Is this serious?
I was under the impression that Ada Lovelace invented the binary counting
system. I was also under the impression that John Atanasoff came up with
the brilliant coding system that expressed everything in terms of two
numbers for the methodology of measuring the current or lack of current in
regards to computers way back in the 40's.
Before that everyone kept trying to incorporate the base10 system in
computers, which was a major headache and unsuccessfull, but that was in the
vacuum tube days.
hmmm. Surely Microsoft doesn't think they can do this..Maybe this is a joke
however and I am just too d*** serious.
Jenn
-----Original Message-----
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]On Behalf Of
Natasha
Sent: Friday, August 03, 2001 10:19 AM
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject: OT: Friday Funnie #2, Couldn't let this one go by!! [7:14809]
REDMOND, WA--In what CEO Bill Gates called "an unfortunate but
necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and
exploitation by
competitors," the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and
zero Monday.
With the patent, Microsoft's rivals are prohibited from manufacturing
or selling products containing zeroes and ones--the mathematical
building blocks of all
computer languages and programs--unless a royalty fee of 10 cents per
digit used is paid
to the software giant.
"Microsoft has been using the binary system of ones and zeroes ever
since its inception in 1975," Gates told reporters. "For years, in the
interest of the
overall health of the computer industry, we permitted the free and
unfettered use of our proprietary
numeric systems. However, changing marketplace conditions and the
increasingly
predatory practices of certain competitors now leave us with no choice
but to seek
compensation for the use of our numerals."
A number of major Silicon Valley players, including Apple Computer,
Netscape and Sun Microsystems, said they will challenge the Microsoft
patent as
monopolistic and anti-competitive, claiming that the 10-cent-per-digit
licensing fee
would bankrupt them instantly.
"While, technically, Java is a complex system of algorithms used to
create a platform-independent programming environment, it is, at its
core, just
a string of trillions of ones and zeroes," said Sun Microsystems CEO
Scott McNealy, whose
company created the Java programming environment used in many Internet
applications.
"The licensing fees we'd have to pay Microsoft every day would be
approximately
327,000 times the total net worth of this company."
"If this patent holds up in federal court, Apple will have no choice
but to convert to analog," said Apple interim CEO Steve Jobs, "and I
have serious doubts whether
this company would be able to remain competitive selling pedal-operated
computers
running software off vinyl LPs."
As a result of the Microsoft patent, many other companies have begun
radically revising their product lines: Database manufacturer Oracle has
embarked on a
crash program to develop "an abacus for the next millennium." Cisco,
whose
communications and networking systems are also subject to Microsoft
licensing fees, is
working with top animal trainers on a chimpanzee-based
message-transmission system.
Hewlett-Packard is developing a revolutionary new steam-powered printer.
Despite the swarm of protest, Gates is standing his ground,
maintaining that ones and zeroes are the undisputed property of
Microsoft.
Above: Gates explains the new patent to Apple Computer's board of
directors. "We will vigorously enforce our patents of these numbers, as
they are
legally ours," Gates said. "Among Microsoft's vast historical archives
are Sanskrit
cuneiform tablets from 1800 B.C. clearly showing ones and a symbol known
as 'sunya,' or nothing.
We also own: papyrus scrolls written by Pythagoras himself in which he
explains the
idea of singular notation, or 'one'; early tracts by Mohammed ibn Musa
al Kwarizimi
explaining the concept of al-sifr, or 'the cipher'; original
mathematical manuscripts by
Heisenberg, Einstein and Planck; and a signed first-edition copy of
Jean-Paul Sartre's Being
And Nothingness. Should the need arise, Microsoft will have no
difficulty proving to
the Justice Department or anyone else that we own the rights to these
numbers."
Added Gates: "My salary also has lots of zeroes. I'm the richest man
in the world."
According to experts, the full ramifications of Microsoft's patenting
of one and zero have yet to be realized.
"Because all integers and natural numbers derive from one and zero,
Microsoft may, by extension, lay claim to ownership of all mathematics
and logic
systems, including Euclidean geometry, pulleys and levers, gravity, and
the basic
Newtonian principles of motion, as well as the concepts of existence and
nonexistence," Yale
University theoretical mathematics professor J. Edmund Lattimore said.
"In other words,
pretty much everything."
Lattimore said that the only mathematical constructs of which
Microsoft may not be able to claim ownership are infinity and
transcendental numbers like pi.
Microsoft lawyers are expected to file liens on infinity and pi this
week.
Microsoft has not yet announced whether it will charge a user fee to
individuals who wish to engage in such mathematically rooted motions as
walking, stretching
and smiling.
In an address beamed live to billions of people around the globe
Monday, Gates expressed confidence that his company's latest move will,
ultimately,
benefit all humankind.
"Think of this as a partnership," Gates said. "Like the ones and
zeroes of the binary code itself, we must all work together to make the
promise of the computer
revolution a reality.
As the world's richest, most powerful software company, Microsoft is
number one. And you, the millions of consumers who use our products, are
the zeroes."
--
Natasha Flazynski
CCNA, MCSE
http://www.ciscobot.com
My Cisco information site.
http://www.botbuilders.com
Artificial Intelligence and Linux development
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