Got sent this a while back and it kind of seems to fit.
No offense meant by my sending it, its something I was sent and it seems
appropriate to this discussion.
Here goes <<ducking flames>>
Dear Non-Californians,
America has engaged in some finger wagging lately because California
doesn't have enough electricity to meet its needs. The rest of the
country (including George W. Bush's energy secretary Spencer Abraham, who
wants Californians to suffer through blackouts as justification for
drilling for oil in Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge) seems to be
just fine with letting Californians dangle in the breeze without enough
power to meet their needs. They laugh at Californians' frivolity. Well,
everybody. Here's how it really is:
California ranks 48th in the nation in power consumed per person.
California grows more than half the nation's fruit, nuts and vegetables.
We're keeping them. We need something to eat when the power goes out. We
grow 99 percent or more of the nation's almonds, artichokes, dates, figs,
kiwifruit, olives, persimmons, pistachios, prunes, raisins and walnuts.
Hope you won't miss them.
California is the nation's number one dairy state. We're keeping our
dairy products. We'll need plenty of fresh ones since our refrigerators
can't be relied upon. Got milk?
We Californians are gonna keep all our high-tech software in state.
Silicon Valley is ours, after all. Without enough electricity, which
you're apparently keeping for yourselves, we just plain don't have enough
software to spare.
We're keeping all our airplanes. California builds a good percentage of
the commercial airliners available to fly you people to where you want to
go. When yours wear out, you'd better hope Boeing's Washington plant can
keep you supplied. There isn't enough electricity here to allow us to
export any more planes than we need ourselves. And while we're at it,
we're keeping all our high-tech aerospace stuff, too, like the
sophisticated weapons systems that let you sleep at night, not worried you
might wake up under the rule of some foreign kook. Oh, yeah, and if you
want to make a long-distance call, remember where the satellite components
and tracking systems come from. Maybe you could get back in the habit of
writing letters.
Want to see a blockbuster movie this weekend? Come to California. We
make them here. Since we'll now have to make them with our own
electricity, we're keeping them. Even if we shot them somewhere else, the
labs, printing facilities, editing facilities, and sound facilities are all
here.
Want some nice domestic wine? We produce over 17 million gallons per
year. We'll need all it to drown our sorrows when we think about the fact
that no matter how many California products we export to make the rest of
America's lives better, America can't see its way clear to help us out with
a little electricity. You can no longer have any of our wine.
Love,
The Californians
-----Original Message-----
From: Braver, Ben [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
Sent: Tuesday, May 08, 2001 11:43 AM
To: CF-Community
Subject: Lightbulb changing, CA style
g'mornin' all
So how do you change a lightbulb in California these days?
(1) Try turning on another light, see if the power is out completely or if
it's just that one bulb.
(2) If the power is all off, turn on a battery-powered radio to find out if
we're in another Stage III Power Alert with rotating blackouts.
(3) Check your utility bill to find your Rotating Outage Block Number (which
of the fourteen groups of victims you're in), if you don't already have this
memorized.
(4) If there is an outage and it's your block, you'll have your power back
in an hour or two. So don't open the refrigerator!
(5) If there is an outage and it's NOT your block, look outside, see if a
driver distracted by their cell phone crashed into a power pole. (Or, maybe
a transformer blew in the unseasonable heat.)
(6) If it turned out to just be the light bulb, replace the incandescent
bulb with a low-wattage compact flourescent.
OK, all of ya outside of CA, pay attention -- y'all may be next if they let
your state deregulate the way we did, and don't built new plants for years
in a time of rapid growth in power consumption (can you say server farms?).
Ben
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