Okay folks - this is an SOS. I had the best intentions. I still do. But I do not think I will be able to maintain 'calm assertive pack leader' much longer. It cannot be a good thing when, in the back of your mind, you kind of quietly wish you could let her 'escape' for the coyotes - at least than I could get some sleep - it's like mothers with those super crying babies... Before I start getting hate mail - I would never do this. Nor would I ever return her to the shelter. But this is not a mental state conducive to bringing around a neurotic dog. This dog deserves better than what I am able to provide. Or maybe I am what she needs. But I do not feel in the least bit bonded to this little girl. At all. I feel responsible. And exasperated. Which in some ways is good because it means I take her rehabilitation seriously.
Bottom line - This just isn't working out between us. There is what you'd call a huge compatibility issue. I have found a dog that is way too high energy for what I am currently able to accommodate. With quite a few more psychological/behavioral issues than I am prepared to address or experienced enough to correct. Every day is a constant battle of wills. I'm a stubborn bugger. So is she. My house. My rules. But it's a constant 'Shut up shut up shut up!' Scream your heart out. You will not get your way. Again - before someone tells me this is cruel...I do NOT cater to bad behavior. I have worked to correct it. I have gone in, back to her, calm, assertive, and backed her into bed. And left. That usually puts her into an easy state of mind. At least for a little while. Than...the howling. This increasing tension can't be healthy for either of us. Could I turn her into a calm submissive ideal pet? Probably. I absolutely believe that she will be easy to rehabilitate and turn into an ideal canine citizen. I just don't have the experience to do this. And this calm, assertive pack leader is increasingly fed up with the howling. And screaming. And whining. And scratching at the back of the door. Could I give in and save myself a few headaches? Yes. Absolutely. Am I going to? No. I am pack leader. These are my rules - at night, you sleep in the bathroom. When I am working, you are in the hallway because it is the same as if I were not home. When I am 'home', you can be over by the door in my line of sight. Howling is not answered. Period. I will NOT reinforce bad behavior. Even at the expense of pulling out the last bloody hair on my head. I am trying. I am trying really, really bloody hard. But as I write this, she's been put away for the evening (I'll get to that routine shortly) and she's screaming bloody murder and it does my head in. Maybe the evening Pet-ease will kick in soon. Wishful thinking? Tonight I had to go out. This was one of our better moments. I had several meetings and I was gone for eight hours. I took her for a walk before hand - 20 minutes to get rid of some of the excess energy. We did some very basic reward based training when she came back. I gave her a toy. She settled down. Then there was about 30 seconds of howling. Than she settled down again and was fine. Granted, I'd dosed her with Pet-Ease prior to our walk. I did not put her away right before I left. I did this about an hour prior so that being put in the hallway was not associated with my leaving. I still walked back and forth. When I did leave, it was without ceremony. No goodbye. No see you later. That's just stupid. And it would only make things worse. I came home - she starts howling. I don't react. I don't go to see her. I take care of other things first - turn some lights on, feed the other dog, let the cat in, put my stuff down, use the loo, put on something comfortable. When she stops, I go over, make her sit, put on her collar, grab a flashlight and go for a very brief pack walk - it's dark. I'm in the mountains. There are animals here that would happily make either of us dinner, so a long, exhausting walk isn't an option. I'd have gone for a proper long haul if I thought it was safe. As it is, I am now taking her for 30-40 minutes in the morning and 30-40 minutes in the evening. 15-20 in the afternoon. As I said - high energy dog. She desperately needs the exercise. And I like walking. Hugely adverse to my usual daily routine. But it's good for her. So I do it. Happily. Especially if it saves my ears some anguish later. We come back inside. I move her to the bathroom. We do some basic reward training (routine - see?). And I want her to associate the bathroom with good things and a positive, calm mental state. Also, I can hide her medication and an evening dose (1/2 tablet) of Pet-Ease in a reward. While she is calm, I pick her up - still in the bathroom - and give her some affection. Than she's put on the floor. I wait. so that putting her down isn't associated with leaving. She grabs a toy. I slip out. Within seconds she's howling. She's still howling. It's ear piercing, head splitting. This is not a good advertisement for this dog. But hey, I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who would be more than happy to give her exactly what she wants. I am not one of them. And I'm not entirely convinced that I can outlast her. Or maybe there's someone more experienced out there who can do right by her and properly rehabilitate her. I just don't have the experience. Nor am I the type of person to give in to a dog for my own convenience. So...we've reached an impasse. I might be able to outlast her and get her into the proper, happy dog mental state if I actually had people to help me. But on my own, she's just way too much for me. I'm going to keep reading Cesar. I'm going to keep working on the dominance thing. And the separation anxiety thing. I think affection right before bed time is a BAD idea. This dog does not do well with affection. Exercise. Discipline. Yes. Both in quantity. Affection just seems to exacerbate the situation ten fold. At least affection in the way that people think of affection - the petting, the lap time. Every time I spend lap time or petting time I end up with a worse situation than when I started. If I can actually get her to a stronger, more consistent calm-submissive state, than I will slowly reintroduce physical affection (of the human variety). Until then...no go. Every time it I pick her up or pet her (not a corrective touch), it sets all of my little bits of progress back three steps. She was screaming when I started writing this email. She is still screaming. It was 11:31pm when I started. It's 12:40 right now. While some behaviors are getting better. For instance, she's doing much much better on a leash. Others are getting worse. Some days she's fine. Some days...I get this. Long, long, long, bouts of screaming and howling and crying. This has been the worst to date. As I've said - I understand that she's been in an arguably traumatic situation and she probably didn't come from a great home life to begin with. I understand that she is young. And I realize that we've been together less than a week. But this only explains the behavior. It does not make it acceptable. And I do not think that her behavior will change without a lot more work. This isn't just an adjustment issue. This is a behavioral problem. And with a dog this unstable, and this high energy human pity would just make things worse. There is no pity. Do I enjoy hearing her scream? No. I hate that she's so mentally off. I want her to find balance. We are working on that. Please, please help. I am at my wits end. At this point - lots of exercise and relatively rigid discipline are the only answers I can think of. And withholding the 'human' means of affection. No petting. NO lap time. We can do dog things like reward training. We will not do human things like petting until this howling nonsense is nipped in the bud or she's found a home with someone who likes having a shadow with four legs. I kind of feel like a horrible person for calling it quits. But I do not have the experience to handle these problems. I am really concerned I may inadvertently make them worse. I only have enough experience not to give into them. I just wish I knew better how to correct them. -Autumn ------------------------------------ We are now on Facebook! Join today! http://www.facebook.com/groups/chihuahuasclubYahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Chihuahuas/ <*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional <*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Chihuahuas/join (Yahoo! 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