One of my favorites. And yes I am in Kentucky so no one can accuse me of
redneck bashing ;-)
The Top 14 Favorite Redneck Movies
14. Alabama Jones and the Last Beer Run
13. S*O*U*R*M*A*S*H
12. Thelma-Louise
11. Back to the Future IV: I'm My Own Daddy!
10. 9 1/2 Teeth
9. Three to Tango, But Two Have To Hold the Cow Steady So You Don't Get
Knocked Off The Foot Stool
8. And the Band Played Freebird
7. Three Brides for Seven Brothers
6. Dog, Ma
5. Being John Deere
4. Three Men and Ned Beatty
3. Austin Texas: The Uncle Who Shagged Me
2. How Stella Got Her Tooth Back
1. The Green Smile
~ Dan
-----Original Message-----
From: C. Hatton Humphrey [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
Sent: Monday, September 17, 2001 1:42 PM
To: CF-Community
Subject: RE: Joke day
Okay, a couple of religious jokes... just for fun, no harm intended.
Enjoy!
Hatton
1. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
2. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
back door.
3. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
4. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.
5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
6. Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring
your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun
time.
7. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
conflict.
8. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water" The sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus"
9. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.
10. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
11. During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of
hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
12. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing "Break Forth into Joy."
13. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
14. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't
care much about you.
15. Don't let worry kill you off--let the Church help.
16. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
17. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.
18. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be" What is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
19. Eight new choir robes are needed due to the addition of several new
members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
20. The senior choir invites any member ! of the congregation who enjoys
sinning to join the choir.
21. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
22. The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes,
green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
23. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
24. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person's you want remembered.
25. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
26. The church will host an evening of fine dining superb entertainment and
gracious hostility.
27. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM.--prayer and medication to follow.
28. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
29. This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
30. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
31. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday
morning.
32. Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING
Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference
includes meals."
33. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
34. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at
Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all
the way from Africa.
35. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
36. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
37. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons.
--------------------------------
Four Catholic mothers were having coffee together and discussing how
important their children are.
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into
room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he
walks into a room, people say, "Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but MY son
is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'.
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women
give her this subtle "Well.. . ?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2",
hard-bodied, Chippendale's male stripper.
Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "OH MY GOD. ."
> Ok...let's start off Monday right. Everyone tell us your best joke. Sound
> good?
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