Other Judith,
There is another solution - do what I do - avoid the beach at all costs...
I have 3 colors... I start of blue, it takes me a week to go white, then I
turn a lovely shade of Lobster!
I learnt years ago not to go into the sun for too long, and it's worked so
far...
Whenever anyone asks "You went on holiday, so where is your tan?" my reply
tends along the lines of "I wasn't so boring as to spend my time sitting
around on a beach... I went and DID THINGS"... tends to put people off
asking again <g>
Philip Arnold
Director
Certified ColdFusion Developer
ASP Multimedia Limited
T: +44 (0)20 8680 1133
"Websites for the real world"
**********************************************************************
This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
**********************************************************************
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Judith Taylor [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
> Sent: 22 May 2001 04:26
> To: CF-Community
> Subject: For us 'older' women ;o)
>
>
> This came through on my lace-chat list...and I just had to share the
> laughter. :o)
>
> ~=The Other Judith=~
>
> I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and
> humiliation known as buying a bathing suit. When I was a child in the
> 1950's, the bathing suit for a woman with a mature figure was
> designed for
> a woman with a mature figure - boned, trussed and reinforced,
> not so much
> sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift
> and they did a
> good job.
> Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the pre-pubescent girl with a
> figure carved from a potato chip. The mature woman has a choice
> - she can
> either front up at the maternity department and try on a
> floral suit with
> a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped
> from Disney's
> Fantasia - or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill
> department store
> trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a
> designer range of
> fluorescent rubber bands. What choice did I have? I wandered
> around, made
> my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as
> the fitting
> room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile
> strength of
> the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was
> developed, I
> believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot,
> which give the
> added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you
> are protected from shark attacks. The reason for this is that any shark
> taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately
> suffer whiplash.
> I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the
> shoulder strap
> in place, I gasped in horror - my bosom had disappeared! Eventually, I
> found one bosom cowering under my left armpit. It took a while
> to find the
> other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.
> The problem
> is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman
> is meant
> to wear her bosom spread across her chest like a speed hump. I
> realigned
> my speed hump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view
> assessment. The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately,
> it only fit
> those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out
> rebelliously from top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play
> dough wearing undersized cling wrap. As I tried to work out where all
> those extra bits had come from, the pre-pubescent sales girl
> popped head
> through the curtains, "Oh There you are!" she said, admiring
> the bathing
> suit...I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she
> had to show
> me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of
> masking tape, and a floral two-piece which gave the appearance of an
> oversized napkin in a serviette ring. I struggled into a pair of leopard
> skin bathers with ragged frill and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane
> pregnant with triplets and having a rough day. I tried on a
> black number
> with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning. I tried on a
> bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would
> have to wax my
> eyebrows to wear them. Finally, I found a suit that fit...a two-piece
> affair with shorts style bottom and a loose blouse-type top.
> It was cheap,
> comfortable, and bulge friendly, so I bought it. When I got
> home, I read
> the label, which said, "Material may become transparent in water." I'm
> determined to wear it anyway...I'll just have to learn to do the
> breaststroke in the sand. And, summer is sooooo close!!!
> AUTHOR UNKNOWN
>
>
>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Structure your ColdFusion code with Fusebox. Get the official book at
http://www.fusionauthority.com/bkinfo.cfm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Structure your ColdFusion code with Fusebox. Get the official book at
http://www.fusionauthority.com/bkinfo.cfm
Archives: http://www.mail-archive.com/cf-community@houseoffusion.com/
Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/index.cfm?sidebar=lists
