Sounds a lot like me and my ex-wife. When we got divorced, the judge had a bit of a surprised look on his face when we told him that everything has been worked out and that we already hammered out all the details and we are not disputing anything and we are parting as friends. He commented that he wished everyone in our situation would like adults like we were. He pronounced us divorced and then my ex and I went to lunch to celebrate hehehe. She paid the fees and I paid for lunch. When you do it yourself, it is actually pretty cheap.
It's so much better that way...no bitterness, no hate. We just went back to just being friends. We go to birthday parties, she was at my wedding, a few years back all of us (my current wife, my ex's SO) went down to Louisiana together to go see her brother before he left for Iraq. That was humorous because her family didn't quite know how to digest that *weg*. We have a daughter, so it is also much healthier for her since we are not fighting. This gives her a good example of what a healthy relationship is like. As a contrast to my current wife, when she divorced her ex, he was totally nasty and used the kids as blunt object in the divorce to bully her into what he wanted. She was dumb enough to comply with it too, despite my best efforts to advise her otherwise. She can be very passive, go with the flow and not create waves kind of person, much to her detriment. To this day, her 3 kids have all sorts of issues related to the divorce and how they were brought into the fight by their father and his bad mouthing her in front of the kids. My ex and I (as well as my current wife) are also ministers in our faith and we joked about having her officiate our wedding when my current wife and I got married...just for the comedic aspects of it ;-). Eric -----Original Message----- From: Judah McAuley [mailto:ju...@wiredotter.com] Sent: Friday, April 02, 2010 12:20 PM To: cf-community Subject: Re: popping the big question My exish-wife and I just finally filed divorce paperwork as a birthday present to my current wife (who is also the mother of my child). We'd been meaning to do it but it is expensive and stupid. And as other people noted, my ex is my best friend in the world. She's also my wife's best friend. And she and her partner live 4 houses away and she and my current wife go out for drinks every wednesday night and she hangs with my kid once a week or so while my current wife and I go out for date night. When the divorce does officially go through, we're going to have a big party and invite the people that originally went to our wedding, which is what we promised we'd do when we first decided to get married. We've also talked about being the officiant for each others official weddings to our current partners. My point being...find good people. Love them. Don't worry about the details too much. Cheers and good luck Judah On Fri, Apr 2, 2010 at 6:01 AM, LRS Scout <lrssc...@gmail.com> wrote: > > I will say best wishes, do it if it feels right, and fuck the haters. > > I've been married 16 years, and with her for 22. Our relationship is > (always) in flux, and may very well end in divorce someday. However we are > best friends. We don't even live together due to health and work > considerations, but we are soul mates. > > Do no let others inability to make it be your focus, think about all the 50+ > year couples out there. > > -----Original Message----- > From: Erika L. Rich [mailto:elr...@ruwebby.com] > Sent: Thursday, April 01, 2010 7:46 AM > To: cf-community > Subject: Re: popping the big question > > > Matthew > > The one thing we all know on this list is that we are ALL different, live > different lives, have different values, different experiences, believe in > different things etc etc ... The bond of CF brings the majority of us > together .... > > I know you likely haven't, but I wanted to re-iterate, do not let some of > the bitter examples of marriage on this list sway your opinion at all. There > are bona fide bachelors on here, there are divorcees that went thru hell. I > have my own story and none of you have EVER heard it and NONE of you ever > will. But suffice it to say I can give a few people here a run for their > money a dozen times over. My current husband's divorce was a 2 year bitter > battle zone, that no-one should EVER have had to go through. Involved him > losing everything. And I do mean EVERYTHING. Money, grown adult sons that he > loved and gave the world for, belongings. Everything. And she was the one > that left the marriage, turned around, lied, and because of the court > system, screwed him over hard. And I was bystander to it all. > > This kind of sh$t happens, and always will in our world. It's a matter of > fact. > > It didn't make either of us bitter though .... > > Marriage was the icing on the cake for our relationship. Ours was rock solid > before we did it, and the formal bond made it deeper. I can barely explain > it. Besides the legality of it (now we're both protected in case something > happens to either of us as far as property, health insurance, etc.) it tells > us both, despite the previous failed attempts at a relationship, that we're > in it to be the best husband and wife that we can to each other. > > HOWEVER - my point, as long as it's talking me to get there, is that nothing > is guaranteed ever, including life. Live it while you can - and that means > making a spectacular proposal to a woman that you love. > > Don't let others' bitter experiences ruin any thoughts in your head about > what a tremendous thing it is to love someone so much you want to make them > safe, give them your world and cherish them forever. > > Marriage means something different to everyone. And I believe no one, no > matter what experience that person may have had, what their beliefs are, or > what they *think* will happen, NO ONE should piss on someone else's parade. > Life is too short for negativity. > > I think any way you propose is fantastic, and you'll come up with the best > one for your situation. > > You're a pretty cool cat Matthew ... and I've been watching you take a bunch > of pretty big steps here lately. It's been a pleasure to watch you grow > outside your comfort zones and learn new exciting things. > > Best wishes man. :) > > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Want to reach the ColdFusion community with something they want? 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