Good points, all, as usual. The more difficult problem is how to keep the creeps from behaving that way with younger, or newer, dancers, who don't know yet what sort of atmosphere we generally maintain, and are reluctant to "cause a scene". Mostly, I think, if it's too bad, they just go away, never to return and find out that 99% of dancers would never think of acting that way.
So, when we tell these folks a direct "NO" (and we should, oh yes, we should!) we can do those dancers a favor and tell the creeps exactly what they did that was offensive. Tell them what they did and how you feel about it. And tell a trustworthy board member. I admit I haven't always been direct with people on my own behalf - I just get away and move on. Oddly, I'm much more comfortable speaking to these folks on behalf of others. No fear. Wonder what that's about. M E On Sat, Jul 9, 2011 at 12:27 PM, Amy Cann <ac...@putneyschool.org> wrote: > I'll bet this discussion is going to continue for a bit, so let's clarify: > > I've ALWAYS made people stop what they are doing -- made them leave more > room, move a hand -- I've just always done it non-verbally. If I don't want > to be dipped, I don't get dipped -- I can shift my weight or go inert in > ways that make it impossible. I'm not shy about taking care of myself, and > that cold/silent treatment is pretty darn harsh/unmistakable (just ask my > husband :) > > But on reflection, it's always been a private interchange. By "calling > out", > I mean it in the most specific way: calling them out from the crowd, into > the spotlight, to be addressed in front of an audience. I've very rarely > seen this happen, and have never heard of a woman walking off the floor > mid-dance. > > > > > > On Sat, Jul 9, 2011 at 1:15 PM, Bree Kalb <b...@mindspring.com> wrote: > > > Amy wrote: But have I truly called > > > > them out on it? No. And neither have any of my peers. > > > > I have. > > Now that I'm older, it doesn't happen as often, but still does > > occasionally. > > I've put my left palm against a man's shoulder and pushed him back, > saying: > > "I don't want to dance that close.' Or: "I don't sleaze dance." The next > > time they've asked me to dance, I've said "I'll only dance with you > again > > if you don't (do that particular thing again.)" They've always agreed and > > behaved themselves, for that dance. When I come to them in the line, I > > automatically push them back a little. But I know I'm an exception; the > > younger, shyer women don't feel comfortable setting limits. Even someone > > like Amy (who I surmise is not particularly shy) is uneasy being so bold. > So > > it's important that the organizers pay attention and act. Our board > actually > > banned a guy from dancing because he was preying on teenage girls; other > > dance organizers in the area followed suit. > > > > Bree Kalb > > Carrboro > > ______________________________**_________________ > > Callers mailing list > > call...@sharedweight.net > > http://www.sharedweight.net/**mailman/listinfo/callers< > http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers> > > > _______________________________________________ > Callers mailing list > call...@sharedweight.net > http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers > -- As you set out for Ithaka, pray that your journey be long, full of adventure, full of discovery... May there be many summer mornings when, with what pleasure, with what joy, you enter harbors you're seeing for the first time. ~Constantine Cavafy, "Ithaka" 1911
