"I'm not sure where the notion of male/female couples being 'traditional' came from"
I'm very much in favor of anyone being able to dance any role, have been separated from the person I asked to dance because there weren't "enough men to go around", dance both roles a similar amount, and think the long history of same-gender dancing is great. But opposite-gender dancing is "traditional" in the same sense that almost everything else we call "traditional" is: because that's how it was usually done for a long time. That doesn't at all mean we need to stick with it, as is the case with any tradition, but I don't think it's useful to push back on people using that phrasing. Jeff On Tue, Mar 12, 2024 at 11:15 AM Perry Shafran via Contra Callers <contracallers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: > > I must say that I am very disappointed to hear that male dancers are still > attempting to forcibly split female couples up so that men don't have to sit > out or dance with other men. We need to figure out whether this desire for > these actions is somehow steeped in "tradition" or whether it is based in > some sort of discomfort that some men have in being in a swing with other > men, which some see as some sort of intimate embrace. > > One of the things that I have learned that gender free dances do is to create > a safe space for all to dance with people of all genders in both roles. That > safety and inclusiveness is definitely not a hallmark when two women choose > to dance with each other and men are trying to split them up. This shouldn't > be happening even if the role terms are gendered, because we want people to > have the ability to dance with the partner of their choice, regardless of > reason. > > I think in this era of contra dancing, the mid 2020s, that all people who > contra dance should *expect* to encounter people of the same gender as a > neighbor, and act in an inclusive manner, and that might mean swinging. > That's even if they choose to only dance with people of other genders in the > gents role only. Unless your dance is completely heteronormative in that > same-gender dancing is frowned upon, in which case it's not an inclusive > dance because it excludes people who wish to dance either role for whatever > reason. > > I'm not sure where the notion of male/female couples being "traditional" came > from, but it totally reminds me of the argument for "traditional" marriage > (meaning one man, one woman) as an excuse to ban same-gender marriages. We > need to be accepting of all forms of coupling on the dance floor if we aim to > be an inclusive dance form. > > Perry > > On Tuesday, March 12, 2024 at 07:51:02 AM EDT, Louise Siddons via Contra > Callers <contracallers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: > > > Colin wrote: > > > I wasn't going to get involved in all this, but I have to side with Ken > Panton - I'm a man and I certainly prefer > dancing with women. And I very much enjoy dancing with Louise Siddons even > though she may generally have a different preference. > > > It always surprises me when people bring sexuality into this conversation, > even though at this point I should know better. I enjoy dancing with Colin, > just as I enjoy dancing with anyone who is a good dancer (or making a > good-faith effort, or having a tonne of fun) and an interesting, kind, > thoughtful human being, and I am pleased that we are friends both on and off > the dance floor. When he (or anyone) asks me to dance, my first thought is > not “oh good, I'm sexually attracted to this person” — it’s “oh good, this > will be fun!” > > Recently at a contra dance I was separated from my partner, a woman, by two > men who didn’t want to dance with each other and perceived my partner and I > as acceptable alternatives. I was visibly upset by it and declined to dance > at all; I am not a commodity). One of the men came over afterwards to > apologise (as did my partner; older than me and not in her home community, I > think she felt more social pressure to accede). He explained that he knew how > I felt because he “has a daughter like you” — meaning, lesbian. I explained > back to him that I wasn’t upset because I’m a lesbian, I was upset because I > had asked someone to dance, they had accepted, and that agreement had been > disregarded in deference to two men’s discomfort. To be honest, I am squicked > out by the idea that someone looks at me dancing with another person and > thinks first of my sexuality — that’s a creepy worldview in the context of > contra dancing. > > There are dance communities determined to hold onto a heterocentric model, > and that’s their choice — but we are, as a society, attempting to heal from a > long — but ultimately quite recent — history of toxic gender models and so I > think it’s a bad choice. Men being afraid or disgusted to touch other men is > a social illness, not something to preserve or protect. Based on people’s > comments in this discussion, gender-free dance communities understand, > consciously or otherwise, that contra dance is a collective enterprise, that > we are all dancing with each other, and that the community is healthier when > it doesn’t put limits around how that happens. Friends can dance with each > other — yes, even if they’re men! — and family members, and strangers, and > lovers can all dance with each other, and they can bring different aspects of > themselves to every interaction within the dance, whether with partner or > neighbour. > > Louise. > > > > > _______________________________________________ > Contra Callers mailing list -- contracallers@lists.sharedweight.net > To unsubscribe send an email to contracallers-le...@lists.sharedweight.net > _______________________________________________ > Contra Callers mailing list -- contracallers@lists.sharedweight.net > To unsubscribe send an email to contracallers-le...@lists.sharedweight.net _______________________________________________ Contra Callers mailing list -- contracallers@lists.sharedweight.net To unsubscribe send an email to contracallers-le...@lists.sharedweight.net
