> Hm...I had a brief relationship with a bi man. > The major issue that I had was that he had told > me early on that he "preferred men." To which > my reaction was, "hm....well, my lack of penis > doesn't seem to be an issue right at this here > moment." But, the comment needled its way into > my brain and planted itself there - growing > into a nagging ragweed in our happy field of > daisies. Finally, I just had to say, "you know, > I can't always be wondering if you're actually > fulfilled - gotta go."
I've heard this before -- I've heard it's fairly common... it's not the reason I'm not monogamous although I am sort of glad to not be monogamous for this reason -- if one person need not fulfill all of my needs, then this isn't a reason for someone to be upset or concerned about not fulfilling any particular need (or desire). More frequently I hear people phrase it a bit differently -- the fear that the person is really just gay and deluding themselves and that one day they'll wake up and say "oh honey, I'm gay, cya!" I suppose it's happened. I know it won't happen with me. But then that's hardly comforting to someone who has that fear. And this fear by contrast isn't assuaged by being non-monogamous either, since it doesn't matter how many partners a person has if they simply decide they're disinterested in your gender. > I think that's often the issue - the idea that > no one person can be both sexes for someone. Well that's not entirely accurate either. :P I've personally known at least 3 people who could be both sexes. > So, unless you're into the poly thing, you're > always left wondering if you're truly doing it > for your partner - which is an icky place to be. Yeah, I'm not a big fan of monogamy in general, but especially for bisexual people it creates a real set of "issues"... Of course I'm still not going to tell someone not to be monogamous (even if they identify as bisexual), but I'm not going to tell them that it will be easy or that they will ever find that one person who fulfills them completely (which I think is a Disneyism anyway). I think monogamy might work a lot better in a culture in which families / communities were more involved with each other -- that is -- our culture seems hell-bent on this idea of making your monogamous romantic partner your sole source of social fulfillment (or in the case of metrosexuals yourself). As time passes we're gradually eroding all our other social interactions outside of those that occur with this monogamous partner if not solely with this partner. Or so it seems to me... I don't think I'm alone, although I've been told on more than one occasion that I'm "just whining" about some imaginary thing I've invented. Now I'm just rambling about my continual dissatisfaction. :) There's a poem (?) that does a pretty good job of summarising my feelings on this subject... but the only line I can remember for certain is "Mill(y|ie) says" ... "Milly says Tom drinks too much, so much for tom. Milly says Joe doesn't believe in God, so much for Joe.", etc... that sort of thing... Anybody else recognize it? The poem is actually talking about a certain type of person who wants to eliminate all of her partner's other friends so she can have them all to herself -- and I realize not everyone is like that -- but I often feel our culture and our technology are encouraging that attitude. s. isaac dealey 954.522.6080 new epoch : isn't it time for a change? add features without fixtures with the onTap open source framework http://www.fusiontap.com http://coldfusion.sys-con.com/author/4806Dealey.htm ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Discover CFTicket - The leading ColdFusion Help Desk and Trouble Ticket application http://www.houseoffusion.com/banners/view.cfm?bannerid=48 Message: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:166991 Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/threads.cfm/5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=s:5 Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=89.70.5 Donations & Support: http://www.houseoffusion.com/tiny.cfm/54
