizing for behavior that was "caused" by his father's abuse. But I can tell you from first-hand experience that it brings far, far more peace than assuming that because the other person is to blame, that's the end of the story. I'm not the man I described at the beginning of this paragraph, but I know him fairly well and have followed in his footsteps as well as I've been able. I would recommend it to others, although it is far from easy. So, there, some more unsolicited advice. Deal with your own response to others' abuse first; that's the way relationships heal and grow. But it means dropping the addiction -- really, an addiction, with endorphine production, etc. -- to self-righteousness. > I have *proven* myself capable of taking action that is intended to cause > real life harm? Exactly what actions might that be, and who suffered what > real life harm because of them? Any idea how many hours I spent making sure my server was secure after you tried to break into it? How much time others have spent wondering if you really would do some of the awful things you have threateded, taking steps to ensure their safety. Please don't pretend that you haven't behaved outrageously here at times; no one who was here or reads the archives will buy it. If you've forgotten those things, then my concern is that you haven't really changed and we might have to go through that sort of difficulty again, which would be the last time. Take that as a threat or a consequence, however you like, but that's where I've drawn the line. _______________________________________________ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
