I think I read a few of those in my church bulletin this past Sunday. :)
Thanks, those were good for a laugh.
Try Us!
Russel
> -----Original Message-----
> From: C. Hatton Humphrey [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
> Sent: Monday, September 17, 2001 12:42 PM
> To: CF-Community
> Subject: RE: Joke day
>
>
> Okay, a couple of religious jokes... just for fun, no harm intended.
>
> Enjoy!
> Hatton
>
> 1. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
> Please use large double door at the side entrance.
>
> 2. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
> Please use the
> back door.
>
> 3. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
> recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
>
> 4. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again"
> giving obvious
> pleasure to the congregation.
>
> 5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get
> rid of those
> things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
>
> 6. Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring
> your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun
> time.
>
> 7. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
> conflict.
>
> 8. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water" The sermon tonight:
> "Searching for Jesus"
>
> 9. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need
> all the help
> they can get.
>
> 10. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
>
> 11. During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of
> hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
>
> 12. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
> sing "Break Forth into Joy."
>
> 13. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
>
> 14. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone
> who doesn't
> care much about you.
>
> 15. Don't let worry kill you off--let the Church help.
>
> 16. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
> church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
>
> 17. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church
> hall. Music
> will follow.
>
> 18. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be"
> What is Hell?"
> Come early and listen to our choir practice.
>
> 19. Eight new choir robes are needed due to the addition of several new
> members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
>
> 20. The senior choir invites any member ! of the congregation who enjoys
> sinning to join the choir.
>
> 21. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
> recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
>
> 22. The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes,
> green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
>
> 23. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have
> a nursery
> downstairs.
>
> 24. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
> person's you want remembered.
>
> 25. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a
> healthy lunch.
>
> 26. The church will host an evening of fine dining superb
> entertainment and
> gracious hostility.
>
> 27. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM.--prayer and medication to follow.
>
> 28. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every
> kind. They may
> be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
>
> 29. This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park
> across from
> the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
>
> 30. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are
> invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
>
> 31. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
> lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday
> morning.
>
> 32. Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING
> Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference
> includes meals."
>
> 33. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in
> the Church
> basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend
> this tragedy.
>
> 34. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at
> Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all
> the way from Africa.
>
> 35. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
>
> 36. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing
> campaign slogan
> last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
>
> 37. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
> transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
> Pastor Jack's sermons.
>
> --------------------------------
>
> Four Catholic mothers were having coffee together and discussing how
> important their children are.
>
> The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into
> room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
>
> The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he
> walks into a room, people say, "Your Grace'."
>
> The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down,
> but MY son
> is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'.
>
> The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first
> three women
> give her this subtle "Well.. . ?" She replies, "My son is a
> gorgeous, 6' 2",
> hard-bodied, Chippendale's male stripper.
> Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "OH MY GOD. ."
>
> > Ok...let's start off Monday right. Everyone tell us your best
> joke. Sound
> > good?
>
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